“The Best Job in the World” Comments, Page 1

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8 Comments (3 Discussion Threads) on “The Best Job in the World”

  1. Hello Dr. Simon,

    I’m glad your career has been a fulfilling experience. I’m very grateful to have learned from you, especially your book In Sheep’s Clothing.

    Lately, I’ve been trying to examine how the generational cycles of physical/emotional abuse may play a role in some people developing aggressive personalities. From what I’ve researched, abuse indeed changes brain chemistry and can hinder emotional development, keeping some at a “black and white” emotional stage, viewing the world as children do (e.g. good guys vs. bad guys). Some stuck in this phase split their good and bad emotions in order to manage their anxiety, potentially separating their thoughts from their actions and thereby losing self-awareness. And they lack the capacity for introspection and to grasp nuance which normally develops later on, so I’ve read.

    Moreover, there are those who promote the “strict father model” of child rearing, like James Dobson who wrote, “It is not necessary to beat the child into submission; a little bit of pain goes a long way for a young child. However, the spanking should be of sufficient magnitude to cause the child to cry genuinely.”

    Is it possible that the capacity for empathy for some aggressive personalities was either beaten out of them or dissuaded from developing in childhood? I’ve noticed a common theme with some public figures that I’ve researched, as they all appear to have lived in fear at an early age (very dysfunctional homes) which continues to color their worldview into adulthood. For some aggressives, is the fear of losing or seeing themselves at the bottom what drives their constant need to win? Or maybe in childhood, they experienced fear, but as adults, they no longer feel anything but the need to win?

    Thank you,

    – Tom

    ps. I’ve ordered Character Disturbance and look forward to reading it.

    1. Thank you for your comments, Tom, and for some really interesting questions. The interplay between environmental factors and biochemistry is so poorly understood, so complex, and I believe, so inordinately tainted by bias and prejudice in our research of them, that it will be a long time before all the most definitive causal factors are known. Suffice it to say that I have known many who were subjected to such horrendous conditions that by all rights should have had all capacity for empathy beaten out of them yet became the most compassionate of creatures. Then again, I’ve known many others who had the benefits of every appropriate aspect of upbringing, including firm but non-abusive discipline and plenty of support and encouragement who became capable of either compartmentalizing all emotion or had no innate emotional response in the first place when they committed heinous acts toward others.

      We simply don’t know enough yet about the constitutional predispositions toward certain types of character development. And, as I mention in my books, perhaps the most insidious thing about environmental and cultural factors these days is not so much what abusive or traumatic things are inflicted on children but rather what necessary values and character-shaping lessons they need to experience have been so sorely lacking or absent in their lives. In my experience, it’s often what they didn’t get that ends up being the most troubling. And when adverse constitutional predispositions not only don’t get the shaping influences they need at home but also flourish in a culture that’s indifferent in the name of tolerance and promotes entitlement as opposed to a deep sense of obligation, well………..

      I also think it’s very interesting that many of the aspects of personality that we once very readily attributed to environment but which we now feel politically obliged to be more understanding and accepting about are more readily attributed to genetics or biochemistry, sometimes without sufficient evidence, and with insufficient attention to the environmental factors that might either exacerbate or diminish the impact of those predispositions. Whereas, with those aspects of personality we find far too unnerving to accept as primarily innate, we often speculate endlessly on what kind of environmental factors could possibly be responsible for it. I think there are a lot of reasons for this…….but that’s probably fodder for another article!

    2. I hope you had a great birthday Dr. Simon.

      We know that at birth, the brain is 25% of adult size. http://www.merckmanuals.com/professional/sec19/ch269/ch269b.html
      So, significant brain growth occurs between infancy and adulthood.

