Understanding the Dysfunctional Tactics of Disturbed Characters
Disordered characters engage in certain behaviors that are so “automatic” that it’s tempting to think that they do them unconsciously. Besides that, on the surface, these behaviors so closely resemble defense mechanisms at times that they can easily be misinterpreted as such.
Almost everyone has heard the term “defense mechanism.” Originating in psychoanalytic theory, the term refers to a variety of intra-psychic mechanisms individuals use to defend against the experience of unbearable emotional pain and to alleviate anxiety associated with conflicts between their primal urges (id) and their consciences (superego). Such mechanisms are postulated to operate unconsciously. That is, the person doesn’t deliberately use these methods to ease emotional pain, but rather the unconscious mind employs them so that the conscious mind never has to experience the pain in the first place. But the reason individuals we sometimes label “neurotic” sometimes develop problematic symptoms is because these unconscious tools of anxiety mitigation, though powerful, are neither adequate, nor are they fully adaptive as ways to mitigate emotional pain.
Disordered characters engage in certain behaviors that are so “automatic” that it’s tempting to think that they do them unconsciously. Besides that, on the surface, these behaviors so closely resemble defense mechanisms at times that they can easily be misinterpreted as such, especially by individuals who are overly steeped in traditional paradigms or perspectives of understanding human behavior. However, on closer inspection, many of these behaviors might be more accurately labeled tactics of manipulation, impression-management, and responsibility-resistance.
In a prior post, I noted that one of the distinguishing differences between individuals best described as “neurotic” versus those best described as disturbed in character is the role that true “defense mechanisms” play in the problems they have. I also pointed out how common it is that certain behaviors can be misinterpreted when erroneously given the same label that have traditionally been assigned to the defense mechanisms. (See “Understanding Denial as a Defense Mechanism”.)
In the next series of posts, I’ll be discussing some of the most common behaviors disturbed characters engage in that simultaneously reinforce their resistance to accepting social responsibility, manage the impressions others have of them, and manipulate others into a position of disadvantage in their relationships with them. Because the behaviors simultaneously accomplish all three of these objectives, they are powerful offensive tactics or maneuvers. Disturbed characters use these tactics often because they’re effective (at least in the short-run). And because many of them are often misinterpreted as defense mechanisms or behaviors other than the tactics they are, they are worthy of careful examination. Misinterpreting the behavior of a disordered character is the first step in the process of being victimized by them.
Some of the behaviors we’ll be discussing in the upcoming series will include rationalization (i.e., excuse-making or attempts at justification), blaming and scapegoating, playing the victim, feigning ignorance and innocence, and minimizing.
The tactics disturbed characters use that obstruct the development of social responsibility are also closely linked with the erroneous patterns of thinking that were the subjects of the last series of posts. In fact, the thinking errors and the attitudes they spawn are the precursors for many of the tactics we’ll be discussing.
The series of posts on thinking errors generated some great discussion. I hope the same will prove true for the series on the dysfunctional tactics of the disturbed character.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Thursday, 12th February 2009. You can leave a reply below.
The URL of this page is:
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/02/12/dysfunctional-tactics-disturbed-characters/
12th February 2009
Can’t wait to hear more on this.
13th February 2009
ok, I am officially on the fence. Does my ocpd dh suffer from anxiety and use various defense mechanisms to obtain relief from that anxiety or does he really do things on purpose as the above article states? The end result for me for years was victimization. Now with having more control over the relationship I am no longer a victim but I still observe subtle acting out that is very strange at times. I would still like to know if he is a disturbed character or one with an anxiety disorder. How can you tell the difference?
16th February 2009
Karen,
I’ve made it a point to draw a careful distinction between an individual with a personality disorder versus a disturbance of character (you might want to see my prior posts on these subjects). Some professionals erroneously use the terms character and personality synonymously, thus confusing the picture. All that said, if a person truly has an obsessive-compulsive personality disorder, then they are much more toward the “neurotic” as opposed to character disturbed side of the spectrum and do indeed experience high levels of anxiety which they attempt to mitigate with their o-c behaviors. One caveat: mental health diagnoses are not always mutually exclusive. So, a person can have o-c personality traits and have character issues, too. Such is the case with individuals who I describe in my book as being not only o-c but also covertly aggressive (i.e., use their purported dedication to details and the proper course as pretexts to wielding tyrannical power and control in their relationships. Individuals who are covertly aggressive are highly manipulative and have significant disturbance of character.
