Wow…
He accused me of calling him a liar and told me and my kids to get out. The next day he apologized and begged me to never give up on him and that he loved me more than he has ever loved anyone.

I tend to see that as a red flag of over reacting and not being able to handle his anger within reasonable boundaries.

Wow…
Anyway we got seperated at the concert, my phone died and I had to borrow a phone afterwards to call him. He flipped out and called me everyname known to man, it’s been 4 weeks and he has been staying with his mom and tells me he doesn’t love me and wants me and my kids to get out.

I would tend to think he thinks it was a deliberate action (getting lost from him)at the concert. And he is done! Whether its wrong or right means nothing because his actions definately state its over.
You should get you and your children out as soon as you can and just move on.

Well It’s been over a few weeks since you wrote this…What’s happening now?

Hope that helps you!

The last episode happened when we went to a concert. On the way to the concert he told me he had never been happier and he had never loved anyone more. Anyway we got seperated at the concert, my phone died and I had to borrow a phone afterwards to call him. He flipped out and called me everyname known to man, it’s been 4 weeks and he has been staying with his mom and tells me he doesn’t love me and wants me and my kids to get out.

He says he is letting the house go into forclusure and he is basically giving away everything he owns and he is blaming me for losing everything when I have contributed my share.

What happened? We were so in love! HELP

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First, thanks for your comments.

With regard to your question regarding the way to go about not accepting bad behavior: You don’t have to broadcast your unwillingness to tolerate misconduct. Often, that’s a manipulative attempt to apply subtle pressure for the other person to change. Change is the individual’s responsibility. Your responsibility is to take care of yourself. So, set your limits and take your own actions quietly but firmly. The “message” you want to send about no longer tolerating misconduct will come through. Actions speak louder than words. : )

Can you give some advise on how to be assertive in not accepting bad behaviour, regardless of the intentions. Do you say “I will not accept porn in this house and if I find you looking at internet porn or any type or form of porn I expect you to leave” (he is a porn addict). Should I tell him to leave or should I leave? Does this statement just leave it open for him to do it secretively (which he does anyway). Should the statement be “I do not accept you taking naked video’s of me and if you do not respect my decesion you must leave/we must separate/I will leave”. We have 3 children and I am so tired of my husband’s verbal abuse and I continue to back down and let him get away with stuff.

I so would like to end it. I feel so little for him but he has made some huge improvements.

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The statement “judging actions instead of intentions” was a huge ah moment for me. My husband is verbally abusive, porn addict, sex addict and continues to secretly take video’s of me naked when I am asleep etc. I get angry when I catch him but he then turns it around and makes out that I not being fair as he is only doing it because he loves my body so much and wants something to look at when I’m not there. It is a long story and all I continue to do is enable him by backing down. I would rather not be with him but we have 3 children together and everytime I have threatened to leave he does start to improve. Been together for 16 years. For the first 14 he was unbearable and I had no voice. Everything was all about him and how unhappy he was because I wasn’t giving him the attention he needs. We had sex 7 to 10 times a week and he would complain all the time that it was not enough. I would just continue to give in just to get a little piece. I woke up one day though and realised he is sexually abusing me and I didn’t want to be with this awful man anymore. I wanted out. That’s when he started to get help because he knew I meant it. I stayed because he did improve, but it is so far from perfect (don’t expect it to be perfect)and I am so angry because it is still all about him and how he has done all the changing and he says when am I going to change.

Thanks for your inlighting words.

It wasn’t until a few years ago when five separate emotionally traumatic experiences happened to me within a six month period, and the Earth shook so hard beneath my feet, I was forced to go within and really get serious about learning what lies beneath the surface, and cleaning out old baggage. I have gained so much understanding, as well as forgiveness and acceptance of myself as a result. None of which I could find prior.