No, Really — It’s All About Me: Egomaniacal Thinking
Disturbed characters often think they’re so smart, so clever, or so “special” that they can do what most others wouldn’t dream of trying and somehow get away with it. They see themselves as “legends in their own minds.”
My recent posts have addressed several of the erroneous or distorted ways that disordered characters tend to think, leading to problems in their relationships with others. Some recent examples:
- “Egocentric Thinking Patterns of Disturbed Characters”
- “Possessive Thinking and the Disturbed Character”
- “Impulsive Thinking, Impulsive Actions, Dire Consequences”
Disordered characters also often think far too much of themselves. They might even think that they’re so smart, so clever, or so “special” that they can do what most others wouldn’t dream of trying and somehow get away with it. They tend to think of themselves as so important or superior that they deserve things others don’t deserve. This characteristic led Stanton Samenow to describe them as “legends in their own minds.” In prior posts, I’ve written about the inflated self-image of disordered characters and how it contrasts with the self-esteem problems usually experienced by neurotics (See “Neurosis vs. Character Disorder: Self-Image Issues” and “Neurosis vs. Character Disorder: Self-Image Issues, Part 2”.) Ego-inflation is one of the main reasons these characters engage in so much egomaniacal thinking.
Disturbed characters often regard it a testament to their greatness if they can use their wits or manipulative skill to take things as opposed to really earning them. In those cases, egomaniacal thinking combines with other erroneous thinking patterns and attitudes that predispose them toward behaviors that exploit and victimize others.
Their habitually erroneous ways of thinking about themselves and their pathologically grandiose sense of self-importance inevitably leads the disturbed character to develop attitudes of arrogance, superiority, and most especially, entitlement. In all my years working with character-disordered individuals, by far the most challenging issue needing focus in therapy involves their sense of entitlement. But this sense of entitlement cannot develop in the first place without a consistent, pervasive sense of superiority to “justify” such an attitude.
A big change in cultural norms has contributed in recent years to the reinforcement of egomaniacal thinking. It’s not uncommon for young persons to be bombarded with messages that they’re “special” simply because they have a heartbeat. That’s because well-meaning individuals, steeped in old-school psychology, thought it wasn’t possible for a person to have too much self-esteem and that everyone would be emotionally healthier if they got frequent messages of validation. But what these well-intentioned folks probably haven’t considered is that when we heap praises upon people for what they are as opposed to what they do, we do them a great disservice insofar as developing a healthy sense of self-worth is concerned.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Tuesday, 30th December 2008. You can leave a reply below.
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31st December 2008
Great article!
What a contrast between egomaniacal thinking and critical thinking! It sometimes amazes me how some people have a “one-track” mind and are unable to see things from a different perspective. They must seriously believe their point of view is “the” point of view.
I guess, also, some other people -who don’t have enough information on this subject- may mistake an inflated ego for a “good self-esteem.”
Thanks for this article.
3rd January 2009
The writer seems to have very clear defined views on the subject.
I thought many people with huge egos were compensating for feelings of inadequacy. Recently a friend commented on a mutual friends ‘overblown ego’. To me it was his perception, and our friend was actually very humble but lacked confidence, felt unacknowledged and drew attention to things he had achieved and acted like a prima donna at times because of this. It was these ‘apparent’ behaviors that drew his attention. It seems similar to short people who become larger than life to compensate for their lack of height.
5th January 2009
Great comments all. One point I’d like to make is that even though character disturbance is much more prevalent these days, neurosis is still with us, though largely at functional levels. Some of my prior posts address this whole concept. That said, individuals with varying degrees of neurosis do engage in “compensatory” behaviors that bespeak different dynamics that lie “underneath.” Such is the case with neurotic individuals who “act” in a pretentious way to draw attention to themselves while actually feeling unloved underneath it all. But these days it is extremely dangerous to assume that all behavior is a surface-level compensation for an underlying fear or insecurity. Remember, neurosis is a fast-fading phenomenon. With disturbed characters, what you see is what you get. And if you’re dealing with a character disordered individual acts like he’s all that ….. well, the likelihood is that he really does think all that much of himself, is not compensating for anything, and to assume otherwise puts you at a great disadvantage in a relationship until you discover the truth, sometimes too late.
