Does Familiarity Necessarily Breed Contempt?
We are creatures who cannot tolerate the repetitive and mundane for very long. And I really need to be finished with a project I’ve been working on every day for several months.
In the early 20th century work Hand-Made Fables [Amazon-US | Amazon-UK], George Ade wrote that “familiarity breeds contentment.” A few years after Ade wrote those words, the American humorist and author Samuel Clemens (aka Mark Twain) would famously claim that “familiarity breeds contempt — and children.”
Over the past several months, I have struggled to put the finishing touches on a manuscript to be published at the end of this spring. I have looked at the material daily, and it has gotten to the point that I’ve actually developed an aversion to it. Perhaps familiarity, at least over-familiarity, truly does breed contempt.
It seems we are creatures who cannot tolerate the repetitive and mundane for very long. Something becomes exhausted in our spirit when we have no variety, novelty or new opportunity in our lives. Our distaste for monotony is so deeply rooted that scientists are spending a lot of resources devising ways that might keep astronauts sufficiently occupied with interesting and stimulating tasks on very long space flights, such as a mission to Mars.
Of course, the opposite is also true. There are folks who are so novelty- and stimulation-seeking that they can’t savor some of the blessings of constancy and commitment. The have an almost pathological distaste for boredom in their personality, even in situations where most of us wouldn’t necessarily get bored. This inevitably gets them into big trouble. So it seems, as always, that it’s a matter of balance.
All that said, I really can’t wait to be DONE with the project with which I’ve been involved. I felt this same way after completing my first book. The only way I even came to like it again was after it was published and I began getting some kind letters from various folks validating the work. I sure hope that happens again. But for right now, my feelings are much less contentment and more contempt. I just need to be done!
Can anyone relate?
4 Responses (2 Discussion Threads) to “Does Familiarity Necessarily Breed Contempt?”
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While I realize your article is about your own contempt over you manuscript, I think this is also an excellent article as it can be related to long-term relationships and marriage in particular.
It seems our culture in general is obsessed with the idea that once the initial passion and excitement of a new relationship wears off, that means we have “fallen out of love” or even that it wasn’t “meant to be”. When, in fact, it’s only after the adrenaline rush of a new relationship wears off that real love can be cultivated. That is the period when we stop seeing our relationship through rose colored glasses and let our guards down and see each other as we really are. It’s unfortunate that so many move on from relationship to relationship always seeking the impossible….the ONE that will feel perfect forever. It’s a fairy tale, not reality.
Thanks, Cyndi for such an insightful comment. Your read through the lines of this piece wonderfully. Yes, even though I gave a personal example, the issue here is about the balance we all need with respect to needing variety in our lives vs. learning to accept and even value the sometimes necessary mundane and “old” in our lives.
As I noted briefly in the article, there are some who have absolutely no tolerance for the mundane, boring, or for anything that brings discomfort in any form. And, in the age of instant-fixes, entitlement, and easy access to all sorts of instant gratification, it’s little wonder so many these days choose to bolt rather than endure whenever they’re called upon to handle the more difficult aspects of maintaining a commitment.
You’re points are very well-taken and much appreciated! : )
Yes, I can relate; I have this sort of feeling at times when in the midst of an art project. I will get stuck and wonder why I ever started the thing, feel sick of it, and realize I need to take the dog for a long walk in the park before I give in to the urge to throw the entire thing in a trash can.
Unlike you however, I seldom work on any piece longer than two months. Perhaps for you the problem is not so much that familiarity breeds contempt as it is that working alone for a long period of time is not gratifying. After all, even we introverts need feedback and validation. Maybe you need more immediate feedback to fuel your efforts.
Thanks for your understanding, Gabriella, and for your input, too. This project has been a bit unusual for me (I have many more projects “in progress,” shall we say) and for a variety of reasons has required a much longer than usual sustained effort on my part. Nothing like repetitiveness and monotony to dampen the creative spirit! LOL.
Let’s hope the feedback and validation comes after this new work is finally released. Maybe I’ll even get to liking it again!
Now that I think of it, maybe I should take a break and go play a little piano……. : )