Comments on: No, Really — It’s All About Me: Egomaniacal Thinking

By: Justin

Justin — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:35:22 +0000

Of course it is easy, you were educated and trained and practice and are paid! Patients are not practiced, not paid, not educated, and are not trained…

By: Dr George Simon, PhD

Dr George Simon, PhD — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 15:42:44 +0000

Again, great discussion, all! A few additional comments:

The notion that we all have neurotic pathology and it’s just a matter of degree is not proving to be valid. Further, many of our most commonly accepted and longstanding assumptions about the reasons for severe pathology (e.g., multiple layers of trauma, intense deprivation, abuse, etc.) are also not turning out to be as valid as we thought. Really coming to understand character disturbance with appropriate “compassion” as well as receptivity required me and other researchers to stop studying the phenomenon through the glasses of the old metaphors we had long ago been taught as gospel. When we did things that once “appeared” one phenomenon or another on the surface turned out to be entirely different realities once our biases were out of the way. That’s what prompted many of us to change the labels we’d been applying, so that our frames of reference would be more accurate. Only then could we really see the problems clearly enough to “help” an individual change. I have been working with disturbed characters a long time not so much because I really enjoy working with people who are so abnormal that they can’t reciprocate like normal individuals, but because I have learned very well that a different perspective has given me an avenue to establish genuine trust and rapport and to truly facilitate a level of change that many once thought impossible. I can’t think of anything more humane or compassionate than that. As for how hard the work is, I have actually found it easy. Neurotics get “defensive” making it a challenge to facilitate such a safe atmosphere that they will voluntarily drop the defenses. Character disorders use “tactics” which if not reinforced or permitted will either be voluntarily suspended by the client if he is motivated to change, or he will bow out of therapy because he’s not ready just yet to redirect his course. Because the burden is always on the client to change twisted thinking and maladaptive behavior, the therapist’s work is much easier – really! I’ve really enjoyed my work. I’ve never faced burnout. It’s definitely no harder than working with neurotics – just very different.

By: Dimitri

Dimitri — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 03:06:53 +0000

I can understand when dealing with extreme behavior of any kind, it is harder to be generous and understanding because generally normal behaviors aren’t reciprocated. Normal behaviors form a basis and starting point from which we lay the foundation of reasonable and rational interactions. When they dont exist, what do we have? Usually it’s correspondingly extreme behavior which often involves being extremely defensive and uncompromising. To stand aside and react outside the square with compassion and understanding requires superhuman qualities.
What is there to understand? Where is that point at which someone becomes ‘just bad through and through’. Its so far beyond mere neurosis that it is almost impossible to view as any sort of degree of dysfunction. I believe, it is a degree of dysfunction though. The multiple layers of trauma and the subsequent exponential reactions, adjustments, compensations (these are inadequate words) result in behavior that can be so extreme, that we dont know where to start relating to or treat.
It is a hard decision for someone who is used to and wants to help others, to write someone off and there are few among us who don’t resort to this. The time, dedication and compassion required to help someone which such huge dysfunction is usually beyond the resources and patience of mortal people. So the only option is to put it in the too hard basket with a label that leaves them with any chance of help and us with a comfortable classification that leaves us feeling justified and reasonable.

By: bury the past

bury the past — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 02:03:33 +0000

This would be a great analysis of any one individual person, but I find generalizations like this to lead to the ego-inflation of intelle-jealous and misunderstanding professionals who bite off more than they can chew. What do they do, not what they say they are.

By: Aimee

Aimee — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 21:34:26 +0000

Both of my parents fit this description to a T. For years I felt crazy because they would do A and then claim B. It’s amazing how much power someone can have if they just repeat the same false claim over and over. It doesn’t take long before most everyone falls in line. I have seen my father convince boatloads of people of his greatness – including therapists – when not one of his actions back up his claims. We really do need to start holding people accountable for “what they do” instead of letting them off the hook because they claim they “are” something else.

By: Dr George Simon, PhD

Dr George Simon, PhD — Mon, 05 Jan 2009 18:22:24 +0000

Great comments all. One point I’d like to make is that even though character disturbance is much more prevalent these days, neurosis is still with us, though largely at functional levels. Some of my prior posts address this whole concept. That said, individuals with varying degrees of neurosis do engage in “compensatory” behaviors that bespeak different dynamics that lie “underneath.” Such is the case with neurotic individuals who “act” in a pretentious way to draw attention to themselves while actually feeling unloved underneath it all. But these days it is extremely dangerous to assume that all behavior is a surface-level compensation for an underlying fear or insecurity. Remember, neurosis is a fast-fading phenomenon. With disturbed characters, what you see is what you get. And if you’re dealing with a character disordered individual acts like he’s all that ….. well, the likelihood is that he really does think all that much of himself, is not compensating for anything, and to assume otherwise puts you at a great disadvantage in a relationship until you discover the truth, sometimes too late.

So to summarize my point of view, I do have clearly defined views but those views include both an acknowledgment of neurosis and all its various manifestations as well as an acceptance of the fact that character disturbance is also a real and growing phenomenon and its manifestations are different.

By: Dimitri

Dimitri — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 01:07:55 +0000

The writer seems to have very clear defined views on the subject.
I thought many people with huge egos were compensating for feelings of inadequacy. Recently a friend commented on a mutual friends ‘overblown ego’. To me it was his perception, and our friend was actually very humble but lacked confidence, felt unacknowledged and drew attention to things he had achieved and acted like a prima donna at times because of this. It was these ‘apparent’ behaviors that drew his attention. It seems similar to short people who become larger than life to compensate for their lack of height.

By: Mariana Barrancos

Mariana Barrancos — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 19:30:12 +0000

Great article!

What a contrast between egomaniacal thinking and critical thinking! It sometimes amazes me how some people have a “one-track” mind and are unable to see things from a different perspective. They must seriously believe their point of view is “the” point of view.

I guess, also, some other people -who don’t have enough information on this subject- may mistake an inflated ego for a “good self-esteem.”

Thanks for this article.