Comments on: Is This the Age of Irresponsibility?

By: Patti Herndon

Patti Herndon — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 04:46:47 +0000

Emily,

I want to congratulate you for your strides in self-differentiation on toward that of increased personal growth. I encourage you to consider yourself as becoming increasingly successful in negotiating the challenges you have been journeying through, rather than holding yourself as a “self-indulgent bum”. People make unhealthy choices. People always have…always will. And, it is not so simple as defining societal ills as a lack of “character” or “character disorder”.
There are many biophyschosocial factors that must be objectively considered and thoroughly studied if the motive is to advance our learning about the truths pertaining to negative behavior and “bad” judgment. I think you would appreciate some of the literature based in Neuroscience regarding the subject of behavior and decision making. The field of neuroscience is making huge advances that add clarity to the subjects of behavioral and social sciences. Read everything you can get your hands on, Emily. It’s important to diversify your reading so that you are taking in a spectrum of opinions, views, and studies in order to have the best shot at understanding the realities on the subject of “character”. I wish you continued progress in your journey!

By: Dr George Simon, PhD

Dr George Simon, PhD — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 13:16:03 +0000

Thanks for the comments, Skylar. In my first book, I briefly addressed the factors that promote such a malignant narcissism. I give it much more attention in my upcoming book. Basically, there are two factors that lead people to all to impressed with themselves (which in turn leads to a myriad of other problems). First, there’s the failure to genuinely recognize a “higher power” or creative force at work in the universe (this does NOT necessarily have to be rooted in a traditional recognition of “God”). Second, there’s the tendency of individuals as well as society (even parents) to heap praise and recognition on people for their talents, gifts, looks, etc. as opposed to what good they do in the world with the gifts they’ve been given and how they conduct themselves. It’s not so much that people aren’t aware of or are “disconnected” from consequences. It’s that they’re either convinced of their power to be impervious to “the rules” or they’re determined to have what they want despite the possible consequences. And, the more they appear to get away with things, the more their heads get further bent out of shape.

By: skylar

skylar — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 03:22:43 +0000

Wonderful article and wonderful comments from the readers. Thank you.
I’ve been thinking about irresponsibility, how it relates to narcissism and the fall of the roman empire as well as our own. This problem, of narcissism, seems to be a result of a disconnection from reality. The reality of consequences. Then it occurred to me that wealth has created that disconnect. Our society and the Roman empire have this in common. We have technology to disconnect us from physical requirements and the Romans had slaves. I compare this to a child growing up wearing a rubber suit, so he never learns to equate action with painful consequences. You may be able to later teach him to respect reality, but if he didn’t learn it as a child it won’t be an automatic response. Suddenly, I was struck by an understanding of why Quakers choose to live how they do. They choose to live in close connection with the realities of the laws of nature, so that it doesn’t sneak up and bite them later. I believe the indigenous people of North and South America may have had the same idea, but it got lost in the translation.

By: Dr George Simon, PhD

Dr George Simon, PhD — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:50:25 +0000

“Amen.”

By: Diana

Diana — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:26:58 +0000

Dr. Simon,
Thank you for your comment. You are so correct in your comment. Jesus’ words are so ignored for traditions of men, which he himself condemned. The commandment to love was utmost and he said NOTHING that had not already been said in the Torah. In fact he said he was the Torah made flesh. He said he came that we might have LIFE and have it more ABUNDANTLY. If the church and its leaders were doing their jobs, and walking the path he told them to walk, which was to follow his example, our world would look quite different. Unfortunately, the leadership rather enjoys the fruits of their hypocrisy today and have fallen into the very trap that Jesus rebuked the religious leaders of his time about. Thus according to Paul, crucifying Jesus anew. I do not purport to being a Christian, I converted to another faith due to the abuse I encountered growing up. However, I read my Bible over and over for years and discovered a very dear and honest philosophy of life through the life and teaching of Jesus. I never rejected that, only the package it came in, i.e. the church. I do not wish to offend true followers of Jesus with my words, those folks I truly respect. I must say in over 20 years of going to church, I saw very few of them. The ones who were sincere believers I greatly respect to this day and value their lives. I truly appreciate anyone who is working to make this world a better place. May those who are be blessed with more strength each day and more peace.

