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29 Responses (12 Discussion Threads) to “A Dreamer’s Life: The INFP Personality Type”
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1
I’m an INFP too and am also hopelessly unorganized! Nice to see I’m in such good company. :)
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1.1
Thanks for the comment, Cyndi. Isn’t it great to have a forum like this to help us keep organized and connected…..
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Tony
1.2Hi! Being predominantly INFP myself, I haven’t read you word for word; just tried to get your drift :-i
I know how you feel….and probably how you think. For me being INFP has been a big problem, especially for a straight bloke! I’m supposed to be organised and logical, according to my role models and I can be if I try but without doubt, my world is in my head and my feelings are the key motivators in just about everything I do and say. I have all the classic traits, as identified by Carl Jung (you know exactly what they are) but these traits have put me at great odds with the life I,ve had so far. For 35 years I’ve been in engineering and couldn’t understand why I never really enjoyed it. I’ve been fired three times for dissagreeing with people who upset my inner values, which as you know are profoundly routed in freedom and fairness and I’ve paid the price for not aligning my life and career with myself; instead trying to align myself with my life and career.
During the last ten years however, I’ve studied psycholgy as a hobby (you’re not surprised are you?); the writing was on the wall even then but I did nothing about it. I’m now studying psychotherapy and counselling (still not surprised?) with a view to finally changing my career and my life to suit me. I’ll finally be able to make sense of life for myself and it’s already making big positive improvement in the way I feel. I know I’ve done the right thing because I FEEL great and hopefully, by the end of next year, the metamorphosis will be complete.
My point is this: I believe you will always have questions with yourself if you don’t first find out who you really are and what you really want. The next step is find out what you do best (chances are it’s because you have a natural aptitude for it) and then get on with the business of aligning your life with those values and needs. Hopefully then, you wont feel like a fish out of water any more. Hopefully you will feel at one with yourself and everything around you. I know this all sounds rather utopian but you owe it to yourself to get the most from your life. If you are as complete as you can be, you’re far more likely to be able to complete other peole’s lives too; at least that’s what I’m hoping for . -
1.3
Thanks for your comment, Tony. As value-oriented as we INFPs tend to be, there’s almost nothing quite as unsettling as an inauthentic life. Fortunately, there’s nothing quite as edifying as coming in contact with natural endowments you were meant to share with the world and finding yourself in the process. Good luck in your voyage of discovery! : )
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2
I relate very much to this too – although I am an INFJ so *supposedly* a little more organised…although as INFJs are by far the rarest type maybe it is my own special form of organisation ;-)
I think the world really needs people who are “preoccupied with understanding the ultimate meanings of things”….and especially those who can also communicate as clearly as you!
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2.1
Thanks, Sarah. I’m always more than a bit envious of those who have even a slight edge on me with respect to “organization.” But, alas I’m resigning myself to remaining forever a mess! It is, nonetheless a small consolation and heartwarming to have others affirm that at least I can communicate clearly! : )
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3
I’ve known I was an INFP for 20 years. But I’ve always approach being INFP as being left-handed or right-handed and not as a set personality style. It’s a preference in behavior. Unsuccessful behavior can be managed.
Learning to be social is a learned skill. I’m still tired afterwards, but I can do it and enjoy it. My projects are still disorganized but I learned to set up small rewards in order to finish large tasks. I learned chunking large tasks.
All of this boils down to deciding want I wanted an mitigating any INFP that keeps from it. I’m right-handed but I use my left-hand when I need. It’s not my preference but I can. I can take on INTJ behavior at work. I can mimic ENFP behavior for a brief time when meeting new acquaintances.
Yes, it did feel unnatural at first. So is playing pool or golf. Those aren’t natural behavior or movement. However, they can be learned.
I still have a myriad of uncompleted projects because I start new ones that are more interesting. I still need to spend a few hours alone everyday to recharge which is tough with kids.
However, I’ve come to terms with how the world is with how I want it to be. I’m a pragmatic Idealist. I’m also very idealistic about my pragmatism.
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3.1
Thanks so much for such an insightful as well as inspiring comment, Corin! There’s hope for us after all, isn’t there?
Really, I very much get what you’re saying about learning to modify and acquire a better sense of balance, even if it doesn’t come “naturally.” And I also really get how INFPs often need to withdraw and “recharge” after a bit too much “engagement” with the outer world.
You made some great points here and expressed them very well. Thanks, again.
