“Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders” Comments, Page 1
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166 Responses (Including 33 Discussion Threads) to “Over 1000 Reader Comments and Questions on ‘Losers’ and Personality Disorders”
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Julie1
This website is one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen.
People being “diagnosed” based on information from other sources (e.g. a son who has issues with his mother and her apparent need for attention) is downright unprofessional and dangerous.
The lumping of serious mental disorders into categories that contain articles about “losers”.
Yikes.
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Lizzy1.1
I have to say that I really like reading these posts because they provide support, sharing and explanation as to what is otherwise extremely deviant or irrational behavior that destroys the lives of those around them. This is not just outside of the norm what this site is addressing – it is pathological.
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2
Hi Julie,
Many thanks for taking the time to comment. I wonder have you had a chance to read the article by Dr Carver that this thread is all about — or to have a look at some of Dr Carver’s feedback in reply to readers’ questions sent in via the ‘Ask the Psychologist’ service? If you have a peek, you’ll be able to verify that no one is ‘diagnosing’ anybody via third-person reports. (You might want to double-check the disclaimer for the service as well: we make this all very clear, so that every person who actually takes the time to use the service will be aware of just how limited the scope will be of any replies we publish.)
All the best,
Greg
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3
Hi Julie,
We appreciate your comment about the website. This discussion thread is only one small section of this large website that offers mental health information. For the history of this thread, several years ago I wrote an article on Identifying Losers in Relationships – an article written as a client handout to help identify individuals who were high-risk in romantic relationships – prompting the “Loser” label commonly used in describing such individuals when dating. The article focused on the traits and behaviors of what clinicians know as “cluster B” Personality Disorders. Public response to the article prompted us to offer this discussion thread which now has over 1000 comments and questions.
In May of 2007 we opened a separate “Ask the Psychologist” feature which operates like most other advice and guidance features – questions and/or situations are described and impressions and opinions are offered by the professional. In the Ask feature, I’ve responded to over 1000 questions from readers on a variety of topics ranging from personality disorders to serious mental health concerns. While both website features deal with personality disorders, this thread focuses on relationships with these specific personality disorders.
I think the goal of all advice and guidance features is to provide a second opinion about situations. In a physician’s “Ask the Physician” feature the physician may reply “Based on your description of symptoms, I suspect you have diabetes”. No blood work has been provided but an opinion and some guidance may be offered. All “Ask the…” features work in his manner. These features are offered by every profession on thousands of websites and it’s not considered unprofessional. I don’t think you’ll find an advice feature that doesn’t offer advice…or an opinion.
Providing information about Personality Disorders is a public service. Public health information is provided every day in the media – listing the signs of depression, diabetes, heart attack, etc. While you may consider the format unprofessional and dangerous, there is more danger in not having the information we need to understand difficult relationships. Our email tells us the information provided here has significantly improved the lives of readers and maybe saved some lives.
Regarding the theme of my articles and advice, some Psychologists focus on the treatment and rehabilitation of individuals with Personality Disorders. I have always focused on the personal rights and recovery of their victims – a professional orientation that is reflected in my articles and replies to questions.
I hope this information helps you understand the topic and issues associated with this specific discussion thread. We have another thread that deals with individuals trapped in dysfunctional relationships from both the victim and the family/friend perspective. That thread is entitled “Love and Stockholm Syndrome” and is based on another article I’ve written with that title.
As mentioned, this feature is part of a very large website. I hope you’ll explore the website and look at other features and authors as well. Dr. Carver
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Susan4
Sorry Julie, but I have to disagree with you. I think this site is brilliant. I have asked a question of Dr. carver and am waiting to receive his reply.
All I know is, I am very worrried about a particular situation and need help in how to handle it without making matters worse. Who else is going to advice me? I can’t see a phychologist myself,because I am not the one with the problem. The person I love and want to help refuses to see a phychologist, as she thinks she does not have a problem.
I have my opinions and friends and family offer advice, but the truth is we do not know what to do, and I am so grateful for the opportunity to find out how to help or protect my loved one, if possible.
How can that be weird?
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Ann5
Hi Everyone,
Can anyone tell me if Paranoid Personality Disorder is one that is listed as a Cluster B?
My Ex seems to have PPD. I realize that only a professional can say for sure, but he seems to have all the signs.
For instance, he would be very hypervigilant, could remember everything anyone said practically “word for word”, constantly accuse me of having affairs, would ask me every day who I spoke with and what was said, would never let anything go, and would never forgive anything that was done or said unintentionally that had hurt him.
