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Dr George Simon, PhD

“When the Jig is Up for Controllers: Time for Caution” Comments, Page 1

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    Katherine Jackman

    Dr. Simon, how much should one explain to the aggressor about why the relationship is changing. In my case, I am pulling way back from a poisonously covert-aggressive mother. How should I answer her inevitable hissy fit? Do I give her any explanation?

    • 1.1

      Great question, Katherine. It’s also one I get a lot.

      It’s really risky to assume that the other person really needs an explanation. The only reason someone might need one is if they really didn’t know what they were doing in the first place. And, as I’ve noted in prior articles, most of the time (not always) these types of folks not only know what they’re doing but they’re also comfortable with it because it’s compatible with their preferred style and it often gets them their way. So, all you really have to do is set and enforce your boundaries and limits.

      You could spend all day explaining to a puppy that if he will just sit up and stick out his paw, you’ll give him a biscuit, or you could simply wait for him to do it and then reward him. Usually, it takes only a few times for him to “get it” with respect to what he needs to do to earn what you have to give. Human beings have 10,000 times the brain power. Simply set the terms of engagement. In time, the person you’re dealing with will “get it.”

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