Thank you for your wonderful contribution to the society. I have been recently an victim of Covert-Aggressive person. I wasnt sure whats happening around and I was confused and lost my individuality.After meeting with therapist, reading books written by Ricahrd Nealson and Dr. Phil Nuerenberger and couple of good articles on the internet all the occupied clouds started to clear. (Labelling is most important step to address the solution). It helped me to know more about myself and others. Though I have witnessed overt-aggressive from my childhood and reacting in the same way myself , puts me in embarassing situation. I always wanted to practice polite and be humble and I ,truly admire those who posses them. I havent had guidance what I was looking from long time. Im fortunate to read your articles and assimilate good things. Im working with therapist to overcome my weakness. I would defintely read your book in couple of months and would see myself as a person I wish to be.
All I need is to practice. Education system all through the world should include Psychology to self-support to handle real life crisis. Next year, Im enrolling to Psychology school and would like to contribute more to the Society.

Thank you,
Vidhya

This may be the understatement of the century. I SO did this for SO many years. Trying to figure out the reasons others’ bad behavior always led me to excuse it. I agree 100% now. Regardless of the reason, if it doesn’t work for me, I don’t accept it. End of story. Another great article, thank you!

We have found it difficult to approach the principal who is very passive-aggressive, and finds the direct approach to be too confronting. He is always trying to get us to see the aggressor as a good person who means well, but is just having a bad day. Added to this, communication is very bad at this school. Emails, phone calls and notes are frequently left unanswered for days, and we have to keep contacting the school to see what they are doing about our requests.

We have interviews which end up making us feel like we are the aggressors because we don’t want to discuss the excuses for the bad behaviour. An interesting side effect of this is that we often get lured into mitigating our own responses, and find ourselves looking for some sort of common ground. What happens then is that we walk out of the principals’ office kicking ourselves because we feel we have compromised. He’s happy because he has managed to get us to back down somewhat, on the other hand, nobody gets labelled a bully.

We are still working on this, but after having read this article, I sent him another email stating our case in no uncertain terms, and what we expect the school to do about it.

We shall see what eventuates!!!

And you’re very correct about the enabling done by “authorities” on bad behavior. Actually, teachers were among my best and most receptive audiences when I was actively doing workshops. For now, I’ve had to limit my trainings, seminars and workshops to limited and larger-scale venues.

=)

PS: Dr. Simon, let us know when it comes out so we can buy it on-line.

Your desire to get your ideas to the nation, gives me have a little more hope. I fear there are many like me who have the need to unlearn what we were taught to be true. Bad behavior will continue if those that are commiting the bad behavior are given excuses by those in position to be called “authorities” on the subject. I wonder if you have considered sharing your ideas in a curiculum for teachers? Seems to me that would be the best place to stop the madness.