I know so many people who got into destructive relationships in the first place because even though they saw the warning signs of problem behaviors, they spent too much mental time and energy guessing about the person’s motives.

When someone engages in a behavior that’s a problem, the reason they do it is irrelevant. If we try too hard to “understand” the behavior, before long we’ll find ourselves excusing it and eventually enabling it.

Playing to the desire of another to be valued and liked can be a powerful manipulation tool.

Overt and covert intimidation become more effective when the manipulator is skilled in communicating emotional tenacity, determination, and resolve, sending the message that the other party is no match in a contest with them.

Leveling is a slick tool which manipulators use to try and “level the playing field” or field of interpersonal contest.

This “okay, okay!” tactic is the disturbed character’s attempt to get you off their back by insinuating that they understand what you are asking and are willing to accede to it while they actually have no intention of changing their stance.

“Tuning-out” someone who’s trying to make a point, teach a lesson, or call attention to a problem is a principal way that the disordered character resists internalizing the values, standards, and controls society wants him to adopt.