“The Narcissist’s Disdain” Comments, Page 1

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4 Comments (One Discussion Thread) on “The Narcissist’s Disdain”

  1. What happens when narcissists collide? Will they jockey to be top dog, or do they form a weird collaboration of us vs. them?

    1. It depends, Katherine. Grandiose narcissists, who are already convinced of their superiority behave somewhat differently from the more “vulnerable” types who need to be valued. But as I point out in my book Character Disturbance, for both it’s always about “position.” Superficial, temporary alliances are always possible between narcissists who for practical purposes want to position themselves against a common foe. But for any narcissist, it’s always ultimately about self-interest and maintaining position. So, true faithful alliances are never really in the cards.

  2. I have been doing a lot of research about Narcissism, and found it to be very helpful in my own recovery. My mother is/was an extremely abusive and sadistic Malignant Narcissist, and my entire childhood was a nightmare. If my own mother didn’t love me, than I must be unlovable. To find out it is she that is incapable of loving anyone, has made my recovery easier. I also understand why I married 3 Narcissists. I now recognize them when I meet them. Having this information is a great starting point as opposed to not knowing why I was unlovable as a child. She used my sisters and I as weapons against my father, whom I wanted to stay with, and she cut all ties between my dad’s side of the family and us. I was the Scapegoat.
    I was bullied at school because I was extremely sensitive and cried easily, then I was beat at home. I had nowhere to go, and no escape. So, I escaped into my head and stayed there for years, just going through the motions of living until I could escape. I did, and still do, have a great deal of empathy for others. I am thankful to have turned out the way I did after everything I had been through.

  3. While I think that your distinction between “vulnerable” and “grandiose” narcissists is correct, I think in some cases a person can be both.

    My husband was absolutely a malignant narcissist. He had no empathy and usually delighted in inflicting pain. Your statement “If they can manipulate, take advantage of, or otherwise victimize someone they see as too trusting, too held back by their own scruples, too sensitive, or too weak in character to go toe-to-toe with them, then it’s simply a matter of them stepping on the inferior and once again affirming their own superiority in the process.” absolutely describes him.

    He qualified as a grandiose narcissist under most circumstances. He believed that he was absolutely superior to all women and to any man who was not upper class and could not trace his ancestry through hundreds of years of nobility. However, among those whom he considered his peers, he was extremely concerned with their opinions of him and did everything possible to impress them.

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