Disturbances of Character: The Most Pressing Issue of Our Age?
The most pressing socio-cultural issue of our time is not poverty, injustice, or brain biochemical imbalances. It’s character.
Almost 15 years ago, I wrote my first book In Sheep’s Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People [Amazon-US | Amazon-UK]. I was prompted to write it because I had encountered so many instances of what I would later call “covert-aggression,” counseled so many people involved in exploitative, manipulative, and abusive relationships, and found the traditional ways I’d been taught to help people so ineffective, that I was sure there would be a market for a book that took a new, radical approach. Time has more than validated my assumption. But In Sheep’s Clothing did not go far enough in exposing and explaining what has become the most pressing psychological issue of our time — character disturbance. So, a few years ago I began writing a more comprehensive work on the subject. Although medical issues, a hectic schedule, and other factors have delayed the completion of the project, Disturbances of Character will soon be in wide release.
In an upcoming series of articles, I plan to give readers a sort of “sneak peek” into Disturbances of Character and to discuss the most important reasons why I believe the book is so necessary and timely. The most important reason I felt compelled to write such a book is because I am not only convinced of but also deeply concerned about the seriousness of the character crisis facing most western societies. To quote from the introduction of my new book:
Today there are many types of professionals spanning a wide variety of disciplines that deal with mental health issues and personal problems of one variety or another. Most of these professionals have never encountered — let alone treated — a case of hysterical blindness, pseudo-paralysis, or any similar phenomenon. In fact, it’s becoming increasingly rare for professionals to encounter a case of “neurosis” that is truly at a highly pathological level of intensity. Therapists rarely deal with problems that stem from a conscience so overactive or oppressive that it causes a person to develop bizarre and debilitating psychosomatic or other pathological symptoms. Instead, mental health clinicians in all disciplines increasingly find themselves intervening with individuals whose problems are related to their dysfunctional attitudes and thinking patterns, their shallow, self-centered relationships, their social immaturity and irresponsibility, and their habitual, dysfunctional behavior patterns, all of which stem from an underdeveloped conscience and reflect significant deficiencies of character.
Traditional therapy has always been geared toward the amelioration of neurosis. And the majority of self-help psychology books over the years have been written by, for, and about neurotics. But to quote again from the book:
Highly pathological levels of neurosis…have all but completely disappeared, especially in industrialized free societies. Instead of modern culture being dominated by individuals who are overly riddled with guilt and shame (i.e. “hung-up” as children of the 60’s used to say), Western culture has produced increasing numbers of individuals who aren’t “hung-up” enough about the things they let themselves do. So, today we are facing a near epidemic of what some theorists refer to as character disturbance. Neurosis is still with us, but for the most part at functional as opposed to pathological levels. That is, most today experience just enough apprehension and internal turmoil when it comes to simply acting on their primal urges that they don’t in fact “just do it.” Instead, they experience just enough anticipatory guilt or shame that they restrain their impulses and conform their conduct to more socially acceptable standards. So, one can say that their neurosis is functional. It’s largely what makes society work.
Because neurosis is still with us, and because the overly conscientious folks among us can still become quite weary carrying their burdens of responsibility, traditional therapy has a place and can provide very much needed support. But disturbances of character are an increasing problem, and traditional helping methods are nearly useless in dealing effectively with them.
The next several posts will take a serious and in-depth look at the phenomenon of character disturbance and the social and cultural reasons for its increasing prevalence. I won’t focus so much on why traditional assumptions and interventions don’t help with the problem as I will call attention to innovative new approaches that can really help us understand and deal more effectively with it.
My main purpose in writing the series is to do my part in stemming what I believe to be the most insidious and disturbing of all the recent socio-cultural “megatrends.” That trend is the increasing burdening (through laws, regulations, taxes, and other social sanctions) of those who are already carrying the burden of responsibility quite faithfully while exculpating and, most especially, enabling those who are not behaving responsibly to be even more irresponsible. Eventually, if we raise the requirements and costs of responsible behavior high enough, even good people will stop being responsible. And if we make the cost of misbehavior almost negligible, or even “reward” it, then we take away any incentive for irresponsible people to change. This is elementary behavioral science.
We can’t solve our problems without first recognizing and acknowledging what they are. Our main societal problem is not that we don’t have enough rules (we have millions) but that there are those among us who simply won’t play by them. Although they are legitimate concerns, the most pressing socio-cultural issue of our time is not poverty, injustice, or brain biochemical imbalances. It’s character. It’s the 800-pound gorilla in the room. And it’s been too long ignored. It can be addressed, but first we must acknowledge its presence. One only has to pay attention to the daily headlines — from Wall Street connivers who scammed millions, to the brutes who bludgeoned an honor student to death with a railroad tie while many looked on and some took pictures that ended up on YouTube — to recognize the seriousness of an issue whose time to reckon with has surely come.
I hope you’ll join me in a robust discussion of what I consider the pressing issue of our age.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Thursday, 1st October 2009.
