One of the ways that folks become embroiled in abusive or exploitive relationships is by falling prey to concerns about the way their character-disordered partner is feeling. They almost never consider that the brandishing of anger might be a tactic that character-disturbed individuals use to manipulate and control others, as opposed to a genuine feeling.

For neurotics, behavior such as denial is an unconscious defense mechanism that protects against the experience of unbearable pain. With disordered characters, what we commonly perceive as unconscious defenses (e.g., denial) are more often deliberate tactics of impression-management, manipulation, and responsibility-avoidance.

When you’re talking about a neurotic individual, it’s reasonable to think of their personality as a sort of “mask” or facade that hides their true self. But when it comes to the disordered character, what you see is what you get.

Disturbed characters generally have too much self-esteem. They know what they have going for them and they equate their endowments with their identity. This is one of the main reasons their self-image can become inflated. On the other hand, disturbed characters often are frequently and chronically lacking in self-respect.

Neurotics often have damaged self-images that stem from low self-esteem. Disordered characters see themselves as superior which leads to a sense of entitlement. What’s more, disordered characters aren’t compensating for anything, they really do think they’re all that!

Neurotics want things to be good and wonderful, take it hard when things go wrong, and blame themselves for failures. Disordered characters take adversity in stride and blame everyone and everything else when their actions invite disastrous consequences.

Neurotics are generally uncomfortable with the “symptoms” of their illness and seek help on their own. While others may be upset with signs and symptoms of their disturbance, disordered characters like who they are and how they operate and rarely get into therapy unless pressured to do so.