“3 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Therapy” Comments, Page 1

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11 Comments (4 Discussion Threads) on “3 Ways to Get the Most Out of Your Therapy”

  1. Anyone that’s been to therapy more than once has probably found that we aren’t all alike. While the goal may be the same, each therapist has a different perspective. I see the counseling session as a place for the coaching and preparation for thinking and working between sessions. I think the real change comes between sessions.

    What works for me in getting the most out of therapy: Keep a list of goals you want to work on. Think about your part in the problem between sessions. Observe and experiment. Bring your observations and thoughts to the session. Know what you want to explore in each session.

  2. One of the things that was said to me at the start of my therapy sessions was that this was MY therapy. It only works if you are prepared to put something into it. The more homework I did between sessions the better it would be. If I had any idea that in going to a therapist she would wave a magic wand to make things better, I realised from the start that the magic wand was in my hand and not hers! We covered a good amount of ground in each session. The more put in by the therapist and the client the more both can get out of it.
    My biggest need was to tell my story in a completely unedited way so I could let go of all the negative emotions I had built up. It was a place where I could be completely real. There were parts of of my that vitually no one knew of, the space to reflect on my life so far was precious.

    1. Great point Maria. thanks for sharing your experience and perspective. People often want me to have a magic wand, so I love your metaphor (“magic wand in my own hand”).

      The more helpless we feel, the more stuck we become, the more we look to others. Congrats on keeping your own “wand.”

    2. Thanks for commenting, Maria – I love the ‘magic wand in your own hand’ metaphor too. It is so true!

      A place to be real, tell it all as it is, and reflect, is such a powerful thing. Often telling the story and letting it take it’s own direction, is enough for the magic to start working. Happy that it worked for you…

  3. I have had four experiences of therapy in the last 13 years; only one has met my needs.

    The first was with a psychiatrist after a breakdown. I had 3 sessions that were absolutely worthless; he neither listened properly or set any kind of structure and work in between sessions. I read a few self help books and dragged myself back into healthy thinking processes.

    The second time was counselling with a CPN which started just over 2 years ago and ended last May. Again, there was no structure and despite stating very clearly what I hoped to gain, I didn’t receive anything useful. She actually used to say that she walked out of our sessions ‘on top of the world’ because I made her laugh (I use comedy as a coping mechanism). Finally, she realised that I have some serious deep seated problems and tried to refer me on to a therapist, but there was no funding. Unfortunately, the only way I could access therapy was via the ‘pain clinic’ (‘unfortunately’ as this final chance at therapy nearly pushed me over the edge.)

    I was referred to a ‘multi disciplinary’ team, the first specialist a psychologist. He assessed my background and asked what I really wanted out of life, but said I had to attend 2 full days a week (mornings in the gym; afternoons therapy). I refused as I’m too ill, and he said ok, but that he wanted to offer me 8 sessions of intensive psychotherapy. The first session was upsetting, and 10 minutes into the second session he used the ‘lacan technique’, he again asked me what I wanted and I told him that I didn’t want to feel accute anxiety and wanted to regain my creativity; he told me I would NEVER get rid of my anxiety, and then pushed my file away and said that he couldn’t help me but asked if I had reconsidered the 2 day a week clinic. I told him I hadn’t because I was too ill. He then said that unless I agreed, he would cancel the remaining 6 sessions! I told him that research says that it is dangerous for me to exercise vigorously, but he said that HIS research superceded that and his participants were ‘less disabled’ after attending the 4 week course. I said that only the fitter disabled would be capable of attending so his ‘research’ could not be accurate. He said that ONLY his therapy would help me and that if I did not attend, I could not access any further help (help which would have included a review of my medication and physio): he had totally misled me.

    I couldn’t afford private therapy so I accessed online therapy questionairres along with this site, which really helped. I strongly agree though that being clear about exactly what you want from therapy and then doing the work in between sessions is what helps you in the end: the onus IS on you. Nevertheless, I worry that others more vulnerable than me could easily be manipulated by such unprofessional therapists, but again, if certain therapists aren’t helping it’s better to stop and find something that will help than to continue to suffer perhaps for years like me.

    1. Clare – it sounds as if you have really gone through the mill as far as unprofessional therapists are concerned. The last experience sounds downright dangerous, in blocking your access to help (I don’t say ‘further’ help because it does not sound as if this therapist, with his arrogant and manipulative behaviour, gave you any).

      Very glad you have finally found some helpful resources. While the onus *is* on the individual at the end of the day, to find what is true and effective for them, the therapist really should provide unconditional support with that, structure if you need it, and a respectful, attentive place where you can work things out with no fear of judgement. You have the right, as a client, to expect those things. It makes me so angry to hear of therapists who completely fall short of these basic requirements.

