“Understanding and Dealing with Narcissistic Rage” Comments, Page 1

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  1. After being the primary income earner for the last 18 years, I told my husband that I wanted to go back to school to get a degree in psychology. I was not prepared for his narcissistic rage. I knew he didn’t want me to go back to school because he says it costs too much and when I’m done, I won’t be able to replace my current income. However, his raging response told me it wasn’t about the money, he is afraid to lose control over me.
    When he was done raging and he stormed out of the room, I had one clear thought. I need to leave him. I just didn’t expect it to happen so soon. For the next 24 hours he continued his aggressive tactics. He made excuses, he blamed, and he even played the victim. I stayed calm and reiterated my issue. My calmness and his inability to control me unnerved him and his tactics escalated.
    I realized I needed to leave immediately when he brought up an old fight about his lack of talking. He said he can’t say how he feels and do all the work around the house, so do I really want him to stop doing everything? I said YES! Please, use your words and stop doing everything around the house; I pleaded, “I need your words.” He got red in the face. He said, “I’m not doing that!” and he slammed the door again. I felt he was being hurtful because he knows what I want and he is refusing to provide it. This is when I realized I needed to leave immediately.
    I left for 5 months barely talking to him at all because of his constant guilt tripping, shaming and blame. Recent circumstances (covid) forced me to stay in the same home as him and we began talking. We agreed to try again and it was less than 2 weeks before the control tactics started again. I told him something I wanted and he wouldn’t allow it unless I begged and pleaded. I see now that the only thing he loves is the feeling of superiority he gets from me and our children. He has always said the only thing he ever wanted was to be a husband and father. While this is true, what he truly wants is to be in charge, the head of the household.
    I’m thankful for Dr. George Simon, PhD and his book In Sheep’s Clothing. I listened to his book and therefore I wasn’t surprised when the control tactics re-appeared so quickly. I’m terribly saddened that I won’t be able to have a balanced, loving relationship with my husband. From now on, our marriage will resemble war with power struggles, defenses, maneuvers, and narcissistic rage. Thanks to Dr. Simon, I now know the playing field.

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