Comments on: Empowerment Tools: Staying Focused http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/04/22/staying-focused/ Looking at life through the prism of psychology, philosophy, mental health and more. Originally created by counsellor, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr Greg Mulhauser, this blog is now the work of an international team of contributors. Fri, 25 May 2012 16:17:12 +0000 hourly 1 By: Lunna http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/04/22/staying-focused/comment-page-1/#comment-49840 Lunna Sat, 25 Apr 2009 00:28:12 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1585#comment-49840 Staying focused is to me to call the abuse by its name "abuse". I am re-learning to articulate what happened to me and stop excusing the other person(abuser).This series of articles have helped see life diferently and I am very thankful for that. Even if he chooses to act as peaceful as Gandhi or give all the presents in the world, not even by threathening me with taking the kids from me...I wont be controlled by him...not again. Staying focused is to me to call the abuse by its name “abuse”. I am re-learning to articulate what happened to me and stop excusing the other person(abuser).This series of articles have helped see life diferently and I am very thankful for that. Even if he chooses to act as peaceful as Gandhi or give all the presents in the world, not even by threathening me with taking the kids from me…I wont be controlled by him…not again.

]]> By: Mariana http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/04/22/staying-focused/comment-page-1/#comment-49833 Mariana Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:24:22 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=1585#comment-49833 Hello Dr Simon, I was thinking about a specific thing manipulators do to get a person off track, they make some minor changes in order for the other person to "believe" they are changing, when - in fact - they are just pretending they are changing. In emotional abuse, for instance, abusers would give little presents or make minor concessions after an incident of abuse, so that the victim of abuse will believe they are doing things to change their behavior. This usually leads to the 3rd and last stage/phase of the cycle of emotional abuse which is called the "honeymoon" stage. And some skillful manipulators make some minor (but temporary and superficial) changes, which is often wrongly percieved as a sign of a positive change by the victim of abuse. This behavior itself is just another deceitful tactic they use to keep things under their control. Hello Dr Simon,

I was thinking about a specific thing manipulators do to get a person off track, they make some minor changes in order for the other person to “believe” they are changing, when – in fact – they are just pretending they are changing.

In emotional abuse, for instance, abusers would give little presents or make minor concessions after an incident of abuse, so that the victim of abuse will believe they are doing things to change their behavior. This usually leads to the 3rd and last stage/phase of the cycle of emotional abuse which is called the “honeymoon” stage.

And some skillful manipulators make some minor (but temporary and superficial) changes, which is often wrongly percieved as a sign of a positive change by the victim of abuse. This behavior itself is just another deceitful tactic they use to keep things under their control.

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