“Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders” Comments, Page 12

Just click to return to the article “Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders”.

166 Comments (33 Discussion Threads) on “Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders”

  1. Hi Wendy

    I have just visited an NPA website (comparing myself to her) and been led to one inevitable conclusion based on my reactions to her behaviour.

    She is an underlying high functioning Asperger’s personality driven by a dominant Narcissistic, Aggressive, Perfectionist character. A contradiction in terms. A highly conflicted soul.

    The prevailing opinion is that such a person will find it impossible to have a stable relationship – certainly not with me, as 100+ bustups in 5 years goes to prove without doubt. Not to mention her extremely violent two previous marriages.

    While accepting that I am a fairly submissive, non confrontational person by nature, I refuse adamantly to be played with or dominated for self serving ends by any histrionic partner – so I repeatedly walk away and will keep walking, knowing the other person will never change. I can only hope to learn from my mistakes, change myself and choose a calm, healthy, alternative person to love. who will love me back in equal measure – not measure me against an impossible ideal.

  2. Just an added comment on the brain and how information and senses (sight smell and taste) are processed in each person’s “brain”. That brain patterns aren’t the same and how some parts of a brain are “hot” or “cold” whenever information is received as view with an MRI/SPECT scan. I believe Dr. Robert Hare (Arthur of the book Without Conscience) explain it very well in this YOUTUBE video.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaTfdKYbudk

    Dr. Hare’s direct site: http://www.hare.org/welcome/

    I believe whenever we encounter someone that we believe might suffer from a PD or some type of chemical imbalance, we need to understand that their brain might be working in a totality different set of patterns (parts of their brain) and some information may be lost or misconstrued.

    We are now learning much more because of MRI and SPECT scan on people and feel very encouraged from some of the recent finding and research.

    1. Thank you, James. I am well aware that personality disordered brains are wired differently compared to ‘less emotionally reactive’ people’s.

      For example: At the height of her menstrual cycle, the hormonally dysfunctional brain of a woman suffering from PMT or PMD is often making up to 30% more brain cell dendrites than normal. This overactive cycle promotes a state of paranoia, agitation and hysterical or aggressive behaviour patterns which are usually predictable and follow a well worn pattern (proving that the woman has a hormonally-controlled mental or social problem – usually everybody else’s problem in close proximity also). Often triggered by having taken her first contraceptive pill as a teenager – and ‘shabam’, sealed for life!

      Once the peak of the cycle passes the brain and behaviour calms down and the dendritic count returns to normal-ish. Unfortunately, yet more repetitive devastation has already been heaped on a stressful relationship.

      This is all pretty basic stuff. The trouble is that it is usually the man who has to pick up the pieces of his temporarily shattered life and nerves while the woman carries on blithely as if nothing had happened and wonders what all the fuss was about!

      While the less caring man may habitually punish a woman for such dysfunctional patterns of behaviour, the more sensitive and empathetic partner ends up being ritually hammered in such a relationship, with little or no support structures for men.

      Notice how so very few men comment on this site and how sympathetic, emotional support is virtually non existent between other men? Why is it that men need to be professionally trained to ‘feel’ for their fellow man???

      Why are most men such emotional deserts – culture? Or is it just plain male-macho ‘I’m a lumberjack’ B.S.? Most men don’t do man/man empathy. I’m afraid it’s regarded as ‘gay’, in my experience! I live in Brighton, the ‘Gay Capital of Britain’ with a 10% gay population in a quarter million, so I should know. The Kemp Town district where I live, is about 25% ‘gay’.

      Could this be why men resort to physical violence, out of emotional muteness and fear of emasculation, while women resort to emotional violence because it’s what they do best? It is usually a 50/50 scenario when the effluent hits the air conditioning!

      Clearly, a case of entirely differently wired brains in practice! Brains which don’t talk to each other because they are operating on entirely incompatible levels of being and communication. This site is typically, virtually all women talking to women! Where are the ‘feeling men’?

      Am I a ‘woman’s brain’ in a man’s body? I don’t think so.

    2. There’s is much being learned about the brain and also that certain parts of the brain are actually smaller in individuals who have a personality disorder. It is hard wired physically and that is part of why they can not be helped like others can be. That is why it is pathological and in many ways unchangeable at least right now. Though much work is being done to learn what types medical interventions and psychiatry can be expanded upon that may work to improve the quality of life for them and others in their lives. Over 60 million people are affected negatively by the anti-social personality disorder
      alone. Imagine the numbers affected by all the other personality disorders we come in contact with either in persaonl relationships or at work etc. It has has to be a really large number. So its important to gain lots of knowledge and learn to practise all the quality actions needed to keep our own healthy lives in tact and protected.

