Possessive Thinking and the Disturbed Character
One of the biggest reasons why disturbed characters form relationships frequently characterized by various forms of abuse and exploitation is because they think of others as objects to possess.
Continuing my series on the thinking patterns associated with character disturbance (see “What Were They Thinking?” and “CBT and the Thinking Patterns of Disturbed Characters”), we come to possessive thinking. Disordered characters tend to view those that they have any kind of relationship with as possessions that they have rightful claim over and with whom they should be able to do as they please. This type of thinking most often accompanies a tendency to “objectify” others (i.e., view them as mere objects or pawns to manipulate, as opposed to individuals of dignity with whom one has to form a mutually respectful relationship). Possessive thinking also frequently accompanies “heartless thinking” in which no empathy is felt for the need or concerns of others.
Habitual possessive thinking promotes a dehumanizing attitude toward others. When the disturbed character views others as primarily an object of pleasure, a vehicle to get something he wants, or a potential obstacle in the way of something he desires, it becomes almost impossible for him to consider them as persons with rights, needs, boundaries, or desires of their own. Viewing others as objects or possessions also makes it virtually impossible to acknowledge them as individuals of independent worth.
I’ve counseled many disturbed characters over the years. All too frequently, they reacted with extreme malice when the person with whom they had a possessive relationship tried to declare emotional independence. Sometimes, there were disastrous consequences when they decided that if they couldn’t possess their partner, then no one else could. As I mentioned in earlier posts, the way we think is a big factor in how we act. One of the biggest reasons why disturbed characters form relationships frequently characterized by various forms of abuse and exploitation is because they think of others as objects to possess.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Wednesday, 10th December 2008. You can leave a reply below.
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12th December 2008
This blog further details the characteristics of a “loser”. I returned to this site today to remind myself to hang tough. I have an ex-boyfriend who would not stop calling me (20 or more times on Sunday). He will not stop even after I don’t say a word but just hang up. I have not done anything but hang up immediately when he has called for days. This had been going on for four days so on Monday I paid additional fees to get call blocking in my land line and cell phone. I now have seven different numbers blocked because he keeps using other’s phone lines.
How can he not see my position…point of view….my emotions? How can he not respect that I don’t want to talk to him? It must be that I am just a possession. He called today from a new line and I blocked that one.
Do you have any suggestions for me?
Thank you,
Janet
14th December 2008
Hi Janet,
How can he not see your position, point of view, etc.?
These people are out for themselves and no one else. It is scary to think what they would be capable of doing, seeing that as Dr. Simon points out, if the lose can’t have you in his possession, can he let anyone else have you?
This is why I left my husband.
First I talked with him. He refused counseling, and refused to talk any further with me, after all, there was nothing wrong with the marriage, as far as he was concerned. He began monitoring my every move, asking where…….
So I started counseling when I was convinced he wouldn’t change his approach to me, or go to counseling.
First I went to the Domestic Violence support group to register, in case he did something to me. Up to that point his behavior was menacing, not physical, just like in your case.
Then I made an appt. with my pastor. This way my situation is registered with the leadership.
I let my fam and friends that there were difficulties.
You get the picture.
If a civil protection order is filed, you can have 2-5 years where his movements will be cause for his arrest if he comes near you.
However, the time depends on the laws of your particular state.
What? I didn’t hear you say that you would feel bad for him and couldn’t dare do that to him, now did I?
JANET, DON’T FORGET. YOU ARE THE ONE WITH FEELINGS, HE IS NOT.
Stay safe
27th January 2009
If any ladies are listening, please pay close attention to what these people are saying. I am in a terrible marriage with a severe control freak. I am now currently planning my escape from him. I let him think everything is okay. I just go along with the program, or so he thinks. My daughter has been emotionally scarred from her stepfather’s constant name calling and nick picking with me. We walk on eggshells when he is around.
27th July 2009
The comments are straight out of the predicament portrayed in the movie “Sleeping with the enemy” with Julia Roberts. This problem must be common if they made a movie on the topic.