  4. Thanks Sarah

    I had thought of reporting him concerning it, but when you have had mental health difficulties in the past you are always reticent about doing that because you are already perceived as unstable: it would be his word against mine.

    I know I said that the onus is on the individual to play their part in the recovery process, but some people are not resourceful enough or able to access the things I have. Certainly, no mental health professional within the NHS has directed me to an internet site that would help. I actually met a psychologist when I was at the pub a few years back and he suggested using the internet; I really had never thought of that before as I used the internet purely for reseach purposes in connection with my degree and for work projects. I think that the NHS should not only direct people to these sites but also provide information to patients regarding how they can engage with the therapy process as you detail above.

    I was really upset in my first session and told the psychologist that I had been badly let down in the past with regard to therapy and that I only had 8 sessions and I was worried that I would be a mess afterwards; he became emotional and said that he would never abandon me and if I needed further sessions afterwards he would make sure that the funding was approved. I told him very personal things in that session because I thought I could trust him; afterwards I cannot begin to explain just how he made me feel, it was as if I had been abused by someone. It has taken a 6 weeks just to get myself back to my normal level of mental health, whuch is not good at the best of times, and in addition my insomnia has returned which impacts badly on my physical and general mental capacity.

    The experience has certainly put me off trying face to face therapy again, but of course I am aware that there are many good therapists out there and that this incident is an isolated one.

    1. Hello Clare, I’m sorry to hear about what happened. I’ve had several years of therapy on and off, with mixed results. I got some initial therapy through my GP, and the counsellor there directed me into private therapy as she thought I’d need long term treatment and it was easier to access privately.

      She advised me of somewhere to go, and the first person I saw was awful. Said I should come 2-3 times a week, and get a loan to pay for treatment, and that “someone like me” should never see a student counsellor and that I had serious psychological problems. I had just broken up a relationship.. when I said how upset I was and couldn’t work out why she told me it was because I’d failed yet again. I also asked her for a letter for my private health insurance detailing a treatment plan (this was in an attempt to try and claim back money)… and she refused and said that she wouldn’t do it and I wasn’t up to telling the health providers where to go because of self-esteem issues. When I did claim back for a few sessions she told my health insurers that she wasn’t medically qualified and had made this clear to me, so initially they refused to pay (she was deemed to be qualified, she was an NHS psychotherapist as well as seeing private patients). I told my insurers she was mad (they paid me in the end), and spoke to the psychiatrist who referred me who was shocked at her behaviour and he said she shouldn’t be seeing patients from the NHS.

      It still gets on my nerves thinking about it. I’d rang her supervisor as I was crying after each session who assured me that therapy was sometimes hard and I should stay (not that hard!).

      I did see someone for years afterwards, who was very supportive and helped me look at my past, but I did get a bit stuck. I wasn’t really involved in my therapy or directing it. I am now seeing someone I found by accident.. she’s a hypnotherapist originally but she does some really good counselling work. I’m actually really pleased, she checks in with me, makes it clear this is my therapy and my choice (sounds obvious, but was lacking in what I’ve had before).

      It’s difficult as if you’re dealing with mental health issues it can be hard (well it was for me) to think I could do this and be involved in my own treatment to that extent, but the person I’m seeing now is great. I see her on a sliding financial scale as I’m back at work after ages off and clearing debts.

      For me, I find the best places are either counselling clinics where there are a fair few therapists/counsellors who are often monitored and support/supervise each other. I feel ‘safer’ there somehow.

      Good luck if you do try again.. I’ve also seen other weirdos like the guy who used to ask me to come to his badminton club and touch my hands to get me to stop doing certain things (and talk about his own problems).. there are some strange people out there..but the first person I saw was the worst.. because I was at my most vulnerable.

    2. Clare and elles – I am so sorry to read what the two have you have been through, when at your most vulnerable. I can understand the dilemma about reporting it – the fears that the whole thing will turn into an investigation of your own mental health. It seems as if the professionals have all the power, and that is not how it should be. If the therapists concerned are members of the BACP in the UK, however, it does seem to me (just from reading the results of ethical complaints in their journal) that their complaints procedure often works out in the interests of the client.

      I am glad that this conversation is out in the open, so others might pick up on danger signs, and feel less alone, or as if it is all ‘their problem’. I think it is a good piece of advice, elles, about counselling centres where lots of counsellors practice, for finding your feet again if you are brave enough to have another go after having had a bad experience. I think these can indeed be safer places.

      Wishing you both all the best.

  5. I just wanted to say thank you for your comments Sarah.. it’s amazing when I look back and I can now realise that I can do something about situations like that (as in report it and you could get listened to).

    It’s reassuring to hear you say it, appreciate it.

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