“Are You a Love Addict?” Comments, Page 1
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2 Comments on “Are You a Love Addict?”
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Ms. Houser, you’ve hit the right nail on the head.
We are addicted to the relief we feel, briefly, when indulging in the love/sex/drugs/alcohol/gambling/self-touching/you-name-it that brings relief from pain, suffering and anxiety. We are less addicted to the object than to the relief it brings. I think this behaviour can be learned in one’s youth, especially if there was some kind of neglect. As children we learned through trial and error what brought us relief from anxiety, and the object-relief combination became our organizing principle.
Give me an alternate source of relief now and I’ll change my addiction (re-organize my life around a different object-relief combination). Better yet, help me subjugate my Shadow and I’ll have less need for relief and less dependence on the object of my addiction (what you call compulsiveness).
Your comment on the profound nature of addiction is true too! Especially where desire meets addiction. And it gets worse if the desire itself is illegal while the object of the desire is the object that brings relief. Find this and you find some of the guys in sheep’s clothing that G Simon writes about.
Thanks for your article. It is so right on!
Victor,
Thanks for your comments. What a great insight that the relief from pain or conflict can be more important than the object itself. That becomes evident when an addict conquers one addiction, only to pick up another one. People who are pursued by love addicts often feel objectified, and say things like “This doesn’t feel like it’s really about ME!”
The alternative source of relief that you are looking for is Recovery. Through therapy and support groups, painful emotions lessen in intensity, and become manageable in new ways. The cycles of compulsivity/relief are interrupted by new thoughts, new connections with self and others, and then new behaviors. Addiction ceases to be the only solution.