“Empowerment Tools: Act Now, Before It’s Too Late” Comments, Page 1
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I was involved with one of these characters for a little over 3 years. We have a child and he refused to grow up. Your articles helped me unload the dead weight. I still print your articles in case he decides to ever call again, I can better deal with him. Thanks.
I am counting the days to put and end to a relationship with one of this disturbed characters. He thretened me with taking my kids away from me and refuses to move out of my house. Things are kind of tolerable right now b/c we have visitors and he is acting coordially in front of them.I hope this end someday soon. I do print this articles and show them to my visitors, with the hope to plant a seed in their future.
This article is particularly brilliant. Time-outs are exactly what are required. What I don’t understand though, is why anyone would WANT to continue to have any type of relationship with such a person. In the example of the married couple you gave, what is the benefit to her to continue in a marriage with such an unscrupulous, manipulative and disturbed character? Won’t she have to constantly be on guard for his nonsense….forever? Isn’t it healthier to move on once you realize you are dealing with a disturbed character?
Hi Cyndi
I’m sure the good doctor would agree with me that the biggest problem and stumbling block to moving on is having a strategy that works and a plan which protects your future, financially and emotionally.
If you are financially dependant, especially with children, and there is no safety net out there, state, parents, relatives, friends, etc., then the alternative may seem cold, bleak and daunting.
For someone to ‘move on’ they need to either extract themselves in one fell swoop or gradually while the other person fails to notice, and if they do notice before you’ve ‘left home’ then enough collateral elsewhere to make the move without looking back.
The worst part, as has been mentioned elsewhere on this site, is the empty loneliness of having nobody to talk to or interact with and who at least ‘loves you’ part of the time, for what may be a relatively long period, until you sort out your emotions and stand on your feet again as an autonomous, self respecting individual.
I had a aggressive personality in my former workplace, and I came to visualize a sign over his desk reading “Challenge every limit, challenge every right, if people people give an inch, then take a mile”. Literally every day he would be challenging the rights of those around and making endless requests. Its as if a master switch called “Laws of the universe” had been switched off, and all that’s real is what others will tolerate. Thinking about it, in a sense he is right. And I came to see why he did it because sometimes he succeeded, as with junk mail. My take on the respond very quickly advice is that if you don’t, such people will regard the abuse as conquered territory that rightfully belongs to them. It becomes an entitlement in their mind. And as in real war, it then becomes a real battle to reclaim these rights. Responding quickly is great advice.