Comments on: The ‘Ten Commandments’ of Character Development, Number Five http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/11/17/the-ten-commandments-of-character-development-number-five/ Looking at life through the prism of psychology, philosophy, mental health and more. Originally created by counsellor, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr Greg Mulhauser, this blog is now the work of an international team of contributors. Fri, 25 May 2012 16:17:12 +0000 hourly 1 By: Dr George Simon, PhD http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/11/17/the-ten-commandments-of-character-development-number-five/comment-page-1/#comment-51720 Dr George Simon, PhD Mon, 04 Jan 2010 23:59:19 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1944#comment-51720 Thank you so much for your kind comments, Matt. I hope you continue to find our features a valuable resource. Thank you so much for your kind comments, Matt. I hope you continue to find our features a valuable resource.

]]> By: Matt Smith, LPC http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/11/17/the-ten-commandments-of-character-development-number-five/comment-page-1/#comment-51719 Matt Smith, LPC Mon, 04 Jan 2010 22:00:19 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1944#comment-51719 Dr. George, This is an excellent website! I've seen nothing quite like it for therapists starting their private practices. Thank you for all this information! Just priceless. You do us a great service! Matt Smith Psychotherapist Dr. George,

This is an excellent website!

I’ve seen nothing quite like it for therapists starting their private practices.
Thank you for all this information! Just priceless.

You do us a great service!

Matt Smith
Psychotherapist

]]> By: Ellie http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/11/17/the-ten-commandments-of-character-development-number-five/comment-page-1/#comment-51444 Ellie Fri, 20 Nov 2009 23:49:34 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1944#comment-51444 thank you - I hadn't thought about that before, very useful. I tend to beat myself up mentally if I can't delay gratification, but as you say, there is more to it than that. One of my most character disordered exes was a master at delaying gratification in lots of areas... but he definitely didn't believe in advancing the cause of life! Unless it was for his own needs. I'd like to do that, and perhaps I can if I work on that and other things. Thought provoking article. thank you – I hadn’t thought about that before, very useful. I tend to beat myself up mentally if I can’t delay gratification, but as you say, there is more to it than that.

One of my most character disordered exes was a master at delaying gratification in lots of areas… but he definitely didn’t believe in advancing the cause of life! Unless it was for his own needs.

I’d like to do that, and perhaps I can if I work on that and other things. Thought provoking article.

]]> By: Dr George Simon, PhD http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/11/17/the-ten-commandments-of-character-development-number-five/comment-page-1/#comment-51429 Dr George Simon, PhD Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:11:13 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1944#comment-51429 Hi, Ellie. Certainly the ability to delay gratification is part of it (and in my experience those who have a problem with this are much more addiction prone), but I'm trying to say much more than that. It's not just that we must get to a point in our character development whereby we can forsake immediate pleasure for longer-term benefit. Even the most character-disordered folks can do that when they have a self-serving purpose to do so. Rather, it's that our primary allegiance to the pleasure principle itself must be replaced with a reverence for and commitment to advance the cause of life itself. I'm not advocating that we abandon the pleasure principle, just that we remove it from the position of primacy it's had since the day we were born and give it a back seat to the cause of life. This is momentous, voluntary, and life-changing re-birthing in spirit. Your Buddhist friend has a good point. The highs are just as challenging to the soul as are the lows. One who is focused on "being" as opposed to "craving" lives on a very different plane. : ) Hi, Ellie. Certainly the ability to delay gratification is part of it (and in my experience those who have a problem with this are much more addiction prone), but I’m trying to say much more than that. It’s not just that we must get to a point in our character development whereby we can forsake immediate pleasure for longer-term benefit. Even the most character-disordered folks can do that when they have a self-serving purpose to do so. Rather, it’s that our primary allegiance to the pleasure principle itself must be replaced with a reverence for and commitment to advance the cause of life itself. I’m not advocating that we abandon the pleasure principle, just that we remove it from the position of primacy it’s had since the day we were born and give it a back seat to the cause of life. This is momentous, voluntary, and life-changing re-birthing in spirit. Your Buddhist friend has a good point. The highs are just as challenging to the soul as are the lows. One who is focused on “being” as opposed to “craving” lives on a very different plane. : )

]]> By: Ellie http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/11/17/the-ten-commandments-of-character-development-number-five/comment-page-1/#comment-51425 Ellie Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:07:04 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1944#comment-51425 Hello Dr Simon... does the chasing of pleasure include things such as addictions? Am being curious, as sometimes I do things that I know aren't good for me...e.g drink too much red wine. When talking about thriving do you mean being able to step back and look at what is actually good for you in the long term, which will make you feel better? Am curious as well as recently I was speaking to a friend of mine that meditates a lot (she's a buddhist) and who explained to me that doing that takes the highs and the lows away, but it makes her feel good overall. However, when she explained this to someone who expressed an interest in meditation they were no longer interested as they didn't want to lose the highs. Is it better to lose the highs? Sorry, may be rambling a bit but this is something I'm interested in, I guess it fits into delayed gratification as well... I've always been poor at that. Hello Dr Simon… does the chasing of pleasure include things such as addictions? Am being curious, as sometimes I do things that I know aren’t good for me…e.g drink too much red wine.

When talking about thriving do you mean being able to step back and look at what is actually good for you in the long term, which will make you feel better?

Am curious as well as recently I was speaking to a friend of mine that meditates a lot (she’s a buddhist) and who explained to me that doing that takes the highs and the lows away, but it makes her feel good overall. However, when she explained this to someone who expressed an interest in meditation they were no longer interested as they didn’t want to lose the highs. Is it better to lose the highs?

Sorry, may be rambling a bit but this is something I’m interested in, I guess it fits into delayed gratification as well… I’ve always been poor at that.

]]>