I think the complexity is revealed in behaviour - the ‘underneath’ I think is best regarded as an invitation to pay close attention.

I am finding all your posts very interesting George - in fact so interesting that rather than becoming embroiled in discussion about them (no time!) I have been not commenting at all! “In denial” (sic) about the comments facility :-)

thanks, Diane!

The main point of the current post is that a lot of the behaviors that can be appropriately conceptualized as unconscious defense mechanisms in neurotic personalities are better conceptualized as tactics of impression management, manipulation, and responsibility-avoidance when we’re talking about individuals with character disturbance. “Denial” is just one of those behaviors.

Denial, then, becomes a question of psychological vs. behavioral.

Wow, That sure changes everything! Keep up the ignoring and I am glad too that you are going to change her number. If things get more serious get a restraining order.

When you asked what would he be like when he grew up I shudder to think of that. I agree with the others here that have posted. The fact these types either worsen. Or they stay the same. Which neither is healthy.

You hang in there and keep your daughter protected take no chances. Keep abreast of the mentality you are dealing with and reread Dr. Carver’s articles so you can be ready. You might consider a restraining order if things get more scarier than they are already are.

Margaret’s absolutely right - and you are right too, these scary messages he’s sending her are not a good sign. He’s obviously a bit over the edge. But we knew that, I guess.

Someone did this to me when I was a teenager - phoned me to say he knew where I’d been, and what route I’d be taking to the bus the next day (it was usually through a wooded ravine). It was very scary, and I never did find out who it was. There were even death threats - hints about places I was “advised not to go” or that I should “arm myself”, and that he was only calling in order to protect me. Like the boy you describe, despite all this he would also often make plans to meet me, seemingly in full expectation that I would show up.

The weird, unrealistic aspect of this behavior also showed up in my recent friend, the one who caused me to research personality disorders and to find this forum. It makes it obvious that these people walk in a different world than the majority of us.

Again, she’ll just have to become as boring as possible to him. My mistake as a teenager was that I listened long enough on the phone for him to deliver whatever vile message he had in mind. I thought I might be able to identify him, or that he might come clean. When I started hanging up with his first syllable (this was before call-display), his calls became much less frequent.

I hope your daughter’s former bf gets a new “hobby” soon.
~Wendy