By: Diana

Diana — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 12:08:44 +0000

Mariana,
I hear you. I have struggled with having any contact with them for years.
Its a long story and I won’t go into it but I decided that there is just no way given the circumstances that I can continue relationships there. I’ve accepted it and I am focusing on myself, my daughter and my grandson’s future endeavors. We have a plan to create something better that is community centered and cooperatively based. Family can be created through recognition of others that wish to live in harmony with one another and share like minded values. We applaud diversity but realize that there must be commonly shared values in order to establish a foundation for relationship. I admire your having contact with your *family*. Each person’s situation is so different that the individual has to come to terms with what they can deal with and want to deal with and what they simply cannot tolerate. I finally decided that nothing I did was ever going to matter and that in fact the more time out they had, the better they behaved but that if I got back into the mix they quickly reverted back to old patterns. Frankly, I cannot handle the negativity that reeks out of them. They are just toxic and I am detoxing. It took a lot of years and several different experiences for me to reach this point of severing the b/c of the guilt that is instilled with the control games they used. I totally believe that part of taking responsibility for oneself is letting go of responsibility for others. Ideally we should all be in this together and should be assisting each other’s journey. This thread is a sort of way to do that.
Thank you Dr. Simon and Marianna for being part of that assistance!

By: Dr George Simon, PhD

Dr George Simon, PhD — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:00:53 +0000

Okay, I’ll take a big risk here and probably offend every “religious” subscriber to the blog. The only “fundamental” command of Christ himself was that we all “love one another” as he loved and to DEMONSTRATE with our behavior a level of righteousness in our conduct that goes far beyond what we “preach” or the various religious “rituals” we practice. It was precisely his open rebuke of those who peached one thing and did another and placed their religious practices above common compassion that led some to want him killed. I know I fall far short in my efforts, but I think I know what he meant.

Unfortunately, I’ve also known many individuals – ministers and purported true believers and followers alike – who appear to have forgotten the most “fundamental” aspect of their faith and who, limiting the intent of the second commandment to a prohibition on cursing, use the Lord’s name quite vainly and very frequently to advance their self-serving agendas. Shame on them.

By: Mariana

Mariana — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:57:14 +0000

Hi Diana,

I so much understand what you are saying. Similar story here. Problem is when we had to be our parents’ parent all our life, and they never grew up, it’s hard to accept it and let go of the idea they will ever change or realize what they’ve done; let alone apologize or say something about it.

So, they sort of get away with it. What I did about was to place them on the list of the things I cannot control and limit the assistance I give them. I care about them, but I don’t let their issues become the focus of my whole attention. It’s about setting limits and making each person responsible for what they choose to do.

By: Diana

Diana — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:45:19 +0000

One more thing, my DEAR family are all fundamentalist Christians. Mom and Dad are preacher’s kids and dad is a minister of God. You want to talk about irresponsible people? You cannot even imagine the finger pointing and blaming I was around growing up. I remember from the time I was around 9 just wanting to run away. I used to pray for another family, etc. Sheer insanity. Two totally big babies who did not want to earn the toys they bought and played with. They thought that somehow everyone else owed it to them to give them money b/c they were doing God’s work. More preacher’s children should wake up and talk about this, its something that few people ever hear about. Want to know why preacher’s kids are so rotten? Well, its pretty easy to figure out. They have rotten parents.

By: Diana

Diana — Sun, 23 Aug 2009 14:39:43 +0000

What a fantastic thread. I am one of those all too tired folks that has been fed up for a long time now and has wanted to do something but found that everyone around becomes totally silent when I speak out about what is wrong in our society. They are all afraid or self absorbed.
I am the eldest child of four. My parents were a mere 20 years old when I was born. They NEVER grew up. They have scapegoated their entire life. They left me to raise the other kids while they played and fought, like little children. I am angry at 52 b/c I have had absolutely NO support my entire life. I was the most successful in the family b/c I worked for it.
I married a self indulgent narcissist and he climbed his way to the top in a government job on my shoulders, you know the ones that hold the world’s weight? I was beat down emotionally by them all in order to continue to use me. After 23 years I divorced and my family picked up using me where he left off. Long story short, when I finally opened my eyes I saw evil all around me. My own son who I thought I had inoculated from this has gone over to their side. I hope everyone responsible pulls it together enough to send a very strong message that we are awake and we are not going to take on their load anymore.
I have been eliminating these energy vampires out of my life one by one. I am thankful that my daughter is waking up and listening to me and learning that her choices have created a heavier burden that is not mine but hers to carry. I think that we have just had our hands full trying to balance things and keep this world together and we *thought* mistakenly that if we stopped the world might end. Well, the world as we have known it NEEDS to end. We need a break and those lazy self indulgent takers need to come on board and become responsible or they need to be taken out and shot. Sorry but I’m so done with this nonsense. Thanks for standing up and saying something that needed said. I’m sick of politically correct, what a bunch of BS. Judgment is a term that got hijacked. There is nothing wrong with judging in the arena of discernment and fairness. What people do that they call judgment is correctly termed projection, is that not so? I say that those who think the Bible is a good place to learn wisdom need understand that we are living in the Judgment period and if you aren’t judging yourself and your life then it will be judged for you!
Lots of well wishes to you sweet folks out there that are tired and angry!
Thanks for sharing the burden, now lets kick some you know what!