Splitting refers to the unconscious failure to integrate aspects of self or others into a unified whole. The age old conscious and deliberate game of “dividing and conquering” is not the same as splitting.

An offense involves fighting hard enough to secure a goal and remove obstacles to that goal. A defense involves expending just enough energy to ward off an attack or prevent injury.

Often when someone says that another person is being “passive-aggressive,” they really mean something else. Let’s clarify just what passive-aggression is — and what it isn’t — with the help of a framework for understanding human aggression in general.

True “acting-out” is an outward manifestation of an emotional conflict that can’t be consciously recognized by an individual. Acting-up is NOT acting-out.

Anxiety plays a central role in what we have commonly called neurosis. Anxiety plays a minimal role, however, in the problems of the disordered character.

Neurotics have a big sense of right and wrong, set high standards for themselves, and carry the proverbial world on their shoulders. In contrast, disordered characters have a remarkably impaired, immature, or underdeveloped conscience. In some cases, conscience can be absent altogether.

Neurotics are too quick to feel ashamed when they’ve fallen short and too guilty when they think they’ve done wrong. In contrast, disordered characters are disturbingly lacking in their capacity to experience even healthy levels of shame or guilt.