I also make the point in my writings that one of the reasons the more subtle tactics of manipulation, control, and abuse work is because people intuitively sense aggression and danger when the abusive party starts doing their thing and this evokes fear, apprehension, and a host of other powerful feelings. Meanwhile, on the surface, there maybe nothing overt going on to allow the person to justify or validate the feelings they’re having, and they end up feeling a bit crazy and confused. I’ll be posting on that later on, too.

Sometimes, this may not be the best advice since -in some cases- people need to take action a.s.a.p., but usually, when they act out of anger, pain, frustration, humilliation, etc. their response is rarely the most convenient for them, and tends to favor the abuser or manipulator, instead.

It’s so natural for those who have been the victims of abuse and exploitation to be angry. In their anger, they sometimes feel like doing even more work while letting their abuser “get away with” doing nothing is anathema.

Anger is such a misunderstood emotion. It’s natures way of prompting us to right a wrong or change a bad situation. It can prompt us to overt hostility or covert actions to inflict injury. It can also prompt us to passive-aggression which is always self-defeating. But it can also be the driving force behind asserting ourselves (fending for our welfare while respecting the rights of others) provided that it’s disciplined and channeled properly.

What I have found is that some individuals have never seemed to know when it’s really appropriate to be angry and to let anger serve it’s most noble purpose. They also don’t seem to know how to translate that anger into empowering assertive action. But they can learn!

If people could only realize how important it is not to let others to have control over their lives, they would allow themselves to live a much better life, disabling (instead of enabling) abusers to have a say in or control over their lives.

Personally, I believe that -in many cases- those who are victims of manipulators need to understand that if they don’t do something to avoid being manipulated by others, those manipulators will not do something to spare the victims the effects of their manipulative actions.

This usually confuses people who think I “put the blame on the victim,” but that is not so. I know it’s not a victim’s fault that there are abusers out there with mental health problems. Those abusers will exist regardless of the presence of the victim.

What I mean is that victims of abusers or manipulators need to understand their responsibility or the role they play in a controlling or abusive relationship. Thus, they can change that pattern of behavior, and put an end to an abuser’s controlling actions.

While it may not be possible to “fix” an abusive relationship in many cases, it will be possible for the victim to prevent future abusive relationships, provided this victim does something to change.

Your empowerment tools are a great resource for victims of manipulators to prevent future controlling relationships. All people need is to become aware they can actually use these tools, and put them into practice, because they DO work.

So simple, so well put, so true! Great post, George!