One of the most amazing things for my younger daughter, fifteen months, is appearing and disappearing. Being visible and then not. Hiding and reappearing. Curtains are the best for this, but any old surface will do, if it’s possible to get behind or under it. But it is already quite a grown-up game, she has already started to see the world as adults do, split up into separate entities.

In “Mother- and Father-Reported Reactions to Children’s Negative Emotions: Relations to Young Children’s Emotional Understanding and Friendship Quality”, researchers led by Dr. Nancy L McElwain of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign studied over 50 pre-school children, firstly assessing their emotional maturity, and then observing play sessions with a friend. In a situation designed to produce stress and conflict it turned out that the optimum situation for the child was one very involved parent and one much less so.

Psychology today reports on ‘permaparenting’, the phenomenon of young adults coming back to the nest for indefinite amounts of time, or never leaving it at all. It paints a fairly bleak picture of young adults who are not mature enough to leave, and parents who are not mature enough to let them.

‘Say Yes to No’ is the name of a Minnesota based movement designed to save children from what they define as the contemporary US ‘yes’ culture of self indulgence. Psychologist and author David Walsh calls saying no a parenting strategy which will save our children from a condition he calls “discipline deficit disorder, or DDD”…

The most important relationship we have in life is probably the first one, with our primary caretaker, usually, although not invariably, the mother. It is in this first relationship that we get our first taste of how to exchange love, care, pleasure, comfort, nourishment, in which we learn whether the world is a safe place that responds to our needs, or not.

It is of no surprise to anyone that women in their thirties or forties coping with work, young children and ‘running a home’ are exhausted to an extent which is dangerous to their health. What can we do about this dramatic state of affairs?

So, stress before and during pregnancy affects not only the gender of the baby but their future health and, so we are told, their intelligence. Not too much pressure, then!