What is mindfulness? Why do we need it? And what does it have to do with therapy?

So our irritation with someone else is just our irritation with ourselves? Sometimes this is the case, but sometimes they really are being irritating! Should we eat our own projections?

We might find that when we have time and space, or when we meditate, or go for walks, or write down what we are feeling, or whatever it is that we do, we end up just listening to our thoughts, which behave like the loudest guests at the party. We might never hear from that quiet girl in the corner who looks really interesting…

For me the key to therapy is space: space in which to listen and to perceive in a total way everything that the client says with their words, and with their body, space in which to listen as if this person were the first and only person in the world, and they were giving you some infinitely precious information — how it is for them.

Why do some parents become over-involved with their children’s lives? And what can they do about it? Maybe the first step toward letting go of a vice-like emotional grip on children is to work out what your own needs are.

The classic response to a client’s question is to turn it back on the client, treating the question as revealing of a particular need. “I see it is really important to you to know…” This technique makes me flinch.

Doing something totally different — whether that means meditating, going for a walk, or quite literally, cleaning — stepping outside the obsessive thoughts and calculations brings that clear, bright, refreshing feeling back.