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Sahana
4I am happy to have found this website. I am hearing this term INFP, for the first time aswell. But, I too dream of a world without so much conflict, of more equity and justice in life, and of greater understanding and acceptance between people. Let all your dreams come true!
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4.1
Thanks, Sahana. One heart and soul at a time…….
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Gabriella
5Although I’m an INTJ, there’s a lot I relate to in your post. I am primarily interested in ideas and possibilities and the bigger meanings of things in life, and I find few others who share these interests. The extroverted majority would rather be engaged in activities and socializing. That’s why I am grateful that I can stop by this site where people talk about these things.
Thanks for the great post, Dr. Simon.
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5.1
And we are so glad to have you, Gabriella! : )
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allan
6My girlfriend is an INFP person and it creates a lot of problems.I love her very much and I respect her dreams. But she constantly makes a mess of her outer life, accumulating large credit card debts, frequently quits her jobs and enter into her dream world to escape the pressure of society.One day she wants to immigrate to Africa and the next day she wants to study cooking to open a restaurant. Unfortunately I have to stay in the real world to pay off mortages and her credit card debts and provide basic security for our lives. Talking to her about it doesn’t bring anything because in her heart she doesn’t feel it’s a problem, eventhough she says she agrees with me, her heart doesn’t.So basically after some time the whole thing starts all over again, and it puts a heavy personal and financial strain on me
My questions is: I truly love her, but what can I do to make our life work, and how can I communicate with her in her world, and how can I make her realize some of the problems of the outer world.-
6.1
Great question, Allan. INFPs tend to bristle at criticism and try to avoid conflict. They take contests of wills personally and when others try to communicate with them about different values and operating principles, they can sometimes tend to interpret it as an indictment of their character, especially if any judgmental tone, negativity, or lack of feeling comes through.
Fortunately, INFPs are also fiercely loyal and committed when it comes to the values they have as well as those they share with others. They also tend to do better handling the external demands of the world when there is some structure set for them (as opposed to setting that structure for themselves).
So, it’s important to communicate not on a judgmental level, but rather on a feeling level and with attention to values. For example, the value of greater financial responsibility is one that could be discussed in an atmosphere of how it makes you feel and the conflict it introduces into your life. Rather than criticizing and judging, if the communication is all about how to resolve conflict and healing wounds by coming to share the “value” of greater financial responsibility, you’re likely to have a much better shot at finding some middle ground. Once there is a meeting of the souls on this value, it might even be possible share duties upholding the value (e.g., you taking the role of “structuring” the relationship’s financial security) while she takes the lead in keeping life interesting and vibrant.
Remember, no judgments or condemnation, just a heartfelt baring of the soul and feelings regarding the values necessary to make the relationship prosper.
Good luck!
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Sneha
7I have always wondered if i should not have been in business management but taken up humanities… finally i quit when i could take it no more… the past couple of years have been trying to discover what i really want to do in life… in the process took many personality tests, including the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and they all pointed towards INFP characteristics and the need to do something meaningful.
It’s been a struggle… It was so difficult trying to explain it to even my friends… Now when i am more clear about atleast the direction i want to move in, my own family doesn’t understand me… they still want me to stick on to the traditional safe route, while i want to break away, fly in the open, feel the wind, try to reach out to my dreams… but i always find myself being pulled down… My request to allow me the freedom to follow my dreams, do things my way, ends up in arguments with my family.. Things just end up in leaving me more and more frustrated… Couple of friends who tried to stand up for me are not really liked by my family, as they feel I am being misguided by them…
They feel my dreams are foolish, romantic and unrealistic and that i need to follow more realistic things and in between the ‘so called realisitic goals’ i can spend some spare time (if i have any) to pursue my dreams as a pasttime…
In the process I am stuck in a rut, torn apart between wanting not to hurt my family whom I love so much and the frustration of not being able to do what I love… The frustration of trying to confirm to what they think is appropriate…
Then I keep thinking that some day some messiah will walk into my life and let me free, let me be… (more so because my efforts to believe in and to take initiative to follow my dreams have always met with a roadblock… i have never really been successful in breaking away from the chains that tie me down)
And they don’t even realise the pain i am going through… they don’t understand why i behave like this … they just feel I am being adamant and that instead of cribbing I should be thankful for such a nice life and for all that my family has done for me… In fact they feel that all I’m doing is trying to cause them pain and making things more difficult for them…
I feel really lost… why don’t they understand me, my dreams, why don’t they let me live my life, let me bear the consequences of my decisions (at least i won’t feel I didn’t try), why? when often all i ask for is to just be able to be a better human being… to let me feel the way i do about things… why am i then forced to do what i don’t really enjoy, to put on a mask that I am not, to powder up my defects… why can’t i be accepted the way I am???-
7.1
Hi, Sneha. You raise some great points here. INFPs are all about values and concepts that really do seem like ridiculous, romantic, unrealistic dreams to many. But as far as being accepted goes, the real challenge for the “dreamer” is not to finally succeed in securing the approval of others but to arrive at a deep and abiding faith in oneself and the validity of the “dream” so inextricably tied to your very soul.