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6
Hi Ann,
Personality Disorders are grouped in three clusters. Cluster A are personalities viewed as behaving in an odd and eccentric manner. Paranoid Personality falls in this group. Cluster B personalities (Antisocial, Histrionic, Borderline, and Narcissistic) have exaggerated external reactions to events and people while Cluster A individuals are more emotionally detached and preoccupied with their internal reactions.As you describe, an individual with Paranoid Personality can remember conversations, events, and their feelings in multiple situations in which they were offended, treated unfairly, or irritated. They hold grudges and view every social situation with the same suspicious attitude, fearing others will use, abuse, disrespect, manipulate, offend, and/or treat them unfairly. They are rarely happy and typically don’t have friends. They are difficult to live with and their chronic suspiciousness and need to control every situation emotionally exhausts their partners. Sadly, for their partner, all attempts to make them feel safe and secure fail. An individual with Paranoid Personality remains very unhappy all their life, feels everyone around them has a problem but them, and typically never recognizes that THEY create their own problems. It’s like spending a lifetime complaining how drab the world looks without realizing you’re colorblind.
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Dottie7
I read your paper and my ex husband is definately Cluster B material. We have a 10 year old son. How can I protect the child from being hurt emotionally and psychologically? And ideas? They don’t spend much time together but Dad has shown inappropriate behavior such as crying while on the phone with son. How do I explain to a 10 year old or should I just wait?
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Diane8
Hi Julie,
I agree this site is full of educational information for all types of mental health issues. And it is a very good source. Some sites are not so deligent about their information but this site is.
Most people who write here feel blessed that it exists and wish they had read this information years ago or it was available in highschool.
People get steered to the right doctor to see. And support each other in the learning process and practice of using the great advice. Its helping quite alot of people and I agree at times saving lives and/or bettering them. Do you like Ann Lander’s advice column? Even therapists learn here.
Dottie,
Depending on the particular behaviors of your ex’s and the fact that your son ten. I would say yes in some areas that you should discuss some issues but this is definately a delicate matter. Sometimes its best to also just remind your son often that you are there for him if anything is bothering him. You don’t want it backfiring on you or him. If PD exists you’ll need to be imformed so you can help your son pritect himself. Since he cried on the phone and you know about it do your best to cover the topic. My son usually would complain about certain behaviors to me and his brithers so we could help him. Saddest fact is that some behaviors were deadends and we had to find away to cope and realize these dysfunctional behaviors weren’t ever going away. I’m glad he doesn’t have to be with him often that’s a real plus. You could also run interference for him when needed. Make up a sign when he feels too uncomfortable on the phone with him. And devise a plan on getting him off. Like I gotta go now, moms calling me or homework. Read some of the ask psychologist questions and it might help you get some creative solutions. Or write with more specifics next time. There is alot of good people here that may have some great suggestions.
Hi Ann,
I think so, Ann. Your’s sounds just like mine. I also read about delusional, DD, and actually believes the crap is true. Because if he’s like what you describe when he is in his jealous rage, it sure feels like he believes his lies about you. Like you wish there was an off button. And PDD just fits like a glove. But its often a combination. Possesive also fits, your an object a possession and this fear of loosing sets up a mindset of protecting THEIR TERRITORY. And you are that person to them. Owned. Which also touches on narcissism.
And if your new here there is also the ever controlling manipulation…covert aggression..and multiples of other types of aggression. All of these could be part and probably are part of the description you gave. And there’s even more. The deeper you dig the more you’ll find applies.
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Darline Lawson9
How do I deal with a child who has borderline personality disorder? She has been going to therapy for about 2 1/2 years now. She takes medication for her depression. She has control of her cutting and is not bulimic anymore. But now she won’t go to school. It’s her senior year and I don’t want her to mess it up. The school is working with her but they want her to start going to some of her classes. She actually drives to school some days but when she gets there, she gets a scared feeling and won’t even get out of her car. I don’t know what to do anymore, I think I need a therapist now. I have to search the web from time to time to reassure myself that she is not faking and that she has a real problem. She says she does not feel comfortalbe with the Psycharist that she has been seeing for a year now. Do we need to find another one or is this part of her condition? Please help me.
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Diane10
Hi Darline,
That has got to be tough on you. Does she talk to you well?
It seems she must at least a bit since she has said she is scared.
What is she specifically acared about? I would definately get her to therapy to work this out and contact her school counselour too. And come up with a plan for her to have when this fear happens to her. What do you think and feel about her therapist? Can you call him/her and tell them what’s going on? Its a hard call on the changing since if she won’t go to the therapist. What good is it then? Does she tell you why she is uncomfortable with the therapist? Since it sounds like she has made a lot of headway in these other areas. I’d call and find out some of the choices with the currant therapist. Hope that helps you!Diane
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