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“Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders” Comments, Page 6

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166 Responses (33 Discussion Threads) to “Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders”

  1. avatar image
    Britta
    51

    Okay, so my mom is a loser. And I’m feeling like I am worthless. Any time I had to myself, she would automatically start yelling at me to do something for her, because, apparently there is so much to do for her. Everything has to be PERFECT. And I can’t take it, I think I’m damaging myself by living with her.
    I’m 20, and so aggravated, and I don’t know if i can take this. HOnestly, I’d rather be homeless than live with her.

  2. avatar image
    Britta
    52

    I know my comment is pretty vague, but I don’t want to go into details about the situation…I don’t want to be around my mother ever again, but I really have no where else to go. I was blaming myself for everything, and realized I’m not causing her problems.
    I have my own self to work on, and being near someone who I think, personally is a loser, is really detrimental to my own growth and development wherein I want to find someone who I can look up to… : ( I have no one to talk with about this, and always assume that I’ll be killed if I talk about it.
    I’m really, very upset. I finally yelled at her this morning, because of something really small, and wanted to yell about EVERYTHING she’s done, but I am currently not wanting to create waves.
    Any comments would help.

  3. avatar image
    Diane
    53

    Hi Britta,

    It’s not your fault!

    You are worth it!

    I am sorry you are so angry right now.
    Depending on your specific situation often times it does not help to confront the person when they have PD. Find ways to manage your anger and work on moving out. Take walks to cool off when you can or write in a journal.Do you have any friends or family that you can get support from?

    I am glad you posted here!

    Everyone here will try and help you.

  4. avatar image
    Cazzie
    54

    A year ago a woman who is 11 years younger than me befriended me on the internet. She is now 36. I am female and we grew very very close as good friends and best buddies. We became very firm friends and I enjoyed our evening chats on IM. We had been chatting for three months and then one day she implied that I was hacking her computer just out of the blue and she blocked me from speaking to her again. I argued this out but to no avail as it was a damn right lie!!!. A few months later I was using my internets posting boards and noticed her posting messages in a new name and she befriended me in that new posting name. I knew it was her and even when she befriended me, yet again I knew it was her but never challenged her! After a month later she said that she was going to discontinue using that name and she asked me about my “old friend” (namely her in her old name) whom I originally befriended. I challenged her at last and said “I think you are her”!!!! She denied it profusely and said “no I am not but I have emailed her and she is very sorry for accusing you of hacking her and she wants to be your friend again. I knew damn well it was her. It was well weird because in a space of three days this “new found friend” stopped using that new name and my “old friend” mailed me again out the blue, saying that she was so glad that this other person had got us both in touch and speaking again!! Yet this other person WAS HER!!!! I know it was, she never hid anything about herself for me not to think it wasn`t her. Anyway we chatted and a couple of weeks later I told her that I had had a random email from a young man and I was laughing about it and she said “oh so you think it`s me sending you all these mails from men then do you????” I said ” hang on, steady on no I don`t”!! and she cut off our conversation. This was the first of many arguments between us and yet I was always made to feel paranoid and in the wrong when it was always her flying off the handle and starting these rows. I liked her so much because she was ultra lovely half the time. She also looked very manly and some say she is a man or both man and woman. Sometimes she would flirt with me and said that she was a bisexual woman, other times she would talk real dirty to me as though she was a man. She would use manly expressions too. Her pictures look very manly too but she swears she is a woman. She lies, I know she does. She says she has a fiancee` and that they have great sex and a great relationship and they never row and he is perfect lolol and they are going to have a fairytale wedding next year. Yet she is always on the internet all the time and when we used to engage in very long chats on the net she would say he was out or having a bath!!! I really found that hard to believe that he had four hour baths lol. He obviously doesn`t live with her nor exist, like she says. She tell me or rather shouts at me and tells me to get out of my rather unhappy marriage, tells me that my younger children who are only teenagers can manage without me, she tells me that I am a coward for not daring to leave my husband and that I am a money grabber because I would rather he left and me stay in the house. I have a very good male friend and we just have a drink together once a month. She tells me that I am a slag for going for an innocent drink with this man. She tells me that I am unfaithful and that this man is gonna “bang me or rape me”!!! She doesn`t even know us all.
    The last straws were my birthday a couple of months ago, she deliberately fell out with me a week before and I am sure it`s because she didn`t want me getting any attention of her then. Then she deliberately instigaged a paranoid argument on Christmas Eve with me even though she has promised that she would telephone me during the Christmas holidays for the first time so that we could chat. That row was caused purely because I said the word Rose and that was part of her new posting name which she used to entice me with and she still denies being Rose and everytime the woird “rose” is mentioned she goes absolutely crazy at me and accuses me of saying that she was “Rose”!!!
    I sent her a book for Christmas that she wanted and I sent it by Registered post and we were assured that it would get to her the next day. We know it got to her, we checked on the internet, yet by 11.00a.m. that morning she was emailing me saying that it hadn`t come and that it had gone to the wrong house and they were not at home so it had gone to the depot instead awaiting collection and it would be a week before she could collect it. That really burst my bubble because I knew she was lying and I was upset because I had took the time and trouble to send it and paid a lot of money too. I wonder now why she is like she is and whether she may be transgender and borderline.
    Do transgenders have borderline personalities?
    Also from what I have said is it possible that she has borderline?
    thanks.