The URL of this page is:
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/10/01/disturbances-of-character-book/
2nd October 2009
Working in an inpatient setting with latency age and adolescent youth with mental illness, I would like to hear about group work you feel could help these youth develop stronger self-identities and character traits. I’d welcome group tasks and lessons you’d feel are appropriate to this population. Your book seems geared toward individual interventions but I feel in a group, many behaviors can be observed in others as a catalyst to see it in themselves. ????
2nd October 2009
Thanks so much for your comment, Robert. The principles I advocate have been used to structure many different group interventions in inpatient and outpatient intensive programs. Keep abreast of the series. I’ll do my best to include some examples of group-based interventions toward the end of the series.
2nd October 2009
Thank God for the work you are doing. Keep it up. My family has been devastated by the behavior of a character disordered person. The wreckage she has left behind and continues to perpetuate is consuming time, money and emotional energy for those of us trying to live by social standards that it is becoming hard to even measure with no end in sight. Perhaps the most frustrating part of this is the denial on the part of the mental health and legal community. Over the past year I have found it difficult to find help or even get anyone to agree this problem exists. I have found through my experience that what you have to say is true. Not only about the nature of these peoples character, but also about the unwillingness of mental health experts to rethink their approach. Reading your writings has helped me immensely in understanding and dealing with this problem on a personal level but I have been met with constant resistance in mental health and reluctance in the family courts. I recently had to tolerate from a mental health worker the comment that they feel sorry for our character disordered person. I’m sorry but all my pity is reserved for the victims of this person. She has swindled us out of thousands of dollars and left thousands more behind in bad debts. She left her young husband in bankruptcy court and dozens of good people emotionally devastated. Her crowning achievement was the abandonment of her four year old son. We are left to explain to a child why and where his mommy is gone and will have to continue to deal with this through out this child’s development for years to come if he is to become a well adjusted man. This woman is allowed by the courts two long distance phone calls a week to this little boy even after she fails to pay any support for his welfare. Because of her character (or lack of it) the nature of her calls is all about her and only upsets the boy and keeps his wounds open. After all this a professional’s advice is to feel sorry for the perpetrator of such destruction. What is wrong with this picture? Over the past year my wife and I have searched the mental health community for help in an attempt to do the right thing but to date because of their out dated and mistaken perspective it has proved to be of minimal help. We have only found help in the ideas you and the few others that seem to understand the nature of the problem for what it is. I feel our cultures tradition has strived to be one of fair play and to set an example of human rights for the world. Our courts claim innocent until proven guilty and so on. These ideals are to be proud of and protected but I fear we have run a muck in our over reluctance to label a destructive person as just that and deal with it from there.
2nd October 2009
Thank you so much, John. And your comments are right on the mark. I hope you enjoy the upcoming series.
2nd October 2009
Is there a tentative publication date? I need to read this book!
2nd October 2009
It will be available direct from the publisher on Nov 23. It will be available through the major online booksellers Dec. 18.
6th October 2009
Dr. Simon,
I could not agree with you more that this is THE most pressing issue of our age. The losses mount like a pyramid scheme as the disordered person affects humanity in both financial terms and in terms of human potential.
That is why I am sharing this link from the washington post.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/opinions/pundit-contest/index.html
They are looking for a weekly columnist and I can’t think of a more important topic to place in front of the american public on a weekly basis. I hope this interests you.
17th October 2009
Manipulative people exist simple because they can and we seem conditioned to accept them if it comes with aggressive intent.
Objective confrontation is so much more difficult.
I find it hard to treat them and still retain some profesional integrity,I admit it and it takes me all my time to allow that water to wash over me.
But it is a human trait that I most dislike.
Talking of which I was just in Sinpapore for a week and found the people calm and generous so unlike their cousins in Hong Kong,I hope I am not opening myself up to all sorts of abuse saying this but”patience” here in HK have gone out the window.
I find it especially so with Hong Kong taxi drivers,they must be their own worse enemy, all that self imposed stress for a few dollars more.
Here is a question for you ( and an assumption)if its obligatory to vote by law in a democracy is it still a democracy.
lee du ploy (hong kong)
17th October 2009
Hi Lee,
You wrote… “if its obligatory to vote by law in a democracy is it still a democracy.”
That’s what happens in my country, so I choose not to vote. To me is not a democracy, no matter what they say. We are supposed to live within a democratic political system and yet, voting is mandatory…
It doesn’t make any sense to me, so I don’t vote and I pay my fine for not voting on political elections. But, I’m not sure all countries that face the same problem we do here have the option not to vote and pay a fine instead. Still, the whole fine thing is absolutely unfair. It’s like a big joke, and shows a lot of hypocrisy to me, too. It’s like a form of “political abuse” some cultures have to endure. And there’s no “punishment” for that.
This is why it is so important to place ourselves in other people’s shoes. Not all rules apply world-wide to everyone.
