Many people enjoy a healthy and sometimes rewarding or even fulfilling relationship with work. For some others, though — especially for some problem personality types — work is more than literally a four-letter word, especially when it benefits someone else.

What does ‘change’ really mean? What does it take to bring about real change? How can we recognize when change is really taking place?

All too many people continue to stay with a character disturbed partner because they themselves have character issues that are dysfunctional. Here is an example of a woman who justifies her staying with her boyfriend by finding excuses for his cheating and manipulation — maybe it’s “just midlife crisis.”

Most folks know the feeling of shame so well, they can hardly understand that character-impaired people may have different underlying motives for their behavior. Erroneous notions about human nature may make sense in the context of ‘neurotic’ personalities, but when trying to understand character-impairment they leave us vulnerable to abuse and manipulation.

Positive psychology is a science that pursues the nature of happiness. It teaches us how to cultivate attitudes, beliefs and behaviors that help build a healthy, happy, robust character. As we learn to modify these core aspects of ourselves, we become more resilient; we become more able to recover and retain happiness.

Learn to recognize these three red flags that the therapeutic process isn’t likely to work for a character disturbed individual in your life. Successful therapy for character disturbance does not depend on any of the these mainstays of traditional therapy, like focusing on feelings, trying to ‘see’ what the person is doing, or working on fears and insecurities and self-esteem issues. Part 3 of a series.

Whether as a couple or as an individual, keep these three things in mind to increase your chances of finding and working with a therapist who will actually be able to help with disturbed characters in your life and relationships. Part 2 of a series.