So to summarize my point of view, I do have clearly defined views but those views include both an acknowledgment of neurosis and all its various manifestations as well as an acceptance of the fact that character disturbance is also a real and growing phenomenon and its manifestations are different.
5th January 2009
Both of my parents fit this description to a T. For years I felt crazy because they would do A and then claim B. It’s amazing how much power someone can have if they just repeat the same false claim over and over. It doesn’t take long before most everyone falls in line. I have seen my father convince boatloads of people of his greatness – including therapists – when not one of his actions back up his claims. We really do need to start holding people accountable for “what they do” instead of letting them off the hook because they claim they “are” something else.
9th January 2009
This would be a great analysis of any one individual person, but I find generalizations like this to lead to the ego-inflation of intelle-jealous and misunderstanding professionals who bite off more than they can chew. What do they do, not what they say they are.
9th January 2009
I can understand when dealing with extreme behavior of any kind, it is harder to be generous and understanding because generally normal behaviors aren’t reciprocated. Normal behaviors form a basis and starting point from which we lay the foundation of reasonable and rational interactions. When they dont exist, what do we have? Usually it’s correspondingly extreme behavior which often involves being extremely defensive and uncompromising. To stand aside and react outside the square with compassion and understanding requires superhuman qualities.
What is there to understand? Where is that point at which someone becomes ‘just bad through and through’. Its so far beyond mere neurosis that it is almost impossible to view as any sort of degree of dysfunction. I believe, it is a degree of dysfunction though. The multiple layers of trauma and the subsequent exponential reactions, adjustments, compensations (these are inadequate words) result in behavior that can be so extreme, that we dont know where to start relating to or treat.
It is a hard decision for someone who is used to and wants to help others, to write someone off and there are few among us who don’t resort to this. The time, dedication and compassion required to help someone which such huge dysfunction is usually beyond the resources and patience of mortal people. So the only option is to put it in the too hard basket with a label that leaves them with any chance of help and us with a comfortable classification that leaves us feeling justified and reasonable.
9th January 2009
Again, great discussion, all! A few additional comments:
The notion that we all have neurotic pathology and it’s just a matter of degree is not proving to be valid. Further, many of our most commonly accepted and longstanding assumptions about the reasons for severe pathology (e.g., multiple layers of trauma, intense deprivation, abuse, etc.) are also not turning out to be as valid as we thought. Really coming to understand character disturbance with appropriate “compassion” as well as receptivity required me and other researchers to stop studying the phenomenon through the glasses of the old metaphors we had long ago been taught as gospel. When we did things that once “appeared” one phenomenon or another on the surface turned out to be entirely different realities once our biases were out of the way. That’s what prompted many of us to change the labels we’d been applying, so that our frames of reference would be more accurate. Only then could we really see the problems clearly enough to “help” an individual change. I have been working with disturbed characters a long time not so much because I really enjoy working with people who are so abnormal that they can’t reciprocate like normal individuals, but because I have learned very well that a different perspective has given me an avenue to establish genuine trust and rapport and to truly facilitate a level of change that many once thought impossible. I can’t think of anything more humane or compassionate than that. As for how hard the work is, I have actually found it easy. Neurotics get “defensive” making it a challenge to facilitate such a safe atmosphere that they will voluntarily drop the defenses. Character disorders use “tactics” which if not reinforced or permitted will either be voluntarily suspended by the client if he is motivated to change, or he will bow out of therapy because he’s not ready just yet to redirect his course. Because the burden is always on the client to change twisted thinking and maladaptive behavior, the therapist’s work is much easier – really! I’ve really enjoyed my work. I’ve never faced burnout. It’s definitely no harder than working with neurotics – just very different.
27th January 2009
Of course it is easy, you were educated and trained and practice and are paid! Patients are not practiced, not paid, not educated, and are not trained…