I understand that and I want that and so much more for him in his happiness… other then showing him these articles etc… is there anything else I can do for him to help him NOT to become her victim?

Ya, she has pulled the “I’m depressed & its your Mom’s fault”… as well as the “I can’t eat and its your Mom’s fault” cards on me as well as threats that if anything happens to her, it is all my fault.

I am sick of it…

Thank you!
Char in Canada

This article in particular seems to be about people like myself. I tend to talk to people in this manner all the time since early adolescence especially my paarents, classmates, and teachers. I’m in my teenage years now but yet I continue to do this. I always thought it was just a bad habit. I’ve met several people in my high school and some are really nice but they tend to accept or find the better in people like myself and some times swallow all the lies I spill (by accident some times). But now I’m worried that since this is ofcourse wrong and I’ve known that for a long time, this puts an emphasis on that and I need to stop. I don’t want my good friends to go insane or move further away from me because I do this often. I’ve read several of your other articles including “Shame, Guilt, and Character Development” but now I’m wondering how exactly do people deal with a neurotic who tends to manipulate others. Socety doesn’t just shun them or leave them astray to fend for themselves does it?

The reason we feel insane when these things happen (as I discuss in the book) is that when when we’re being barraged by the tactics, we unconsciously go on the defensive. Yet, because the tactics by nature conceal obvious aggressive intent, and because traditional notions about human behavior color our perspective, we have a hard time seeing the person using the tactics as someone who’s simply trying to exploit, take advantage of, or manipulate us. That would make anyone feel crazy.

LOL! You could have been describing me, SMMTAM, as I have done the very same thing many, many times.

I used to fall into the category of the “…neurotic individuals, especially those who always want to think the best of people and who strive hard to understand what would make a person behave in a problematic way.”. I have had experiences with manipulative individuals as you have described in this article and have almost driven myself insane trying to figure them out. I usually ended up concluding that I had done something wrong…as was their plan all along.

This is the first article I’ve read indicating that these behaviors are NOT unconscious defense mechanisms, but are in fact, conscious. I had suspected as much. It is brilliantly written and extremely informative and helpful.

Thank you! I can’t wait for the next one.