I think finding a therapists you relate to is very important. It is the therapist and your relationship that does the healing.

Thanks for your comment.

I think it may help a lot in therapy if the therapist and you have similar values. The biggest reason why is that in their lives they may have some of the similar struggles to draw from in their own life experience which give them a better relational connection with you.
It’s definately a lot easier when the person can relate instantly with what you are conveying to them. That’s why its so important to find a therapist that can relate and also help you to get through whatever it is you there for in the forst place. I don’t think its about conformity as such its a relating to the authentic person you are
and getting help by a professional during a time of crisis of just wanting to clear on what you aren’t clear on so you can move on.

Great Post, Evan.

Thanks,
Diane

Firstly for sharing so personally. And then for such a great description of the therapeutic journey.

Thanking you very much for your comment.

I have been involved in five therapeutic relationships in my life. And honestly, the first three I missed a lot of purpose, understanding and directedness of my role and the therapist’s. The fourth one showed me how important it is to find a therapist that was suited to me, my needs, my sensibilities. If it hadn’t been for the fact that chaos appeared in my life, I’m not sure there would have been a fourth and fifth try. In fact, I’m sure there was an element of miraculous, for dead set against would have been an understatement.

I recently was describing for myself, and think I’ve even commented here, what therapy is and has been this time around. I’ve modified my thoughts a little as I can now see some evolution and projections.

Therapy seems to start out as a rescue mission. One doesn’t usually go to learn at first, but to find some relief, relief usually in the form of support and understanding, then answers. That leads into new directions and the desire to know more, learn more. As things that seem factual get shown to one, the learning gravitates to trying out the learning, seeing what resonates, what doesn’t, what fits with me. So far, the small parts of applying I’ve touched on have proved to be the hardest stage. I spend a lot of time in I don’t know.

In therapy, in life, uncertainty often allows another’s influence to be a guide. Adapting to what another thinks, feels, presents, because they appear so certain in their own beliefs. Yet it is my job in therapy to pick and choose or as you describe it, Evan, develop style. Desired style. Because it’s not that I didn’t have a style before, but it was that particular style that contributed to the need/want for help in the first place. Then to allow the therapist to point things out, reinforce them, as I discover and unveil my style, in order to solidify it, make it real.

I can certainly see the direction therapy can and maybe even should take after the rescue and learning. It’s easy to think you are ‘done’ because the relief came, learning happened. But I think it only completes half the circle.

That is one of the ultimate points after all, isn’t it, each of us displaying, utilizing, contributing our uniqueness?