Is Lying the Root of All Evil?
Sometimes, people truly don’t know what they’re doing when they engage in behaviors that are harmful to themselves or others. But other times, they know full well what they are doing and simply lie about it.
I’ve counseled many individuals over the years. They were of various backgrounds and presented a wide variety of problems and circumstances that needed to be addressed in therapy. Necessarily, I’ve had to come into contact with some of those horrifying realities of life that others have often described as “evil.” Whether it was severe abuse or neglect, issues of betrayal or abandonment, or the unbelievably disastrous events people unfortunately had to witness or encounter themselves, there was certainly no shortage of “evil” in the lives of many who sought my counsel.
For much of my time as a therapist, I have dealt with individuals who either had much character-development work to do, or had been victimized in some way by a person of deeply flawed character. Along the way, it became increasingly evident to me that there was a common factor involved in the problems people experienced as the result of character disturbance. That common factor was lying. And not just any kind of lying. More specifically, it was the lying to oneself and to others about the true nature of one’s intentions and actions that seemed to be the culprit. And I’m not talking about “denial” here either. Rather, I’m talking about the deliberate casting of a false impression so as to maintain favorable appearances while doing unconscionable things.
I can’t count the number of times that divorcing partners falsely represented their desire to inflict pain and punishment on one another as a sincere concern for the welfare of their children. There have also been many instances in which a person cloaked their desire to wield dominance and control under the guise of loving someone too much. Human beings have an incredible capacity to deceive, and it is said that the Devil himself is the father of all lies. In my experience, no one has either truly desired “help” or been amenable to it unless they have come to a point of honest self-reckoning. And most of the time, the truth is not pretty.
Sometimes, people truly don’t know what they’re doing when they engage in behaviors that are harmful to themselves or others. But other times, they know full well what they are doing and simply lie about it. Of all the “evils” I have encountered in my work over the years, this kind of lying appears the granddaddy. At a primal level, we are all animals with very basic desires, instincts, urges and raw emotions. And these primal characteristics of ours are not inherently “evil,” either. They’re a part of who we are. But because we are more than mere animals, we’re capable of functioning on a much higher plane. But before we can elevate ourselves to that plane, we must first “own” and then reckon with our baser inclinations. Of course, this is neither appealing nor easy. In my first book, In Sheep’s Clothing [Amazon-US | Amazon-UK], I proposed that deliberately taking on the burden of self-reckoning is a “cross” we’re all called to carry if we’re to fashion a better world. In my upcoming book Disturbances of Character, I explore this whole notion and what it takes in the way of character development to willingly carry such a cross in much greater detail.
There is another saying that the truth shall make you free. In my experience as a therapist dealing largely with the characterological messes people can make of themselves, reckoning with the truth is also the way to make a person well. For that reason, I have always resisted the constant temptation to be merely well-liked and frequently visited by my clients, even though in my business maintaining a heavy case load and having clients talk favorably about you are the prime barometers by which my peers and others gauge professional competence and stature. Instead, I have been much more mindful to be as benignly honest as possible when giving feedback to my clients, especially when it comes to the nature of the problems they’re experiencing. I’m not so vain to think I have a corner on the truth nor so naive that I think the truth is absolute. But at some level you know when the feedback you give is relatively free of your own psychological baggage, is given as honestly as is humanly possible, and is delivered in such a manner as not to cause unnecessary pain. Sometimes, the feedback is not rosy and the client is not of a frame of mind to receive it. I’ve learned to accept that. But I can’t count the number of times such a client has re-appeared years later, not only receptive, but hungry for therapeutic work. And most of the time they don’t hesitate to admit that the reason they came back to me as opposed to others they might have encountered along the way was because my willingness to be honest and to speak the ugly names of their demons suggested to them that I could not be manipulated and that they could trust me to help guide them through the challenging and difficult work ahead.
There was a book out not too long ago about the people of the lie. I found it to have a fair degree of merit but also to be largely over-dramatic and bordering on untruthful with regard to the nature of and amelioration of the “evil” situations portrayed. But I have no doubts about the capacity of the lie to invite true evil into the lives of individuals. And I believe in the power on honest self-reckoning. When the truth is alive in the therapy room, more is at work than either the confessions of my client or my attempt at conscientious guidance. For many years, the truth has helped both my clients and myself to be set free and made well.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Monday, 6th July 2009. You can leave a reply below.
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7th July 2009
Before I found or discoverd the name of the Demon I was dealing with , The idea of possession had already occured to me! Evil is ALIVE and WELL ! It may not be popular to diagnose but the behaviors are undeniable!