Happy dreaming!
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Freerace8
As I’m an INFP, it won’t surprise you to learn that I’m an apprentice psychotherapist. More interesting, in my learning I’ve discovered someting called existential psychotherapy. Give it a read; it struck a such chord with me; I can’t put it down. basically, it perports that our inner conflict stems from our struggle with existence. I’d like to hear what you have to say about it; especially if you have any experience with this kind of therapy.
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8.1
It’s so very natural for an INFP to find a home in the world of existential philosophy, psychology, and psychotherapy. It’s almost always the “big picture” issues that so concern us. As therapists, INFPs are often able to help their clients deal with their innermost concerns and to find the meaning and purpose they seek in their lives. In a paradoxical way, accepting the uncertainty and inherent conflicts that comes with our “existential anxiety” is the first step toward living life more fully, peacefully, and purposefully.
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Carrie
9I am an INFP, i can relate to the person who commented about the constantly switching life goals. I’d actually believed it was my husband who wrote it but I’ve never owned a credit card :) I think its because I want to do all those things and I feel I could do great things in everything I want to do but then I can’t seem to push myself in one direction or the other. He always says to me “You want to be something different everyday” I want to be all these things its just sometimes one thing inspires me over the other. Question–You listed JFK as an INFP. I thought it was Jackie 0 as an INFP and JFK as an ENTJ (Field marshal) That’s what I’ve read before. I thought it was neat and remembered it because my husband is an ENTJ and given our obvious extremes I was kind of worried but then they gave the example of JFK and his wife and said when two extremes meet, they either clash or balance each other. We clashed a lot at first until we discovered the personality types and it was like a whole new understanding of each other was developed. I’ve been able to soften his hard edges and he’s been able to create something resembling organization from my chaos. Its funny to see how both of us are enamored and extremely irritated by the others personality.
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9.1
Thanks for your comments, Carrie. I sometimes jest with my friends that my most ardent prayer is that re-incarnation is really true because it would take several lifetimes for me to squeeze in all the things I’ve wanted to do just in this lifetime.
As for whether the JFK INFP designation is correct, most of the lore about such things comes from retrospective reconstruction as opposed to hard data, so I too have read conflicting accounts about famous people and their M-B type.
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Ester
10Wow. This is so me.. I am most definitely a dreamer. When I was 7, I was in the backseat of my dads car when a tissue blew out of the car window and in my little weird mind I thought was so beautiful and started making up poems about it. And in middle school, I was in the school bus while passing by a road full of white flowers but didn’t notice any of it till I saw one particular flower. I got home and wrote a one page note about why I think I saw that one particular flower out of thousands of same flower..I always and mostly without realizing, try to find the meaning of every little thing.. Also I am a master planner. but only in my head. The plans are logical but I have trouble making them a reality. I love details. I feel the ‘big picture’ is too impersonal and easy. like abstract art. I despise modern art.. Unfortunately because of my personality, I can never seem to finish anything on time. If something is not exactly the way I want it to look, I have to start over and I really don’t mind. These setbacks has done major damages to my projects, classes, and eventually scholarships. The only thing I hate more than getting bad grades is the fact that I can’t work on anything, even coloring my drawings, if my room is cluttered. While I should be spending every second of my time working on something that is top priority, I get distracted and have to clean the room first or take care of whatever is distracting me. It really bums me out when I think maybe I don’t really care about my life and that’s why I am so distracted and can’t seem to focus at all.
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10.1
Thanks for sharing, Ester.
One of the things I’ve always found true in my work with “dreamers” is that once we get past the notion that it’s “healthier” to wrap-up projects in discrete packages and when we go beyond regarding “distractibility” as merely a symptom of an attention deficit or some other kind of disorder, we can really begin enjoying and paying more positive regard to the creative process itself. Paradoxically, this seems to let many dreamers and artists immerse themselves in their endeavors to the point that more of their “projects” actually get completed. So the key seems to be acceptance and celebration of your scattered, idea-a-minute self. You might be surprised what ends up getting done! : )
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