15th April 2009
Dr Gearge
I am a layperson and found and read this and all related articles on the subject and found them excellent at understanding my Mum’s behaviour.
It has really helped me understand my own reactions and learn not to be ‘played’ by the covert tactics she uses. My only problem I guess is that as stated in your article, these tactics work! She manages to get everyone else she knows to act exactly how she wants.
As I am the exception to this rule, she has now started referring to me as ‘hard’ and ‘unfeeling’ and trying to turn family members against me……… I guess until everyone else in the world reads this article I am relatively on my own in my fight against my Mum’s behaviour!!!
I have great comfort in not being manipulated further by this and understanding that guilt-tripping and blaming others are all part of her tactics and not a true reflection of my character.
The real issue for me is how to deal with her in the future. Know ing she will always be playng this game and expecting me to fall into line will mean I always have a battle on my hands. If this were not my Mum I could walk away. I have to reassure myself that she chooses this behaviour, and that choice she has made has benefits, but also consequences in the fact that she has no meaningful relationship with her daughter. That must at some level be sad for her (as it is for me)
I just wanted to say many thanks for the excellent information. I am sure it helps many professionals, but also know that it also helps regular people too!
15th April 2009
Thanks so much for your comment, and also for the validation, Claire.
21st April 2009
Thank you so much for your articles on this subject. I have been dealing with this exact problem with an in-law. Up til now, I spent countless hours trying to “figure her out”, feeling guilty, not wanting to harm the relationship due to my son. Now, I realize how harmful all this is to me. You have provided such relief. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
21st April 2009
Thanks for your comments, Toni. The validation always feels good and I always use the information in such comments to enhance my continuing work. :)
16th May 2009
Thank you for sharing this information. I thought I was going crazy. When I finally broke up with my husband of 12 years, he relapsed with meth (speed). I did not know him back in those years, so his behavior on meth. is absolutely nuts. How do character disorders act when they are high? He is showing my selfishness, impulsivity and “don’t care about anything” attitude than I have ever seen his act like. I had to get a restainging order out on him and jail him twice. Now he’s clean & sober and said that the drugs made him turn into a different person. (He left the message on my phone) I have since changed my phone number. Please clarify.
Kathy
18th May 2009
Hi, Kathy.
Thanks for your comments.
Once in the throes of a major addiction, people can and do change aspects of their personality (usually for the worse). So there is always SOME truth to their excuse-making about their behavior. HOWEVER, the choice to try illegal drugs in the first place, to jeopardize a relationship in favor of selfish desires, to take risks that are well known, etc., all point to defects in character that were there from the start and need to be attended to. So, it’s rarely the case that when someone finally gets clean and sober that all their personal issues are resolved and that they can resume relationships without concern. Best to be sure not only that someone is not only clean and sober but also that they have their issues worked through and have developed the maturity and character to foster a healthy relationship.
1st August 2009
Dear Dr.Simon,
Thank you for these blogs on Disturbed Characters. I just got out of a relationship with someone who I believe to have this. Often he would play the victim in everything that had happened to him (even when something that happened was his fault). He was very manipulative, and aggressive at times as well. When we first started dating, I misinterpreted everything he did, thinking that he was really the victim of many events, I would almost pity him, and the things that happened to him. My family noticed a change in me, and only put up with him because they knew I loved him, and we were engaged to be married next year. I would often be blamed for the things he did, whether it meant he got too aggressive and hurt me (He would blame it on the fact that I might do a stance that looked like I was going to attack him? I never fully understood that due to the fact that it could happen if I lightly tapped him playfully) or whether it meant that he used his families cellphone, and got caught while texting/calling me. Inevitably it would end up being my fault for all of his short comings and problems. Although I can not completely understand some of this, I can relate to it, finding certain things in his behavior which lead for me to look this up. A lot of the things mentioned in these articles fits him very well. I am just glad to know that it wasn’t me causing all of his problems, and it wasn’t entirely my fault for the downfall of our relationship, but more or less for the fact of this problem.
Thank you again.
1st August 2009
Thanks so much for your comments, Dorothy. Being made to feel responsible for the disturbed character’s behavior is a common complaint of those who haven’t yet come to understand the nature of manipulation. While I’m certainly not happy you had to go through what you did, I’m most heartened that you were able to gain a clearer perspective and that you found the blog articles and principles outlined in my book helpful.