Comments on: It’s Only Natural http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/ Looking at life through the prism of psychology, philosophy, mental health and more. Originally created by counsellor, psychotherapist and philosopher Dr Greg Mulhauser, this blog is now the work of an international team of contributors. Sat, 21 Nov 2009 19:07:20 -0500 hourly 1 By: Evan Hadkins http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48859 Evan Hadkins Thu, 26 Feb 2009 21:22:41 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48859 Hi Zarco, I'm glad you glad what I like wrote. It's always great to hear this. Re knowing when it's time to unlearn. For me it's when I get frustrated and I'm thinking stuff like, "What am I doing wrong?" or "But I'm doing everything right" or "It's worked every other time". Re safe people. First some of us do just get on better with some than others. We all have different sensitivities. For me if people don't like me it's not such an issue. But if they suggest I'm no good at my job then I find this much harder to just let go by. As to our judgements of ourselves about this. Long-term stuff like this can go back to childhood. Which means getting for ourselves now the nurture we missed out on then. Did you somehow get the message that you needed to be charismatic to be worthwhile. What I mean by getting the nurture is getting what we want in another way. Instead of me doing well all the time I can just do what I enjoy (like having hot baths for instance). I don't know you and so can't really know your situation but I hope these few general thoughts are useful. Hi Zarco,

I’m glad you glad what I like wrote. It’s always great to hear this.

Re knowing when it’s time to unlearn. For me it’s when I get frustrated and I’m thinking stuff like, “What am I doing wrong?” or “But I’m doing everything right” or “It’s worked every other time”.

Re safe people. First some of us do just get on better with some than others. We all have different sensitivities. For me if people don’t like me it’s not such an issue. But if they suggest I’m no good at my job then I find this much harder to just let go by.
As to our judgements of ourselves about this. Long-term stuff like this can go back to childhood. Which means getting for ourselves now the nurture we missed out on then. Did you somehow get the message that you needed to be charismatic to be worthwhile. What I mean by getting the nurture is getting what we want in another way. Instead of me doing well all the time I can just do what I enjoy (like having hot baths for instance).
I don’t know you and so can’t really know your situation but I hope these few general thoughts are useful.

]]> By: Zarco http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48854 Zarco Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:57:15 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48854 Hello, I loved reading what you have written. Two important things that I caught sight of immediately were: a. there was such a thing as 'unlearning' that sometimes is as important as learning. b. And the other thing was what you said 'even knowing what kinds of people are (psychologically and physically) safe to be around' - interesting you used the word ´safe´ here. Two questions that emerge in my mind from the above points: 1. How do you know what you have to unlearn as you go along in life? 2. When you find the safe people for you, how do you explain to yourself that there are those who are safe for others, but not for you? I often judge myself for finding more often people who I dont hit it off with, than those I do. How do I tell myself that thats ok? It leaves me wondering if there is something wrong with me for not attracting people to me like moths to a flame. Would appreciate your feedback. Thanks in advance. Z. Hello,

I loved reading what you have written.
Two important things that I caught sight of immediately were:
a. there was such a thing as ‘unlearning’ that sometimes is as important as learning.
b. And the other thing was what you said ‘even knowing what kinds of people are (psychologically and physically) safe to be around’ – interesting you used the word ´safe´ here.

Two questions that emerge in my mind from the above points:
1. How do you know what you have to unlearn as you go along in life?
2. When you find the safe people for you, how do you explain to yourself that there are those who are safe for others, but not for you? I often judge myself for finding more often people who I dont hit it off with, than those I do. How do I tell myself that thats ok? It leaves me wondering if there is something wrong with me for not attracting people to me like moths to a flame.

Would appreciate your feedback.

Thanks in advance.

Z.

]]> By: Evan Hadkins http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48354 Evan Hadkins Thu, 11 Dec 2008 10:07:20 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48354 Thanks Sheila. For sharing your personal story and the poem. I don't think the spelling and grammar get in the way terribly much at all. Many thanks for your comment. Thanks Sheila.

For sharing your personal story and the poem. I don’t think the spelling and grammar get in the way terribly much at all.

Many thanks for your comment.