My own experience with evil almost cost me my Life! My own Faith challenged. See , I was brought up in the Episcapal Church. So I Believe the Bible is the Truth about our relationship as people with THE Creator of the World , GOD! And the Bible teaches us how are relationships with our fellow man should be.
Just so other readers know I’m not fundementalist ! I am Gay and a Christian. I know =) not your typical coin.
My point was that at some point in a relationship , when the other person is a danger to you! Your relationship has changed into COMBAT. And unless you are willing to die to prove your point, what ever you think your point is ? ( That you Love this person trying to harm you?)It is time to get away from this person! Period!
I Loved someone who was not capable of loving me back! Oh!, He can say the words but the words are ALL LIES intended to lure me to give him another chance after many many many failures before!
As much as I wanted to help, no mater how much I cared , The end result was always the same ! USE
The opposite of LOVE is not hate! it is Use
The Psycopath/Sociopath in my life is gone ! Thank God! but the damage is done. God grant me the wisdom to know the difference between Good and evil!
PS Thanks DR. for your reply to my Question ! Time, Selfworth, Learning from our mistakes , Why do I always have to learn the hard way ? =) Jere
17th July 2009
Im sure the challenge of providing therapy which is as unbiased as possible is the ultimate goal and achievement, even if and when it isn’t received. The task for the one being treated is to change thinking to adopt, assimilate the truth so they can become free. The thinking habits ingrained in me are forever trying to work against truth, but the truth having been accepted will help bring about lasting change in my thinking. And it has been. I don’t personally like finding deception in myself. I don’t like finding Blind Spots, where maladjustment or underdevelopment has had root. But when I come accross something in me that prevents progress it comes up as an error message-Brick Wall. I have to examine and resolve to change. I feel so much better when moving forward in my own character growth.
Being able to recognize character as being truthful or deceitful continues to be a challenge for me when dealing with people at the work level or on a personal level. I have to keep in my mind the fact that there are disturbed characters I will encounter, or people who are simply not well-adjusted for whatever reason.
I’ve all but given up on dating for this reason for now. Evidently I can’t handle or accept any deceit and there is a lot of that to go around. The brick walls are numerous when it comes to developing interdependent friendships. Forget that. Why, I don’t know. Should I scale down my expectations? I don’t think so.
20th July 2009
I like a quote by Albert Einstein that says, ‘If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.’ Yes, the truth may not be always rosy and people may not be always ready to hear it.
To me, it’s like holding a mirror when not everyone is willing to see what’s reflected in it. Sometimes it takes a lot of tact and diplomacy to tell when it’s the right time to tell the truth or if it’s better to wait until later, but maybe “later” is not the advisable option.
And the other aspect it’s important to consider is to tell the truth in the most objective and emotion-less fashion. Sometimes, in our honest desire to help others we become too excited and too strict or intense in expressing the truth, and may appear before others as “pushy” or even as a narrow minded person who does not accept another viewpoint, when this is not so.
I used to believe “evil” was rooted in frustration, like anger, but it’s not always the case. To me, it will remain a mystery why some people “are” evil and other people “choose” to be evil.
20th July 2009
Great comment, Mariana.
I also used to believe that all “evil” was rooted in the frustration of basic human needs and desires. That belief stemmed from the never-demonstrated but long-assumed tenets of many classical psychology theories that view all human beings as essentially the same (theorists as diverse as Freud to the founding fathers of “behaviorism” believed this) and would be without any pathology were it not for the experiences that shaped them otherwise.
As I’ve grown as an individual as well as a mental health professional, I’ve become much more comfortable with the notion that their is a grand symphony of individual differences among us. And, it’s not just nature or nurture. It’s both. At some point in all of our lives, we have to not only accept that, but deal with it. We may have some scars from childhood and we may have dysfunctional traits that we come by naturally, but whatever their source, we have to take stock of our characteristics and decide what kind of person we will be.
Being truthful with others about these things is not really the issue. It’s HOW we go about confronting and directing attention to the issues. That’s what the “art” of therapy is all about. Timing, empathy, style, etc. all contribute to how benignly and effectively a therapist might confront. Unfortunately, however, some shy away from confrontation altogether, giving their clients only a vehicle to vent, alleviating their symptoms only, while “enabling” them to remain unchanged.
I find that most people “choose” to do or be evil because it is the easier course. Taking a realistic look at oneself and reckoning not only with your strengths but also your deficiencies of character is not pleasant or particularly attractive business. If a person is in sufficient pain, they might at least be prompted to cry for help. But to actually invest oneself in meaningful change and self-development requires that we submit ourselves to a higher principle or purpose.
21st July 2009
Absolutely agree with you, Dr. Simon. Great article!