  5. avatar image
    Wendy
    55

    Hi Cazzie,

    Yes, it’s possible that she has borderline personality disorder, but more importantly, we know for sure that she thinks nothing about lying to you and that she doesn’t care at all about your feelings. In fact, she’s actively destructive, advising you to leave your husband and your children so that she can get more of your attention.

    She is the way she is. Although she (if she is a she) is “lovely” some of the time, it sounds as if this relationship is harmful to you, as it takes up so much of your time and is so frustrating.

    Things are very unlikely to change. I think it would be much healthier for you to end this strange relationship and spend more time with your real friends and family.

    Best wishes,
    ~Wendy

  6. avatar image
    Ann
    56

    Dear Cazzie,

    I would end it. Something is definitely not right with this person.

  7. avatar image
    Ann
    57

    Hi Wendy, Margaret, Diane and Christina,

    How is everything?

  8. avatar image
    Karen
    58

    I wish i had read your am i dating a ‘loser’. four years ago!!
    Unfortunetly i endured four years of ‘hell’ at the hands of one!!
    He displayed seventeen of the twenty signs!! Some of which were extreme! The concequences of his behaviour over these years has been incredibly damaging to me and for the past year i have been attending a phycotheripist and i have someway to go!!
    He robbed me of my confidence,self-esteem,family,freinds and even now i struggle making the simplest of decisions as i constantly question my own judgement! I have a fear of mobile phones and refuse to have one as this was one of his ways of controlling my every move and if i didn’t answer or text back quick enough then i would be up to something and i knew an ‘interigation’ would be awaiting me when he got home from work! I finally ended the relationship but for me the damage was severe! I spent the first four months mainly in my bed sleeping as i was completly mentally exhausted and burnt out with the huge amount of stress i was constantly under, which actually took a considerable toll on my health and unfortunetly in june this year i was diagnoised with breast cancer and at the moment i am undergoing chemotherapy but i know there is an end in sight once my treatment is finished.
    I would go through chemo ten times than spend another day with him!!

    karen

  9. avatar image
    Diane
    59

    Hi Karen!

    Wow! You said a mouthful when you said you would go through chemo ten times before submitting to a life with your ex loser. You are so right on about the second guessing that happens when you are in abusive relationship. It really wreaks havoc on simple judgments that are natural and healthy to make by all kinds of deplorable actions by the loser. I hope you are doing well as you recover from your breast cancer. It’s so good to hear you are at the end of your course of chemo. Do let us know about your success in that. Thanks alot for sharing your story here with all otf us.

    Ann, Wendy, Margaret,Christina and All
    Happy New Year! Glad to have a new year to progress in. Still working out details foe an exit. Thanks for asking.

    Diane

  10. avatar image
    Ann
    60

    Hi Karen,

    Your Ex sounds just like my Ex. I had to carry my cell phone around with me all the time just in case he would call. Most of my clothes didn’t have a pocket so I would have to carry it in my hands. Heavens for bid if I didn’t answer when he did call. If I didn’t, when I called him back he would start yelling and ranting. It would continue even once I got home into the early morning. I’m not kidding. It was unbelievable. I bet he told you how inconsiderate you were for not answering. How everything was about you and your needs. Am I correct? They may think they’re unique, but they are all alike.

    Now it is all about you. Take care of yourself.

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