Understanding the Sadistic Personality
Sadists love to build themselves up at the expense of others. It makes them feel powerful to wield almost tyrannical influence over those they perceive as weaker or inferior. They derive pleasure from watching others cower, grovel, or struggle in one-down positions.
I’ve been posting a series of articles on the “aggressive personalities.” This group of individuals is among the most seriously disordered in character of all the various personality types. Despite the fact that official diagnostic literature neither recognizes the inordinate predisposition for aggression as the core problem for such personalities nor recognizes the distinct differences between aggressive personality types, I have outlined what I believe to be the core attributes aggressive personalities in general as well as the major aggressive personality subtypes. I’ve written in more detail about the characteristics of the Unbridled Aggressive Personality as well as the Channeled-Aggressive Personality. (See “Understanding the Unbridled Aggressive Personality” and “Understanding the Channeled-Aggressive Personality”.)
The Sadistic Personality is a relatively rare but very different aggressive personality subtype. It’s not uncommon for any aggressive personality to injure others in some way in their relentless, thoughtless, and untempered pursuit of their agendas. They want what they want and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it. And, what distinguishes aggressive personalities from assertive personalities is that aggressive personalities don’t particularly care about whether others get hurt in the process, nor do they take particular heed not to injure others. All that said, most aggressive personalities do not set out to hurt others. Their objective, purely and simply, is to get what they want. Contrarily, sadistic personalities have a primary agenda of hurting, degrading, demeaning, and inflicting agony upon others.
Sadists love to build themselves up at the expense of others. It makes them feel powerful to wield almost tyrannical influence over those they perceive as weaker or inferior. They derive pleasure from watching others cower, grovel, or struggle in one-down positions.
When I was doing early research in the area of character disturbance, I happened to encounter a president of a small corporation who boasted to me quite frequently that he was aware that if he weren’t successful as a ruthless businessman, he would probably have ended up in prison for most of his life. He was well aware of his aggressive predispositions and the ruthless aggressiveness that permeated all of his interpersonal relations. One day I witnessed this man call a female subordinate into his office and begin to berate her in a most vicious fashion. The degree to which he brandished rage had me shaking a bit in my own boots. After he finished berating her, he warned her of dire consequences if she did not accede to his demands and then dismissed her.
As soon as the woman left the room he looked at me and began to smile and chuckle. He expressed that his pre-planned expression of rage was meant to instill fear in the woman and that he was sure she would be more conscientious about doing his bidding because of it. He also expressed disgust for her weakness. His deliberate use of rage when in fact he seemed in a jovial mood after the fact made me aware for the first time how rage can be used as a manipulation and control tactic and that it doesn’t have to arise out of genuine anger or hurt. The long self-aggrandizing speech this man then engaged in with me also let me know the degree to which he was willing to make his sense of his own power and worth dependent upon the degree to which he could make others feel powerless and worthless. This man was extremely adept at spotting fairly conscientious individuals in one-down positions in their lives who needed support and were willing to put up with his bullying behavior. He surrounded himself with these types of folks and relished opportunities to terrorize them.
Although Sadistic Personalities seem to be an increasing percentage of the aggressive personality types in prison settings, they do not appear to be very common in the general population. Nonetheless, they cause an inordinate amount of distress for those who happen to become entangled in some kind of relationship with them.
Traditional theories on personality development have always presumed that individuals like the sadistic personality became the way they are out of deep-seated feelings of inferiority or as a reaction to being themselves severely abused or demeaned as children. While it sometimes turns out that such things may be factors, there is no evidence to suggest that all such personalities have such characteristics in their background, although many will lie about it to engender the sympathy of others. Rather, it seems that the majority of these individuals simply consider themselves as superior to those whom they perceive as weak and take particular delight for pure entertainment’s sake in the torture of others.
Other articles by Dr George Simon, PhD
This article was last reviewed by Dr Greg Mulhauser, Managing Editor on Thursday, 13th November 2008. You can leave a reply below.
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17 Responses (Including 4 Discussion Threads) to “Understanding the Sadistic Personality”
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Maggie11
Thank you Diana for showing me the picture of my grown-up son. I will think again about my planning that with some years of efforts – I can bring about some civiized way of living in him unlike his parents style of name-calling,hitting & demeaning each other.
Dr Simon, exactly for the caution shown by you, I have been wary of taking that route, since knowing his temperament, I know for sure – he won’t let go so easily – in fact I am afraid it might turn to something really ugly. That’s why even though I am independent financially and emotionally and have a very supportive family – but he loves his kids very much (though shows love in all sorts of wrong & forceful ways) – he might come after me and my family. I know he would never ever really let me take the kids. He also claims that he loves me, but never shows it in actions/words/ silent_support/ compasion_for_me (though he has a lot of it for his brother).
