http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/10/20/character-development-commandments-impact/ Looking at life through the prism of psychology, philosophy, mental health and more. Originally created by counsellor, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr Greg Mulhauser, this blog is now the work of an international team of contributors. Mon, 13 Feb 2012 12:49:10 +0000 hourly 1 http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/10/20/character-development-commandments-impact/#comment-51242 John Van Heusen Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:46:59 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1913#comment-51242 I’m looking forward to your new book and future posts. Right now my wife and I are left with more haunting questions than answers regarding what causes disturbance in character and we are hopeful that we can gain some knowledge that will give us some answers. Our 30 year old daughter displays most of the dysfunctional thinking you describe in your first book and previous posts. Naturally our first response to how she turned out is that it is our fault. It appears that some how in spite of what we believed to be our best efforts she turned out this way. We always felt that what we did was more important than what we said and tried to teach by the example of how we fulfilled our responsibilities and treated others. That’s not to say she wasn’t talked to and given guidance. She was. I remember countless hours of conversation with her trying to explain in my own words the message you are conveying in this post. Feeling that we failed at something so important with such terrible consequences is perhaps the toughest thing we have ever had to face. Still that is all about us and water over the dam at this point. Our more pressing concern is her 5 year old son that she abandoned. We would like to make a contribution to his future to try and assure that he is not afflicted with this problem. In the wake of what has happened it appears to us right now that raising healthy children is a very narrow passage. Still we wonder how so many people we know with such difficult stories of their own to tell turned out to be people of such sound character. Our parents, ourselves and many of our friends were neglected on so many levels as children and yet navigated these hardships to learn what was required in an almost complete absence of guidance. In retrospect it does appear that the culture sometimes harshly taught us what we needed to know by forcing us to pay the consequences of our decisions. It is a burdening puzzle my wife and I are left with. I’m looking forward to your new book and future posts. Right now my wife and I are left with more haunting questions than answers regarding what causes disturbance in character and we are hopeful that we can gain some knowledge that will give us some answers. Our 30 year old daughter displays most of the dysfunctional thinking you describe in your first book and previous posts. Naturally our first response to how she turned out is that it is our fault. It appears that some how in spite of what we believed to be our best efforts she turned out this way. We always felt that what we did was more important than what we said and tried to teach by the example of how we fulfilled our responsibilities and treated others. That’s not to say she wasn’t talked to and given guidance. She was. I remember countless hours of conversation with her trying to explain in my own words the message you are conveying in this post. Feeling that we failed at something so important with such terrible consequences is perhaps the toughest thing we have ever had to face. Still that is all about us and water over the dam at this point. Our more pressing concern is her 5 year old son that she abandoned. We would like to make a contribution to his future to try and assure that he is not afflicted with this problem. In the wake of what has happened it appears to us right now that raising healthy children is a very narrow passage. Still we wonder how so many people we know with such difficult stories of their own to tell turned out to be people of such sound character. Our parents, ourselves and many of our friends were neglected on so many levels as children and yet navigated these hardships to learn what was required in an almost complete absence of guidance. In retrospect it does appear that the culture sometimes harshly taught us what we needed to know by forcing us to pay the consequences of our decisions. It is a burdening puzzle my wife and I are left with.

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