17th October 2009
Lee, I think the point you make is why so many helping professionals working with disordered characters prefer to live in a world of denial, mis-frame their clients’ behaviors, try to make neurosis metaphors and techniques work despite their inappropriateness, and then simply write off their clients as untreatable when all that fails.
Mental health professionals want to work with fears and insecurities. That’s what they were trained to do. Besides, t’s so much easier (and rewarding) to support than to confront and correct. Too bad 99% of human behavior is fighting and only 1% is “running.” Confronting someone who fights unscrupulously and benignly guiding them in a more character-rich direction requires a therapist to be of an entirely different frame of mind, to be tolerant beyond measure, be fearless and unabashedly honest in confrontation, and be well-versed in the tools of the art.
1st November 2009
Hello Dr. Simon,
It’s the first time I’m reading your work and I must say I am happy to have found your website. I have recognized myself as a neurotic and the man I’m dating as a disturbed character, unfortunately. Ever since I started knowing him better I felt and then realized something wasn’t quite right. But, as I hadn’t been in a similar situation before and him being a very smart person, it was hard for me to see clearly. Now after reading your postings I have finally understood what the source of trouble was – his irresponsible, narcissistic, hedonistic self – an expression of his underdeveloped character. I was just wondering what the treatment is if any? I’ve read here that such people (I think they are categorized as Cluster B) don’t usually change.
2nd November 2009
Hi, Jane. There are treatments available. Naturally, making personality changes is always challenging because by definition personality is a cluster of relatively ingrained and enduring traits and patterns. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be modified. But traditional forms of counseling are fairly useless. The “metaphors” upon which traditional approaches are based and the techniques used are inadequate to address the problems of the deficient character. Besides that, there has to be at least some degree of internal distress in the disturbed character if he or she is to remain motivated through treatment. My upcoming book “Disturbances of Character” will include some vignettes of the radical therapeutic approach required for dealing with character issues.
17th November 2009
Thank you for your answer, Dr. Simon.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the issue I was writing you about. I’ve given up on the relationship although something tells me I could have made it work had I dedicated myself to it entirely. Although I was reading another post of yours in which you were saying that it’s vane to think one can change another person that deeply. I’ve also come to realize it can be dangerous and disrespectful. Unless the person comes and asks for help and in that case you should indicate a professional. It’s a shame because I do see the nice qualities my ex has. However, I’ve come to realize that the only thing I can do is hope that life will run its course and he will improve on his own.
Thanks again.
18th November 2009
You’re welcome, Jane. And I really like your comment about it being ultimately dangerous and disrespectful to chase after a person who is not really asking for change. Not only do people in abusive relationships make this mistake, but helping professionals are guilty of it, too.
A social worker friend of mine told this joke at a regional conference: “Two social workers were walking along a New York street when a purse snatcher whisked by and snatched their purses right out of their hands. They gave chase, shouting loudly to passers by: ‘Stop that man! Stop that man! He’s obviously troubled and in dire need of our help’!”
It wouldn’t be so funny if there weren’t a kernel of truth in it. : )
30th January 2010
Dr. Simon, hello again…
I want to start by saying that I’m not proud of returning to post a comment here. But I can’t seem to be able to shake off that relationship I was telling you about. I’ve been trying to keep away but all efforts have been useless as my ex contacted me trying to get back together and although I have denied seeing him I do respond to emails and I do answer his phone calls. I just feel responsible in some way to warn him about his condition and maybe this will trigger something and push him in the direction of seeking professional help. I have found myself reading a lot about it online… I have even started to think I might not be all that different! (I’ve stumbled over a book called “Malignant Self-love” which describes women who fall in love with narcissistic men as “inverted narcissists”… which I have to admit does seem to explain the strange “we’re meant to be together” feeling I’ve had since the beginning of this relationship despite all the red flags…) That has really thrown me off for a loop… So now I have no idea what to do. On the one hand it is definitely over. On the other hand, I want to at least give him some clues so that maybe he’ll do something about it eventually.
Do you think it’s a decent idea to make him visit websites on this topic? Could that have any sort of positive impact??
Thanks again for reading my posts and for being kind enough to answer them.
3rd February 2010
Hi, Jane. Sorry to be just responding. You do yourself a great service by remaining civil while enforcing limits. You would do yourself a great disservice by taking any burden whatsoever that is the rightful duty of your ex to get his act together. In an earlier part of the series on character disturbance, I contrasted the huge difference in characteristics as well as therapy needs between individuals best described as “neurotic” to some degree and those struggling with character disturbance. You might find that particular part of the series helpful.
6th February 2010
Dr. Simon,
Thank you for your answer and suggestions. I will read through your website. For the time being I seem to have managed to stay away, although I’m not sure the way I did it was the best way (I pretty much told him what I thought as decently as I could. I can only hope it’ll do him more good than harm supposing he can take it constructively. I’m still fighting my conscience (who am I to judge after all), but I did the best I could under the circumstances. The whole experience taught me a lot, yet it has left a bitter taste in my mouth that I just have to live with.
Dr. Simon, all the best to you and your readers.