“True Love or True Loser?” (aka, “Are You Going to Get Hurt?”)

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This quiz is intended to help you become aware of experiences associated with hurtful relationships and potential abuse.

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The 20-question “True Love or True Loser?” relationship quiz is inspired by Dr Joseph Carver’s famous article “Are You Dating a Loser? Identifying Losers, Controllers and Abusers” and has been co-authored by Dr Carver. This quiz is intended to help you become aware of aspects of your relationship experiences which Dr Carver has associated with hurtful relationships and potentially, at particularly high levels, with the types of abuse sometimes linked to personality disorders.

Completing this Relationship Test

To take the questionnaire, please click the radio button next to the selection which best reflects how each statement applies to you. The items refer to your experience of your partner’s behaviour during your relationship. (Please be sure to check the Additional Information and Note on Validity below.)

Take the Relationship Quiz

Please note: This test will only be scored correctly if you answer each one of the questions. Please also check our disclaimer on psychological testing and our psychological testing privacy guarantee.

1. My partner has physically hurt me on purpose.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

2. My partner professed their love for me and their intention to make a lifelong commitment to me within 4 weeks of dating.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

3. My partner ‘blows up’ or very rapidly gets angry, subseqeuntly engaging in dangerous behaviours like driving too fast, breaking things, or threatening other people.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

4. My partner chips away at my confidence, putting me down and correcting my slightest mistakes.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

5. My partner has tried to reduce or eliminate my contact with other friends and/or family.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

6. My partner cycles between being ‘mean’ and being ‘sweet’ to me.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

7. My partner blames me for their anger or their inappropriate behaviour and avoids taking responsibility for their own actions.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

8. My partner panics at any indication we might break up.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

9. My partner discourages me from pursuing outside interests, unless they accompany me.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

10. My partner checks up on my activities, keeping track of where I go and who I am with.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

11. My partner calls me names or verbally attacks me in public.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

12. My partner tries to convince me that I am not quite good enough, or that I am lucky to have someone who will tolerate a person like me.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

13. My partner seems to feel entitled to have whatever it is they desire.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

14. My friends and family have indicated to me that they don’t like the way my partner treats me.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

15. My partner tells stories about their past in which they have been violent, aggressive, or insensitive to others.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

16. My partner treats other neutral individuals of my gender whom they encounter in an incidental fashion — e.g., waiters or waitresses, shop clerks, etc. — in ways that I would not like to be treated.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

17. My partner seems to have two distinct reputations, with some people singing their praises and others warning you about their behaviour.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

18. My partner leaves me feeling constantly on edge — walking on eggshells — for fear that saying or doing the wrong thing will elicit a severe reaction.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

19. My partner considers the opinions or feelings of others to be worthless compared to their own.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

20. My partner leaves me feeling as if I’m “going crazy,” becoming paranoid, or otherwise acting out of my normal character in an effort to defend myself against their behaviour.

Rarely or none of the time
Occasionally or a little of the time
A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
Most or all of the time

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About Scoring this Relationship Quiz

Scoring for Questions 1-16:

0 points Rarely or none of the time
1 point Occasionally or a little of the time
4 points A moderate amount of the time, more than occasionally
6 points Most or all of the time

This yields a total maximum score of 120.

When your quiz is scored, one of four different information pages will appear to describe the results for scores in your range, along with further details of how your score was computed.

This relationship test is inspired by the list of 20 questions included in Dr Carver’s famous article “Are You Dating a Loser? Identifying Losers, Controllers and Abusers” and has been co-authored by Dr Carver. It is not a diagnostic test and is intended solely to help you identify aspects of your relationship experience which Dr Carver has associated with hurtful relationships and potentially, at particularly high levels, with the types of abuse sometimes linked to personality disorders.

In common with some tests featured on this site which were developed to identify actual symptoms consistent with particular mental disorders, this test has been constructed with a forced-choice semantic interval question design which is intended to avoid the pitfalls of central tendency bias as well as acquiescence bias.

Additional Information and Note on Validity

The “True Love or True Loser?” relationship test was developed by Dr Greg Mulhauser and Dr Joseph Carver. This quiz is not intended in any way as a third-party diagnostic tool for you to make a second-party diagnosis of personality disorder or other mental disorder in your partner.

The notion of formal evaluation for validity, specificity and the like does not apply to this type of informal test which asks about experience of a third party. Therefore, this instrument should not be relied upon in any way as a diagnostic aid but should be used solely as a tool for increasing your own awareness of the type of experience within your relationship which has been highlighted by Dr Carver as potential cause for concern.

Dr Greg Mulhauser, an experienced counsellor and psychotherapist, has developed several screening tests featured on this site, including:

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All clinical material on this site is peer reviewed by one or more clinical psychologists or other qualified mental health professionals. This specific article was originally published by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on April 15, 2011 and was last reviewed or updated by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on December 20, 2014.

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