Although I once brushed it off as trite and unrealistic, I’ve come to realize that Fromm was right: there is an art to loving.

Developing sound character takes work — a lot of work. The hardest part is being honest with oneself, examining one’s conscience and one’s track record, especially under adversity.

We seem to have lost something. What it might be is hard to say. But it has something to do with our willingness to reckon with the truth.

Just as healing physical whiplash requires avoiding activities that might inflame the affected tissues, getting over an encounter with a manipulator requires avoiding self-reproach and learning to ascribe responsibility where it truly belongs.

Charlie Sheen and Bernie Madoff are just two of the latest examples showing that yes, character really does matter. As I state in the title of one of my books, character disturbance is the phenomenon of our age.

You might want them to see the self-defeating and other-harming consequences of their behavior, but the fact is many disturbed characters already see, they just disagree.

I’ve been privileged to have worked with so many good people, wanting to grow, motivated to learn, willing to self-examine, and appreciative of the understanding and support I might provide.