Since he is in control of the finances, he transfers all my salary into another joint account immediately (though he keeps the login info with himself). All the money is in that account – as we have been plannning the down-payment of a house. But we have not been able to zero onto anything yet. I don’t know if I would ever even get to buy the house that I want.
[Q] Dr Simon, I have one question – shall I keep trying? In essence – is there a remote chance (hard way) that he can become less aggresive and more polite – sees life as an endeavor to simplify things rather than making even simple things complex?
I have been reading your other posts as well – like “Doing rather than Saying”. So for example, yesterday when I was truly almost fainting (tired due to hectic several late night working for office – from home, running morn&evenings for kids to catch the field-trip bus/swimming class/at the daycare) – I finally had no strength to make the food. So much so that I had given somethings to eat to kids (before he came back from work) – they ate some – but I didn’t have the usual strength to insist on finishing. Now he comes back from work – makes a comment about why there was nothing ready when he came. I said I came only 45 mins before him (7:30 pm) and was busy with kids bath etc.. and now I am starting to make for him – but he cut me off and shouted one of those bad remarks – in front of my kids. So at this point, following Dr Simon, I said in straight voice that I will definitely not take this in front of kids – since then they will have no respect for their Mom and would revolt as grownups – and I walked out – took a half hour walk outside. When I returned he still hadn’t made anything other than eating fruits+some_junk. Kids also were still hungry and hence eating the same.
Without the walk-off – I’d have heard speeches from him and most likely I would have ended up making his food. But now what? So I keep doing this and he will learn to guard his language?
Pls throw som light on [Q] as route-out may not be there?
Thanks
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Dr George Simon, PhD11.1
Maggie, for various reasons I can’t give more than general guidelines. For information on the prospect for and process of change for disturbed characters, please review my series on the differences between “neurotic” and “character-disordered personalities.
I did want to comment on some fairly glaring inconsistencies in your comments that suggest to me that you have much internal ambivalence to resolve. You say your are financially “independent” yet say that your husband has complete control over your salary. You also say that he “loves” his children but shows it in “wrong” and “forceful” ways. I can’t advise you, but it appears that there are some deep ambivalences clouding your thinking and judgment. Only you have the power to more honestly with your circumstances.
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Maggie12
One note – I could go out for the walk – since now (since about a year) he does not block my way or do anything physically (unlike before) – as one day after the physical abuse – I had gone and talked to his PCP and his Cardiologist and let them know – to treat him accordingly – since his health problems are half due to anger. And later I had also let him know subtly that his Docs know about our relationship issues. Since then he knows to refrain and also I keep my distance when walking-off (making sure that I am much closer to the door than him). Also due to various readings now I try not to bring threat in my voice/words – only reasonings (like sited above ragrding kid’s revolt).
But I wonder how many walk-outs – how many times my kids in the line of fire and their wasted evenings in front of TV instead of their time-table (like food>tv>study>computer>sleep) – since their Mom’s evenings go in cleaning house, food cooking, washing, counselling father, then it’s 10pm and kids are asleep and I am too tired. I don’t even go for body-massage now since he monitor’s the expenses on CC or withdrawals.
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Maggie13
Dr Simon, I will again go through the series on “neurotic” vs “character-disordered personalities, with more focus. Thanks for the pointer.
Actually there are many contrasting things that I can describe about my observations of him, because I still want to give recognition to the good traits that he has. Say for the love for kids contrast – he would suddenly get very angry about our son’s mischief and scold him so harsh and loud and push him to ground, that even I would be shaken. And then as my son would be crying from the jolt, he would pick him and shower hugs and kisses – would keep asking the boy if he is happy now and if the boy won’t repeat hte mistake! And won’t leave the little fellow unless the boy agrees! Essentially – he misses the point of disciplining technique. He could have been more calm from the beginning and thus would not have to go to the other extreme or say sorry to the boy and insist on the boy’s speaking-up “yes dad”.
Then my son follows suit and he does the same to his toddler sis – would show temper to her harshly or push her – since that’s how he knows of how to deal with discomfort. Though this may be just childhood growing-up years.
As for financial independence – I mean, if I were to walk off – I would have the needful salary to carry on. Ofcourse I would loose the savings, but that’s not my focus, quality of life is.
But since this is not the option I am considering yet, I will go through your above cited serieas, as well as the ‘empowerment’ series and change myself accordingly. My only concern is that, while I am doing these trials, it should not become so late, that my kids are grownup copying their father’s behaviour, just like he did, copying his father’s.
Thanks
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