      Peace, Love,and Joy,
      Diane

  3. I’ve been reading the posts here for the past few days. It’s helped me realize that maintaining NO contact with the ‘loser’ is the only way to get my life back together. I can forget about trying to rationalize. I’ve dealt with this for 7 years, with breaks ranging from 1 day to 8 months, but the cycle repeats. I hope to get the courage to share my story and figure out why I would be in this for so many years….ruining major parts of my life…in such severe denial. In the meantime, I just wanted to thank all of you for sharing. Its helps. – Nadine.

    1. Hi Nadine!

      Well you are definately facing it now and will be better for dealing with it each and every day that comes your way. I hope you will share more here too as Wendy said, there are many here who have dealt with this and can support your own efforts to gain understanding. One thing is for sure many people who have lived with a aggressive personality, etc. need to complete detachment from them as best they can for their very own well being. And that is really a OK decision!

      Peace, Love and Joy,
      Diane

  4. Hi Nadine,

    Thanks for posting. It’s hard when you realize that “no contact” with someone who meant something to you is the only way to move forward, but in most of the cases discussed on this forum, it is. Feel free to share your story – many of us have been through something similar.

    Welcome to the forum!
    ~Wendy

  5. “There’s is much being learned about the brain and also that certain parts of the brain are actually smaller in individuals who have a personality disorder.”

    Diane, I would love to see the link on this fact that some area of the brain with one the suffers from a Personality Disorder is small. I never heard that stated before but thanks for the information.

    1. It’s actually on this site…Dr. Simon and I were discussing it on a thread but I do not remember which thread…it may of have been one of his articles on this or one that my questions and intuitions were expressed to him most likely about the fact of unchangeability. Another site that the “number’s” info is from the Institute for Relational Harm that is all about pathological relationships. They have a magazine online too
      http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com with very accurate information. I will warn you that more women are on this site as statistics show violence against woman is higher. And I will also note that abuse is not gender specific by any means and when I came on board here there was quite a few men going through all of this. It actually was about fifty/fifty on this site. The founder of this site is quite amazing. As I found there is a lot of inaccurate information out there. And if truth is important be careful what you decide is accurate as you do your own digging around on the net. When trying to understand your own personal history in regards to being in an abusive relationship. There are often times overlapping traits and experiences involved. Thankfully you found this site as it has tons of accurate and up to date info and new research being posted all the time. Have you checked out Dr. Simon blog here yet?

      Peace, Love and Joy,
      Diane

  6. Nadine, Founding a good support group helps one deal with the aftermath of this type of dysfunctional and so glad you have found one here. There are others but be because some of better then others.

    Good luck in your healing.

  7. Diane,

    Thanks and yes I do know about Sandra’s web site. She is doing wonderful work in trying to educate other about this social problem.

    Having been involved and researching this issue for about 3 years now I would have to agree with you and also to warn others to confirm information by viewing a few sources. There is much misinformation concerning this type of disorder insomuch as to reference to the cluster B category.

    As for my own personal dysfunctional relationship and abuse, this it’s self has been confirm more times then I like to mention. But again it’s best to confirm whatever abused and what type of abuse they suffered from and then try hard to heal and learn from this experience.

    As for the percentage of female compared to male offender who suffer from some type of disorder with regards to the cluster B; this issue is still under debate. Still to further add to the problematical issues themselves many of those that suffer from this are never diagnose and/or seek treatment. Needless to say they simply drop through the cracks of detection.

    Sorry but I haven’t had the change to review Dr. Simon blog here yet but will do so when time allows and thank you for the lead.

    Thanks again very much Diane for your reply and hope you too have a good evening.

  8. “I would love to see the link on this fact that some area of the brain with one the suffers from a Personality Disorder is small.”

    The book “Evil Genes: Why Rome Fell, Hitler Rose, Enron Failed, and My Sister Stole My Mother’s Boyfriend” by Barbara Oakley explains how the brains of those with PDs differ. Take a look at Chapter 4, “Using Medical Imaging to Understand Psychopaths”, and Chapter 8, “Lenses, Frames, and How Broken Brains Work.”

  9. Hi folks,

    As it’s now been more than 3 years since we first published Dr Carver’s ‘Loser’ article, and more than 8 months since this latest post about it appeared, inviting comments on Dr Carver’s work, we’ll now be closing the comments section for this post. Many thanks to all who have taken the time to comment on Dr Carver’s article, and don’t forget the Ask the Psychologist is always available for sending questions directly to a psychologist for comment.

    All the best,
    Greg

Page 12 of 12 « First ... 8 9 10 11 12

The comment form is currently closed.

Overseen by an international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe, CounsellingResource.com provides peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation.

Copyright © 2002-2024. All Rights Reserved.