“Irrelevant, External, and “Hard-Luck” Thinking” Comments, Page 1

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6 Comments (One Discussion Thread) on “Irrelevant, External, and “Hard-Luck” Thinking”

  1. So at the time you hear them complaining about the “supposed” lie the officer told in your example above, should you remind them of the greater picture? Should you say a keyword such as watch the “irrelevant details”? Of course you run the chance of them turning their criticism onto you at which point you should disengage? We don’t want to enable a lie but we don’t want to get sucked into their reality either, like it is up to us to fix them. I notice that if I do nothing but just listen it is like I am agreeing to the point he is making. Then he later brings it up as fact over and over. Although if I say I disagree, he will just say that he knows I disagree but he wants me to hear him over and over like one day I’ll just wake up and know he has spoken truth for which my ears have been closed up to this point.

  2. Good question, Karen. Your comments indicate you already have good insight into this kind of situation.

    Sometimes, remaining silent appears like passive acquiescence or even endorsement. But sometimes it’s the best way to not reinforce. One way to counter the tendency to incessantly attend to the irrelevant until you capitulate is to deliberately mention a time or two when the person exhibited full accountability and attention to the relevant without going off on tangents and indicate how much respect and admiration you had for that. That puts the person in a bind whereby they can either choose keep focusing on the irrelevant and secure no reinforcement or change their tact and secure some positive regard.

    The most important thing to remember about any of these erroneous thinking patterns is that as long as they are present, there is a high likelihood that the maladaptive behavior such thinking spawned will occur again in the near future.

    1. This disordered thinking seems so much like the

      common rationalizations used by a depressed person.

      How do you distinguish the two? Is it possible to have both a character disorder and depression?

      The whole thing seems almost impossible to treat.
      Do antidepressants or any other medications help with character disorders?

      the person I know has PTSD and was in an emotionally abusive situation with husband for over 20 years. She also seems to have OCD and says she has ADD,
      She did not do well in school but made it through.
      She is very artistic and has musical ability.

      I don’t think she learned to use the rational part of the brain very well. The artistic side tends toward escapism and fantasy… she seems to be addicted to using the internet and making music with other folks all over the world. She also chats with these folks on Facebook etc.

      I do not think my husband and I will be able to help her enough as I have been keenly aware she needs professional help. But she must admit to some of her mistakes and distorted thinking patterns in order to change. I believe it is next to impossible to get her to do that.

      I had a therapist who worked with my distorted thinking when I had a depression for about 3 years.
      At that time the newer antidepressants had not been developed.

      I am still depressed but, I am continually trying to change things.. or my thinking. my husband and I have chronic diseases.. he has MS and financial problems, in a large part due to medical expenses. We have insurance it is just very expensive… so I continue to have therapy.

    2. How do you protect yourself from a constant bout of vicious words, continuously blaming and deliberately attacking people’s character to justify their actions and avert attention to avoid accountability for their actions in a delusional fashion. They exploit people with absolutely no remorse whatsoever. They have absolutely no boundaries and will criticize, humiliate and crucify anyone in public, then go up to complete strangers telling them about their whole life history in an effort to gain sympathy just to exploit them to make it seem as though they are the ones being abused.

  3. The questions asked her are precisely the ones I address in the section of my book dealing with the tools of empowerment. And the issues related to these folks defaming you to others is the subject of an article you can find here on the blog.

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