Seeing the World How They Want to See It: Self-Deceptive Thinking
Disordered characters often live in a world of their own fantasy, adhering to the belief that “thinking makes it so.”
I’ve been posting on some of the erroneous ways disordered characters think. Prior posts have covered such “thinking errors” as possessive thinking, egocentric thinking, and combative thinking:
- “Egocentric Thinking Patterns of Disturbed Characters”
- “Possessive Thinking and the Disturbed Character”
- “Having to Win: Combative Thinking and Character Disturbance”
One of the more insidious thinking errors common to disturbed characters is Self-Deceptive Thinking.
Disordered characters are prone to seeing things as they want to see them, not as they are. Two of their core characteristics — the ease with which they lie and the resistance they have to acceding to demands placed on them — prompt them to distort the reality of situations. Sometimes they live in a world of their own fantasy, adhering to the belief that “thinking makes it so.” They often lie to themselves with the same ease that they lie to others. They alter their perceptions and distort the reality of situations so that they don’t have to change their point of view or question their usual way of doing things. Their determination to make reality be what they want it to be breeds a pervasive attitude of disdain for and disregard of the truth.
Self-Deceptive thinking often accompanies the responsibility-avoidance tactic of Denial (more about this in a future series of posts): the disturbed character tries his best to keep doing things as he prefers to do them while simultaneously attempting to convince others that he hasn’t been doing the problematic things others have brought to his attention. But long before he uses tactics like denial, the disordered character has generally grossly distorted the reality of situations to satisfy his desire to see the world his way.
I’ve counseled many individuals of disturbed character who initially balk at the notion that they have any real problems to deal with. For example, a person referred for Anger Management Training (which, by the way, I always translate into aggression-replacement training) might assert “I’ve really thought about this doc, and if you want to know the absolute truth, I really don’t think there’s a problem here.” This assertion might be made despite a mountain of evidence presented by those who pushed him to seek counseling in the first place. The assertion might even be maintained despite reviewing a litany of problems in relationships that testify to the individual’s lack of self-control. This kind of thing always raises the question: “Does he simply not see the problem?” Sometimes, he sees it just fine but isn’t really motivated to change, so he tries to justify himself to get others off his back. Other times, he’s lied to himself so often that he has begun to believe his own lies. Then again at other times, he has so twisted and so distorted so many aspects of the realities of his life that it’s really become hard for him to tell what’s real anymore.
One of the benefits of counseling disturbed characters within the Cognitive-Behavior Therapy paradigm, is that by focusing on behaviors that can be objectively verified as an issue, a person’s distorted beliefs automatically become evident. After the person has come to terms with that, attention can be given to the erroneous ways of thinking that led to those behaviors in the first place.
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This article was last reviewed by on Monday, 22nd December 2008. You can leave a reply below.
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22nd December 2008
Another excellent post! Am curious - how exactly does CBT bring distorted beliefs to the surface? I don’t dispute that it does and I’ve experienced it myself, but I’m interested in the mechanism by which this is achieved. Is it purely a question of “and is that born out by your experience/what does the evidence suggest” type questions, or is there more to it than that? I’m sure there must be; it’s certainly very clever!!
It’s interesting isn’t it … how can one tell if they are deceiving themselves?
23rd December 2008
Great question Victoria. Another thing, will the disordered individual always have a “default” button that goes back to this unreality, will they always have to have cbt to make it through the many complexities of life? Or will they eventually develop tools to be able to figure out future decisions and realities on their own? How can a loved one of a disordered individual trust this person after years of therapy to be able to accept that they are actually telling the truth and aren’t defaulting to their perceived reality? I know tough questions but they will eventually come up.
26th December 2008
This is a wonderful post!
I have come across many people asking and looking for advice on emotional abuse on the net, and to my surprise, some of them are actually looking for someone who’d tell them exactly what they want to hear.
Fairly recently, I found a discussion forum on the net about people who do not accept a point of view different from theirs. In my opinion, personal viewpoints are not about being wrong or right, or better or worse, they are simply a subjective outlook and I highly respect diversity regarding what people choose to believe.
Now, on that particular forum, my point of view, which differed from the general point of view of others, was harshly attacked and considered “wrong.”
I noticed the members of that forum were not actually seeking for some sound professional advice that could help them get rid of emotional abuse, but instead, they were using that website as a place were they could throw themselves pity parties and endless rants.
I feel for those who -for some reason (probably ignorance of other type of information) deceive themselves and keep hoping some “magic miracle” will occur.
I personally believe that if miracles exist, we make them happen. They don’t occur just because or through some wishfull thinking technique, but go figure why people keep choosing to believe an easy and magical road will heal their lives and solve their problems.
Thanks again for this thread, very interesting article and information!
28th December 2008
Interesting line of thought.
As a psych nurse I work with a lot of people who cling to a severely distorted view of themselves and the world around them. I have found that these people often attract a label (like schizophrenia etc) however if you dig deep enough you can often discern some degree of meaningfulness in what they present. It is like looking for an obscure metaphor which has a meaning for only them.
5th January 2009
I’m back from hiatus and glad to see so many great comments! Let me make a few comments of my own about CBT and the nature of self-deceptive thinking. Because it is a thinking error and not a delusion, and because the nature of character disturbance is different from neurosis with respect to the issue of personal awareness of problem behaviors (I have some prior posts on this subject), CBT doesn’t really help bring issues “to the surface” that aren’t already well-known to the disordered character even though they often do their dysfunctional things so automatically that they barely give them a second thought. Rather, CBT does what any responsible person in any relationship with a disturbed character can also do at any time, namely confront the “distorted belief” and challenge the erroneous thinker to correct his or her thinking. It’s also important to remember that the “B” part of CBT stands for the “behavior” that is always the focus of behavior therapy. So, when a habitual erroneous thinker actually accepts the challenge to change a distorted belief, we want to reward or reinforce that effort and to withdraw support or otherwise negatively consequent any reversion to erroneous thinking or behaving. CBT is really just a highly structured and artful example of how to conduct a healthy responsibility-fostering relationship in which one party holds the other accountable for his or her ways of thinking and behaving.
26th January 2009
Hello Victoria,
I don’t know how “deep” you really want to go with your question,
“…how exactly does CBT bring distorted beliefs to the surface? I don’t dispute that it does and I’ve experienced it myself, but I’m interested in the mechanism by which this is achieved.”; but here goes.
The human spirit, when released to do so, investigates one’s own “REALITY” and show that “reality” to that one’s mind (a part of the human soul).
Then, steps of CBT may or may not be of benefit according to the veracity of actual fact-truth available to therapist and client.
Well I know that opened up “a can of worms”… have at it!
JDS