Self Harm: Hurting Yourself to Help Yourself
The issue of self-harm is gaining a higher profile, in the UK at least, but it still remains to some extent a hidden and misunderstood problem, as evidenced by the stereotype of a teenage girl cutting her arms in a dark bedroom.
The issue of self harm is gaining a higher profile, in the UK at least, but it still remains to some extent a hidden and misunderstood problem.
The stereotype is of a lonely teenage girl cutting her arms in a dark bedroom. Statistics, however, show that in the mid-thirties age group, men are more likely than women to turn up at hospitals suffering from the effects of self harm. That’s according to the website www.harmless.org.uk, which provides a forum, email support and information on self-harm.
Other misleading notions about self harm are that the cutting, burning, bruising etc. represent failed suicide attempts, or manipulative cries for help or attention, or that self harming is an incomprehensible mental illness.
In fact people who self harm are usually suffering from intense emotional distress, and self harming is a way of gaining a precious moment of relief, or of controlling and managing their emotions. They use self harming as a way of coping, a survival strategy.
It may be hard to imagine the level of internal distress that makes cutting yourself seem like a pleasant option, but if it is, this is due to our lack of empathy and not the fact that people who have self harmed are in some way beyond the pale. People who self harm often suffer additionally from shame and isolation.
The good news is that counselling can be instrumental in breaking down the shame and isolation through a supportive relationship, uncovering the causes of the overwhelming emotions and working with people who self harm to find other strategies for coping.
Find Additional Information
Learn more with a Google search specifically on the ‘Harmless’ site:
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This article was last reviewed by on Tuesday, 5th February 2008. You can leave a response below.
The URL of this page is:
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/02/05/self-harm/
6th February 2008
The person I know who cuts themselves says that it helps by ‘focussing the pain’.
This leads into a huge range of discussions about how pain is responded to by society. Eg being encouraged to take pain killers so you can keep working. Is this not a mild form of self-harm?
8th February 2008
Interesting idea, it’s a bit like self-harm in reverse - making yourself not feel in order to function, whereas classic self-harmers have - I would say - possibly a more healthy approach in making themselves feel the pain in a concrete way in order to deal with it somehow, gain some relief. There are certainly the seeds of health in there…
8th February 2008
True, I like the way you put this. I especially think that it is important that the behaviour contains the seeds of health.
I do think thought that the self-harem is also a response to the deadening. These are complex issues - and probably beyond the limits of a comment on a blog I think.
Thankyou for raising such an important issue and dealing with it in such a thoughtful and compassionate way.
5th March 2008
I agree with what you said. Some people think cutters are making parasuicidal gestures. In fact, they are not! The cutting releases the tension and helps them cope with living. It is the exact opposite of what most people think..most cutters don’t want to show their wounds and are highly embarrassed. I am a counselor - I highly recommend the book “Cutting” by Steven Levenkron
8th March 2008
Thanks for the recommendation, Lucille…
18th March 2008
Self Harm: Deteriation of one’s soul, Convusion of another
Self harm as clearly noted is a survival skill. Harming is a fear of death, yet the border to it. Dealing with such emotions builds a fear of one self, a misunderstanding of our emotions. I look at life as a game, I used to self harm….walking around with memories engraved into my body. Yet is it the pain we are releasing or is it the releasing of distortion, and an escape rout out of reality. Life as I said I live like game. Emotions are something no one can understand, yet we fight against. We all run towards that same finish line, and urge ourselves to leave satisfied. Yet satisfaction can not truly be found for dissapointment is something we can’t hide from. Releasing each story through a blad lets the confusion settle, yet the pain grow. Each step takes you closer to the finish and closer to self relisation. Processing our lives, and re-avaluating the choices of others influences choices of one. Yet happiness is seeked through others, but can we be happy being the only one on this planet, with no knowledge of lonliness? Is happiness an emotion or is it a need….? To be truly satisfied one must love every aspect of oneself…can that be done? Lonliness with the knowledge…can it be done? Cutting is a fear of death, a hope for a mistaken death, yet purpose of pain. Purpose of letting go, to open more doors. Each time you let go, you let more in. How is it, that one thinks that self harm is a mental illness. Is it not a scewed thinking , or misunderstanding of others thought purpose…in that its self is that not alone a mental illness. In life there are degrees od severity, yet we are not wired the same. If each one thinks different, than how can there be agreement on lifes challenges and coping skills of others. With out agreement, there can never be no jugment…yet juging is a degree of mental illness in its self. Tell me…what truly akes someone ill…is it we can murder…the eating problems…self harm…thought process? or does soicity place a label on the knowledge we really don not have? Without the labels we would all be “sane”
18th March 2008
Hi Veronika,
What you say is so dense I feel disoriented reading it.
The beginning of a response for me is that: we can communicate - profoundly and intimately - even though we have our differences. Even talking about our differences can lead us closer, not further apart. This is a quite different approach to being judgemental. Without having absorbed everything you say, I think this is the beginning point.
30th April 2008
I feel the need to cut myself so strong. I have failed at everything I have ever tried. This is my way to succeed at something.I have only done it once, but tried it a couple of times.I was told that I need complete victory. The bible says that perfect love casts out fear. I want to prove that I have no fear.
22nd July 2008
I self harm. Im finding it really hard to stop.
22nd July 2008
It is a very hard thing to stop by yourself, without help and support. Have you tried to find a counsellor or some other kind of help? Sending good wishes. To Veronika and Deb too…