A reality check or a confrontation is a good way to verify that his plans are just dreams he does not intend to make true in the future. Using critical thinking skills help us unmask people like the man you described here because critical thinking bases its judgment on factual evidence.

He “dreams” and makes plan for the future, but in reality, he does not have a plan today to follow the necessary steps to achieve his future plans. Evidence today, tells he is a con artist. And, as usual, manipulators will resort to every “rational explanation” they can get hold of to back their ideas.

Moreover, the screaming part is another evidence of his lack of sense. His plans and dreams do not make sense, so he will likely take offense easily and scream or yell at you out of his own frustration.

When in doubt, confront him with real facts.

When he goes out to the bar, its because he had a hard days work, and needed some “man time” with his alcoholic buddies. He is at the bar after work at least 3 or 4 days a week and 1 or 2 times during the weekend. When i get upset, he has an excuse for his broken promise (I promise I will quit drinking, cut back drinking) and the advantage of all these good things he has made known to me…all these good intentions and endless sacrifices. I feel that he has sacrificed his bachelor freedom to be in a relationship with me. He acts as if, I make no sacrifices to be with him, and it is getting to the point that I feel, that to be with him, what I have to sacrifice is me, altogether.

He makes known his “for the betterment of’s…” when he makes up more rules in the house. Or the goodness of all these great plans he has for us. the more I seem the more I realize he is a completely different person, than Ï thought he was.

:o)

I know my mother thought (or said that’s what she thought) that she was just “keeping us safe”. I’m wondering if that’s the same thing as our fathers thinking they were just “helping us live up to our potential”?

Tought to be yourself under these circumstances is the under statement of a lifetime! I’m still trying to figure out who I am at age 38! :)

I was reflecting on your comment and relating the over-protecting mothers to co-dependent people. My mother was exactly that kind of mother, she wouldn’t allow anyone to grow up, and make their own decisiones, and she would think and feel for others, she was extremely over-protective (pretty obssessive) and she would always remind her children of “what a caring mother she was”.

On the other hand, my father was exactly the kind of father Dr. Simon described here. (…he was only trying to be a good father, to be sure that he afforded the child every opportunity, and to help her achieve her full potential, etc.,) and to make matters worse he was (still is) an internationally renowned dentist.

So, to my parents, anything less than perfect was below their expectations. Now, when you have parents who expect A plus children, 100% of the time, while on the other hand they are overprotective and will always tell you what to do, what to feel, what to think and what decisions you should make, it becomes pretty tough just trying to be yourself.

Not surprisingly, me and my siblings all ran away from home at a very young age. I guess no one in their sane mind can bear such a constant pressure.

Today my parents are in their 70s and me and my siblings look after them, and we are happy we realized early in life that our parents would not change in the long run. Until this day, if you confront them about their controlling issues, they will deny everything, although they still attempt to control everyone’s life, alleging they know what other people feel and/or think, etc…

Ah, parents! :)

I can relate a lot to this in my community. This kind of manipulation (unfortunately) tends to be very common in some cultures. For instance, in my country it is very common to see what we call the “Fellini” mothers – which has also been very well depicted on Dr. Berne’s book (Games People Play) as the “I’m only trying to help you” mind game.

In our country, these kinds of mother are so overprotective and have so many expectations on their children that they put a lot of pressure on them, and “God Save the Kid” who does not fullfill his/her mom’s expectations.

Not only these children have to comply with their mothers’ wishes, but also they even have to “thank” their mothers for being so “considerate” and “devote” their lives to the “upbringing” of their children.

Fortunatelly, we usually have only one mom per lifetime (sorry that was a Latin-world joke) =)