Thanks for the question. I hope this response and my prior posts will help answer it for you.

I have zero trust in and consequently respect for “authority” because I see and have seen it so frequently abused, particularly in my own family. Consequently, this really has affected my character. I generally tend to give lip service, but deep down, I resent the power differential – but it’s not because I want power, but because I fear the abuse of it – I think I even fear my own abuse of it, which is one of the reasons I am so incredibly avoidant. I think I do have a character disorder – but I’m not aggressive – at least not consciously. I guess my question is if you think I’m one of the people you’re describing, and I’m serious.

If you have time to answer my question, I’d appreciate it.

I was in a ‘writing group’ for a few sessions that was a misrepresented therapy group. I was actually interested in doing some creative writing and went through an interview with two LCSW facilitators and directly asked at the interview if it was a ‘therapy group’ and was assured that ‘no, it’s a writing group, but issues may come up.’ It turns out that it was all about issues and only one other participant other than myself actually wrote anything in advance (and only once at that) based on the assigned writing exercises. The other participants (about a 50% attendance rate) were all ‘diagnosed’ with various mental health conditions and wanted to talk about the issues they were facing in their lives. One of the biggest issues, as you might imagine, was that nobody was able to write. The biggest revealed implement to writing was that parents, teachers, past partners, etc., had all been critical or abusive in the past and the two hour ‘group meetings’ digressed quickly into a competitive presentation of who had been abused, mistreated, denigrated, marginalized, not encouraged, criticized, etc, the most. After the fourth meeting when I was once again the only participant who had written anything, I talked to the ‘facilitators’ and said that the nature of the ‘writing group’ had been misrepresented and I wasn’t interested in being in a therapy group with this particular group of people. One of the ‘facilitators’ admitted that they let me into the group to provide ‘diversity.’ Um, thanks.

I’ve thought about it and talked with my close friends, but really didn’t see any proverbial red flags in advance. I do have to admit that it was interesting to see manipulating, avoidance, and enabling in action.

Back to the neighbor who said that ‘everybody needs to be in therapy.’ I gave him a copy of one of the exercises ‘Childhood memory using the five senses’ that I’d written (thinking he’d like the topic) and told him that I’d left the ‘writing’ group because I didn’t want to be in a therapy group. That’s when he ‘came out’ as a clinically depressed, recovering addict (I didn’t ask what he was recovering from/with), support group junkie, and said that EVERYBODY needs to be in therapy or they are in denial. I intuitively realized that he was equating himself with myself (garden variety neurotic!) and that’s when I wondered if there was a term for what he was doing. After a bit of Googling, I discovered that he was ‘leveling.’ He also said that he just assumed that I was in therapy, because ‘you’re so normal.’ Maybe some flattery and seduction? He also wanted to tell me his ‘story’ but fortunately, the red flags went up and I extricated myself.

My friends and family enjoyed the creative writing that I did and despite the experience, will keep doing for the enjoyment of it.

I’m less than 2 years into my own therapy so maybe I’ll feel differently by the time I’m done with that and school. Right now, the idea of dealing with a narcissist, even on a professional level, just seems exhausting!

Thanks for your encouragement.

Actually, treating disturbed characters is relatively straightforward and relatively effective believe it or not, especially if you approach it from the correct framework. Using traditional methods to do it is analogous to attempting brain surgery with a dentist’s appliances.

Whenever I read your articles, I have narcissists in mind, because that’s who I know best from my personal life.

My father (narcissist + possibly anti-social) did the I’ll-go-to-therapy-thing for about 2 months after a huge blow-up at home and then was suddenly “cured” and never went back. He died never having had an aha moment.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to treat these individuals once I’m a psychologist because of all their nonsense.

By far, however, the biggest issue in treatment is making interpretations of their behavior that are based on traditional metaphors and assumptions. The disordered character knows the therapist is on the wrong track, so this gives them a tactical advantage and they’re likely to “play” the therapist (and anyone else involved in the counseling) for all their worth.