Splitting refers to the unconscious failure to integrate aspects of self or others into a unified whole. The age old conscious and deliberate game of “dividing and conquering” is not the same as splitting.

True “acting-out” is an outward manifestation of an emotional conflict that can’t be consciously recognized by an individual. Acting-up is NOT acting-out.

Anxiety plays a central role in what we have commonly called neurosis. Anxiety plays a minimal role, however, in the problems of the disordered character.

Neurotics have a big sense of right and wrong, set high standards for themselves, and carry the proverbial world on their shoulders. In contrast, disordered characters have a remarkably impaired, immature, or underdeveloped conscience. In some cases, conscience can be absent altogether.

Neurotics are too quick to feel ashamed when they’ve fallen short and too guilty when they think they’ve done wrong. In contrast, disordered characters are disturbingly lacking in their capacity to experience even healthy levels of shame or guilt.

One of the ways that folks become embroiled in abusive or exploitive relationships is by falling prey to concerns about the way their character-disordered partner is feeling. They almost never consider that the brandishing of anger might be a tactic that character-disturbed individuals use to manipulate and control others, as opposed to a genuine feeling.

For neurotics, behavior such as denial is an unconscious defense mechanism that protects against the experience of unbearable pain. With disordered characters, what we commonly perceive as unconscious defenses (e.g., denial) are more often deliberate tactics of impression-management, manipulation, and responsibility-avoidance.