]]> By: Sheila http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48346 Sheila Wed, 10 Dec 2008 22:32:08 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48346 Sorry about all the bad grammar and misspelled words. I have trouble with communication at times, when under stress it is worse, but it seems to not come back to baseline more each time. So I know I lose more all time. Long time ago had brain injury and communication is part trouble. Anyhow I saw misspelled and grammar is wrong in previous post. Is bad I see writing and hear speech is wrong when I try to communicate but it is hard to correct sometimes. Anyhow when I post I want to say sorry for this. I do not know if we can put personal websites in these posts or not. But I have put in place above where it asks for it. There on my site are about 58 other poems I have written. Poems I find easy way to communicate. The site is broken down into Life History Poems – 12 poems, Energy Poems – 10 poems, Muttering Poems – 15 poems, Praise Poems – 19 poems, and Day to day – 1 poem. One of the first ones I wrote is called Friends: I sent this to many friends and a few responded saying it made them think of a family member, one it even made her decide to go spend more time with her mother who has Alzheimer’s. Friends Changing seasons, changing times, All things change during our lives. We develop friends through the years, Some come and go with our tears. As I change from functional to nonfunctional, Friends drift and become minimal. Those that stay to the end of my days, Those few are true friends in all ways. Although you have dwindled to so very few, I am blessed to have known you. Those that wish to depart, I still hold you in my heart. Blessings Sheila Sorry about all the bad grammar and misspelled words. I have trouble with communication at times, when under stress it is worse, but it seems to not come back to baseline more each time. So I know I lose more all time. Long time ago had brain injury and communication is part trouble. Anyhow I saw misspelled and grammar is wrong in previous post. Is bad I see writing and hear speech is wrong when I try to communicate but it is hard to correct sometimes. Anyhow when I post I want to say sorry for this.

I do not know if we can put personal websites in these posts or not. But I have put in place above where it asks for it. There on my site are about 58 other poems I have written. Poems I find easy way to communicate. The site is broken down into Life History Poems – 12 poems, Energy Poems – 10 poems, Muttering Poems – 15 poems, Praise Poems – 19 poems, and Day to day – 1 poem.

One of the first ones I wrote is called Friends: I sent this to many friends and a few responded saying it made them think of a family member, one it even made her decide to go spend more time with her mother who has Alzheimer’s.

Friends
Changing seasons, changing times,
All things change during our lives.
We develop friends through the years,
Some come and go with our tears.

As I change from functional to nonfunctional,
Friends drift and become minimal.
Those that stay to the end of my days,
Those few are true friends in all ways.

Although you have dwindled to so very few,
I am blessed to have known you.
Those that wish to depart,
I still hold you in my heart.

Blessings Sheila

]]> By: Sheila http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48344 Sheila Wed, 10 Dec 2008 21:12:02 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48344 I’m not sure if I was born with it or it developed. I think in many ways we are all born with abilities or instincts that many end up losing. My empathic ability for me has been both a blessing and a curse. I know when someone is in pain, or their emotions become escalated. I use to work as an RN on psychiatric units in the hospital. This was hard. When the unit was full (13 bed unit) I became ill from the clients. I would know what each one was feeling as I passed their rooms at night during the 15 min rounds. I even got to the point of having to ask a student nurse to stay out of the area I was in. He was hyper-manic himself. What I felt coming from him when he was near was a sensation of billions of ping-pong balls going off in every direction at high velocity inside. Another time near a client and somehow connected with his mind. I found it dark, thick like sludge with a mumbling voice in the left back hemisphere. This gave me an idea when a catatonic client came on the unit. I deliberately tried to connect with her mind; I found her mind quiet, peaceful and dark. I tried to visualize a small candle light in her mind and kept asking her to come into the light. I cannot say if this really helped or not, but her family said this was the first time she came out of the catatonic state so quickly, she was a returning client that always came in catatonic. It is a component of her illness. I do know when I do hands on energy healing I tend to have increase in empathic abilities, but when I do not do as much it tones down some. So I see it as just a transfer of energy of one kind or another because each of us have different layers in our energy field and when I use my hands to do the healing on others I am simply connecting with these different layers that work in the boy system. Emotional, Mental, spiritual and others are all layers that can be seen and felt at times. I’m not sure if I was born with it or it developed. I think in many ways we are all born with abilities or instincts that many end up losing. My empathic ability for me has been both a blessing and a curse. I know when someone is in pain, or their emotions become escalated. I use to work as an RN on psychiatric units in the hospital. This was hard. When the unit was full (13 bed unit) I became ill from the clients. I would know what each one was feeling as I passed their rooms at night during the 15 min rounds. I even got to the point of having to ask a student nurse to stay out of the area I was in. He was hyper-manic himself. What I felt coming from him when he was near was a sensation of billions of ping-pong balls going off in every direction at high velocity inside. Another time near a client and somehow connected with his mind. I found it dark, thick like sludge with a mumbling voice in the left back hemisphere. This gave me an idea when a catatonic client came on the unit. I deliberately tried to connect with her mind; I found her mind quiet, peaceful and dark. I tried to visualize a small candle light in her mind and kept asking her to come into the light. I cannot say if this really helped or not, but her family said this was the first time she came out of the catatonic state so quickly, she was a returning client that always came in catatonic. It is a component of her illness. I do know when I do hands on energy healing I tend to have increase in empathic abilities, but when I do not do as much it tones down some. So I see it as just a transfer of energy of one kind or another because each of us have different layers in our energy field and when I use my hands to do the healing on others I am simply connecting with these different layers that work in the boy system. Emotional, Mental, spiritual and others are all layers that can be seen and felt at times.