      “Neuroplasticity occurs in the brain…during normal brain development when the immature brain first begins to process sensory information through adulthood (developmental plasticity and plasticity of learning and memory)…The environment plays a key role in influencing plasticity. In addition to genetic factors, the brain is shaped by the characteristics of a person’s environment and by the actions of that same person.”
      http://faculty.washington.edu/chudler/plast.html

      No doubt there’s a combination of genetics and environment at work during brain development. I hypothesize that the brain adapts to stressors (like physical and emotional abuse) in its environment as it grows. Moreover the abuse alters gene activity and the more aggressive personality trait can be passed down, as mentioned here:
      http://www.dana.org/news/cerebrum/detail.aspx?id=28926

      Now obviously not everyone who was abused during childhood snaps and loses their capacity for empathy. A good example is Oprah Winfrey, who suffered much abuse during her formative years.
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oprah_Winfrey

      So, does this nullify my theory that there’s a connection between abuse and aggressive personalities? No, because there is another variable involved in all this – psychological resilience:

      “Resilience is most commonly understood as a process, and not a trait of an individual.”
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_resilience

      Resilience happens when a person has coping strategies, a good family, school, community, and/or supportive social policies. In Oprah’s case, her grandmother had some positive influence on her. Oprah admitted “it was Hattie Mae who had encouraged her to speak in public and ‘gave me a positive sense of myself.'”

      When you mention Dr. Simon, “what necessary values and character-shaping lessons they need to experience have been so sorely lacking or absent in their lives,” I think this fits directly into the resilience piece.

      But what happens to a kid without any sufficient support or positive reinforcement, who is denied the opportunity to develop resilience within him/herself? How is that kid going to bounce back after being abused? That kid’s brain development is physically and chemically altered. He will have less empathy for others and an aggressive personality will fit him like a glove.

      I think we’re generally on the same page, just coming at it from different angles.

    3. Great points all, Tom. Thanks for bringing them into the discussion. And thanks for the birthday wishes.

      In addition to the factors you mention, we’re also becoming more aware of the impact repetitive behavior patterns can have on our biochemistry. There is a multifaceted and dynamic interaction between environment and our biological makeup. That’s why providing the guidance, support, cultural reinforcement structures, etc. for all regardless of their innate predispositions and/or environmental backgrounds is so important.

  2. Hello Dr. Simon,
    I just wanted to say that your ongoing pursuit of helping others (what you are now calling the best job in the world) has inspired me greatly to do the very same. I’m currently fulfilling my educational needs to meet this goal, and I think it is important that you know how very inspirational you have been on my journey. That being said, I wanted to share with you what I consider the “best job in the world”. Even though my goal is to help others as you have done, I can’t imagine a more rewarding and satisfying job than fatherhood. I am greatful to have two wonderful children whom I adore tremendously, and just spending time with them and feeling as though I am imparting the same amount of wisom, guidance, and understanding as my father gave me gives me the greatest satisfaction in life.

    Dad, I don’t think I can say enough how much your efforts to help others have inspired me not only in my decision to continue my education and pursue my career path, but also to strive to be as good of a father to my children as you are to me. You have taken the time with me to ensure I have a firm understanding of what’s important in life and what lessons I should take with me before I pass on the torch to my children. Your unconditional love and UNDYING patience with me are overwhelming at times, and I don’t know if I’ve ever really communicated that with you. Please know that as I am continuing my “greatest job ever” I will be using your model and outline as a guide.

    I’ve heard people often say that the only goal of parenthood is to be a better parent for your children than your parents were for you. I look at this as more of a two-way street where I’m also striving to be as wonderful a father for my children as you STILL ARE for me.

    I hope you continue to find all the satisfaction in the world performing your “best job ever.” I want you to know I think you are brilliant at what you do and have impacted many lives over the course of yours including mine. Keep it up!!

    Happy almost birthday! I love you so much!
    Your son, Chris

    1. I’m doing my best not to be reduced to a total basket case of tears here so that I’m “together” enough for this weekend’s festivities and the wonderful day we have planned together Tuesday.

      In all seriousness, thank you so much for your beautifully expressed sentiments. As you are no doubt experiencing for yourself, being a dad is far more than a job. And while my work as a psychologist has indeed been rewarding, watching you grow and raise a family of your own has been the absolute joy of my life and the real purpose behind everything.

      What you said about the two-way street means a lot. I know I’m a better man for having to learn (sometimes the hard way) the lessons my children have taught me. And I’m blessed beyond measure by the family I have.

      Thank you son. I love you.

  3. What a wonderful posting, and also to hear your son’s words. I am on the journey to the ‘best job in the world’ and looking forward to practice what I believe is my calling. I also wanted to say your book In Sheep’s Clothing has been an inspiration with a situation my partner was in, I read it and then he did. We adopted strategies and although the manipulator still tries to control we are totally enlightened to how it all works now. Thank you and I hope you had a wonderful day!

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