“Marriage Secrets Unveiled: Do Opposites Still Attract?” Comments, Page 1

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11 Comments (4 Discussion Threads) on “Marriage Secrets Unveiled: Do Opposites Still Attract?”

  1. I was married for 12 years to my complete opposite, and opposites don’t attract!! We had nothing in common. I didn’t want to do what he did or visa versa.
    We couldn’t agree on ANYTHING! Not what we watched, not what we ate, not what hobbies to have, NOTHING!
    I am now married again to someone I have much more in common with, sure we have differences, but we aren’t opposite.
    I think there has to be some common ground, or it just won’t work long term.

    1. Thank you for jumping in to get the conversation started.

      I hear you. Having the big things in common is helpful. It makes disagreeing on the small things easier.

  2. Married 39 years, have stayed married despite huge bumps in the road that would have broken up most marriages. I think it comes down to how much each partners tends to have the characteristic of relationship commitment. If that is a strong, strong value in both, the relationship will continue and the problems will be worked through. EVERY marriage, after this many years, has many reasons for divorce. The key is to keep looking for the reasons to stay married. Traits like loyalty, relationship tenacity, commitment, ability to forgive….seems obvious they lead to long relationships, but they do.

    At the early stages, maybe tolerance of differences, acceptance of difference is a key. But sooner or later, one or both of you will do something “unforgivable”…..and what you do at that point is what determines whether or not the marriage will last. We are humans. We screw up. We tend to screw up the worst with those we are intimate with.

    1. Pat, I think you bring up a great point. There are many things that contribute to making marriages last and work well.

      One more thing I was thinking about when I read your response is: Marriages last when our positive thoughts outweigh our negative thoughts about our spouse! We may initially focus on the differences or the negative thing. Yet, eventually I find I am more like my spouse, both human, trying to do the best we can. We may look and act different on the outside, but inside we have a lot of the same fears (as well as goals).

  3. That is true Pat, and actually had he not left me I would of probably still been in an unhappy marriage.
    People today probably me included are too fast to throw in the towel. Congrats on such a long marriage.

    1. Good point. I “tolerated” my ex for 15 years. (married 12) Appreciate is a MUCH better way of saying it.
      I think some differences are good. But if you have nothing in common, then that is bad.

    2. Tolerance does have a negative vibe of gritting your teeth, doesn’t it? Thanks for the feedback. Accepting differences will occur with our spouses and even make things more interesting is a process, something to strive for, not grit your teeth through!

  4. I have been married for five years on Monday and together with my husband for seventeen years. We have been through so much together and in a conventional sense, we have defied the odds. My husband is very different to me and yet this provides such attractive qualities that I can learn from. Strangely enough, we were just talking yesterday about how sometimes we do struggle to understand each others differing perspectives but we do overcome this by taking time out to try and understand. Communication and appreciation are the key for me. I married my husband because he was different and not “despite” his differences. I suppose upon reflection it may depend on expectations – what we expect fro marriage and subsequently the expectations we put upon ourselves and consequently our spouses!!
    Lovely thought provoking article Marci and some refreshing honesty from those that commented – thank you.

  5. Since we *are* all different, it makes sense to learn to accept the differences in each other, maybe even to cherish those differences. It is fortuitous that your e-mail arrived in my inbox at the same time that I am working on my next article. My last two were in this arena, my next one is directly related, and you validate what I have written so far. I trust you won’t mind if I quote some of this if I link back here as well?


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