]]> By: Evan Hadkins http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48330 Evan Hadkins Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:00:56 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48330 Thanks Sheila, Very well put. I'd like to know if you your empathic ability or whether you feel you were born with it. Do you feel that you have developed what is natural? (If you would like to tell me.) What's natural does differ at the smaller scale to as you say - from subcultures to individuals. I like the poem very much. Thanks for your comment. Thanks Sheila,

Very well put. I’d like to know if you your empathic ability or whether you feel you were born with it. Do you feel that you have developed what is natural? (If you would like to tell me.)

What’s natural does differ at the smaller scale to as you say – from subcultures to individuals.

I like the poem very much.

Thanks for your comment.

]]> By: Evan Hadkins http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48329 Evan Hadkins Tue, 09 Dec 2008 21:57:15 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48329 Thanks Ching Ya, I guess I too think it is a mix of education, experience and instinct. Thanks for your comment. Thanks Ching Ya,

I guess I too think it is a mix of education, experience and instinct.

Thanks for your comment.

]]> By: Sheila http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48324 Sheila Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:51:47 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48324 Natural Evan this is a good topic. Natural is many different things to different people or cultures as you put. But even in subcultures differences may occur. To me the transfer of healing energy is natural, to be able to feel the emotions of those around me has become second nature and is natural to me even though sometimes it becomes an overload when there are too many people around or to many that are ill or in pain. This is natural to me, but to many others this is not. Natural Natural is said to be normal, This same for another may be abnormal. It is hard for one to define, When I try and confine Natural to just mine. Is your or my definition befitting, Or is one of our natural normal’s slipping. Can we just say it is shifting? Natural can be uplifting. Blessings Sheila Natural
Evan this is a good topic. Natural is many different things to different people or cultures as you put. But even in subcultures differences may occur. To me the transfer of healing energy is natural, to be able to feel the emotions of those around me has become second nature and is natural to me even though sometimes it becomes an overload when there are too many people around or to many that are ill or in pain. This is natural to me, but to many others this is not.

Natural
Natural is said to be normal,
This same for another may be abnormal.
It is hard for one to define,
When I try and confine Natural to just mine.

Is your or my definition befitting,
Or is one of our natural normal’s slipping.
Can we just say it is shifting?
Natural can be uplifting.

Blessings Sheila

]]> By: Ching Ya http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48322 Ching Ya Tue, 09 Dec 2008 13:41:58 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48322 Well written. 'I don't know, I just like it that way'. Human preferences differ from one to another, due to various factors. I do agree, education plays a big part in shaping us. In fact, even the process of learning makes us aware of what suits/unsuits us. Experiences are valuable, and important to help us finding our true self, and be natural about it. Sometimes instinct helps too, although not always right at times. Well written.
‘I don’t know, I just like it that way’. Human preferences differ from one to another, due to various factors. I do agree, education plays a big part in shaping us. In fact, even the process of learning makes us aware of what suits/unsuits us. Experiences are valuable, and important to help us finding our true self, and be natural about it. Sometimes instinct helps too, although not always right at times.

]]> By: Evan Hadkins http://counsellingresource.com/features/2008/12/08/its-only-natural/#comment-48321 Evan Hadkins Tue, 09 Dec 2008 07:51:04 +0000 http://counsellingresource.com/features/?p=967#comment-48321 Hi Diane, I'm glad you liked it. I think we do seek challenges - the qualification I have is that they arise from us, challenges imposed by others are more problematic I think. Thanks for your comment. Hi Diane,

I’m glad you liked it. I think we do seek challenges – the qualification I have is that they arise from us, challenges imposed by others are more problematic I think.

Thanks for your comment.

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