Evasion and Diversion as Manipulation Tactics
Side-stepping and misleading: rather than being accountable and responsible, what the issue-dodger and subject-changer really wants is to advance their own agenda at the expense of yours, while simultaneously managing your impression of them.
I’ve been presenting a series of articles on certain behaviors common to individuals with disturbed characters. These behaviors serve as vehicles of resistance to accepting the principles of social responsibility and also are effective tactics of manipulation and impression-management. Some of the behaviors we’ve explored so far include rationalization, blaming, and minimization:
- “Understanding Rationalization: Making Excuses as an Effective Manipulation Tactic”
- “Playing the Blame Game as a Manipulation Tactic”
- “Minimization: Trivializing Behavior as a Manipulation Tactic”
All of these behaviors create problems in relationships. But perhaps no behaviors are as frustrating to someone trying to elicit some degree of accountability from another as are the tactics of evasion and diversion.
A moving target is hard to hit. If you try to confront an issue head on, a person who wants to manipulate you will do their best to side-step the issue. Evading a matter of central concern is a great way not only to dodge responsibility, but also to keep the light of illumination from shining on the behavior needing attention.
I remember a conversation between a woman who tried to confront her husband about the infidelity she suspected. When he responded that he certainly understood how she might be suspicious because he’d been working so hard lately, he effectively side-stepped the issue. This woman had the moxie to continue pressing the issue — but the more she tried to pin him down, the more evasive he became, combining his issue-dodging tactic with other tactics.
The tactic of diversion often goes hand-in-hand with evasion. Sometimes, when you try to pin down someone intent on manipulating you, they’ll effectively change the subject, focusing attention on some other related or even tangential issue. This emotional sleight of hand is an effective way to keep attention focused on almost anything else but the matter which has been raised. Many times, attention is shifted toward the person trying to bring a problem behavior to light, thus effectively not only throwing that person on the defensive, but also prompting them to lose focus and become derailed in their pursuit of their own agenda.
Diversion and evasion are two effective means of deflecting concern or confrontation about problem behaviors. It is axiomatic that the person using these tactics has no intention whatsoever of taking responsibility for a behavior or of considering changing it. Rather than be accountable and responsible, what the issue-dodger and subject-changer really wants to do is to advance their own agenda at the expense of yours while simultaneously managing your impression of them. Such tactics are employed very effectively by political talking heads when they are grilled by news commentators who have serious questions about the policies being endorsed: as a result, they stay on message, while looking good and remaining convincing, despite what they know are flaws in their positions.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Thursday, 5th March 2009. You can leave a reply below.
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http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/03/05/evasion-and-diversion/
5th March 2009
Dr Simon,
The more I read here, especially how you’ve broken down very specific behaviors, the more I learn. It seems to me why I often haven’t understood all these behaviors is because, in real life, many different tactics, manipulations and behaviors are all mixed, used in conjunction with one another. Often flipping back and forth, deliberately meant to confuse. It was difficult for me to untangle what I was seeing. I appreciate you straightening things out by very specific definition and example.
6th March 2009
A great point to make, Barbara. In fact, disordered characters, most especially the aggressive personalities, are so skilled in the use of the tactics that they generally launch a barrage of tactics simultaneously and the person on the receiving end of these tactics often has the experience of someone who has whiplash – they don’t even know all that’s happened until the damage is already done. Sometimes, when a few tactics don’t seem to be working, they’ll quickly move on to others. So, knowing all the tactics by heart is really important. That way, you can be inoculated against future manipulative encounters.
6th March 2009
I agree with Barbara. It is SO confusing and the way you are breaking them down here is incredibly helpful. Each time I read an article, I think, “ah…he/she was using this one when I brought that subject up…”, etc.
10th June 2009
My step-son is causing serious issues in our family by claiming suicidal thoughts and behavior. He has a therapist, is medicated, and in his 20’s. However, he does the evasion and diversion, I mean literally.This article described him to a tee. For instance, everytime he’s been “suicidal” its usually around a time when he needs money,or just simply wants attention. For example, he didn’t pay a bill, his friends have a better lifestyle than him, things are not up to his standards, etc. Its pretty obvious now that he wants to keep his money and spend everyone else’s at this point. Essentially, I’m dealing with a 13 year old in a 20 year old body.
My question is, how can we positively address/handle this behavior without pushing buttons while in therapy? I don’t think he is suicidal, but I’m definitely not willing to take that risk. I’m very concerned for my wife as this is taking a toll on her health and emotional state.