My thoughts are all irrational and I know they don’t make sense, but it is all too real for me. I am constantly trying to analyze the “what if and the buts”…..especially in relationship. I trust no one and always want to be left alone. I can’t move on and it has been ten years. I do go to a psychiatrist an I am on medications.

Thank you

Yvonne

You are welcome to send me a personal email.

Thanks for your comment. I appreciate how personal you have been as well as reflective.

Thanks for the clarification.

I agree with you that worrying can lead us to doing something about what we are worried about. In this way it can certainly have positive results. So I think we both agree on this.

Yes, what I meant was that worrying as defined above is not something which can very easily take place independent of our attention. That does not mean that it does not distract us from any given external or internal thing BY the use of our attention. Instead, It means that to be able to worry about anything at all, we must first have the attention to do so. How can you worry about something if you have no attention span? You might “micro”-worry… but obviously that would be quite exceptional and, regardless, aberrant to our discussion. Mostly I would like to stress, though, that worrying can certainly bring about positive results. Its a pretty hard thing, I find, to say that it is debased and completely useless. Again, I am talking about the common usage of the noun: Mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated.

I’ll give you a random example.
Joe is worried about paying his rent at the end of the month. He is unsure of how to do so and has been worried about it for a few days now. (Worried for a few days now does not signify that he has been in a state of relentless pain but that every so often over the past few days he has thought about it with out coming to an answer; thought about it and been afraid and anxious). In worrying about it, Joe decides to ask a friend for help. His friend helps him and end of story. Had Joe not worried about rent, had Joe only seen the problem but ignored it or not taken it seriously (worried about it) then maybe he would have been kicked out…
Again, there are zillions of examples, this is just a random example to show you that it can lead to a good outcome. I just wanted to answer your question because above you had entitled your text: “is worrying a waste”. Some people have a hard time maintaining how it is but nonetheless stand sternly on the notion. If I have not yet dissuaded you of the idea that worrying is of no use, feel free to let me know.

Take care,
Justin.

Thanks for your comment.

I do think that each of us worries in our own way.

As you give various possibilities for the meaning of worry I’m not sure which you are referring to in some of your statements. I’m not sure, for instance, that worrying does bring attention to an area – sometimes it distracts I think (though if you mean ‘care’ then I would agree).

Please say more if you feel I have misunderstood you.

First, I would like to point out that to worry as a verb has numerous senses. We can opine given usages of the word with the idea that only our usages are more ultimately applicable. However, to English, there are several senses which are all applicable and contextually contingent. Lets look at a few.

To worry: 1 to inflict with mental distress or agitation: make anxious: fret, trouble 2 to feel or experience concern, disquietude, or anxiety (to worry about, to fret over)
Worry as a noun means similarly: mental distress or agitation resulting from concern usually for something impending or anticipated: ANXIETY. A close synonym to this is CARE.

Care (e.g. I don’t care, I’m not worried) designates a troubled, preoccupied, or oppressed mental condition induced by responsibilities and duties or by doubts and apprehensions. Concern, the antonym of indifference, means primarily an interest in one’s well-being or safety but is likely to suggest apprehension or doubt about difficulties, dangers or failures. Now back to worry, which suggests troubled fretting about adverse developments from uncertain conditions.

Again, your question: “Is worrying a waste?”

It is certainly not a waste. However, it is not purely any thing else, either. One can enumerate both negative and positive results of worrying. Examples are not necessary, though. Suggesting that worrying is absolutely negative underestimates its functional and contextual values, regardless of how unapparent or minuscule. How could it be that the only entailments of worrying are thorough negativity and loss? Psychoanalyzing is not needed if to point out that we all deal differently (at least somewhat) with pain and pleasure and all the various sensations in between; and in this case, with handling or being affected by mental distress. Some people are motivated by worrying. This is just a simple fact. Or said differently, in worrying about a given subject, some of us are motivated to approach our problems with exigence. With more effort. While others are confused, absorbed or exhausted. Nonetheless, worrying submits our attention to any given arena of thoughts. And that is exactly what it takes for solutions to come about, attention. And sometimes, troubled fretting about adverse developments from uncertain conditions (or more simply said), worrying. Again, examples are easily obtained by a little imagination.

Also, it must be remembered that worrying is not necessarily ruminating over any given irrational thought. It can equally mean that while under fear and stress in needing a specific outcome, one is deliberating.

Is it not wrong to say that worrying for me is the same as it is for any other person? Do you not see how worrying for each of us is handled differently? Just like laughter or skepticism, like fear or excitement. By each and every one of these sensations, various thoughts come about; as do other types of action and external result. If all one ever does is worry, then worrying could be compared to most things that ran people’s existence. Laughing all the time, crying all the time, worrying all the time; such would of course be a different question.

If worrying were singularly and inextricably negative, wasteful and that which brought loss to our otherwise healthy minds and lives; then the human body would not so naturally harbor it as a sensation though, very differently if at all, an aberration or insanity. Its like saying that stress is only bad. Stress may not be liked by most of us, but at the same time it most certainly motivates quite a lot of us. While, to others of us, it hampers our ability to function. Nonetheless, like worrying, there is certainly goodness that comes about. It simply depends on how we deal with it. What it drives us to do.

Thanks for your comment. Your situation looks quite awful and incredibly stressful. I really admire that you are able to take it one day at a time, I’m not sure I could.

I do agree it is best not to worry over things we can’t change.

Thankyou for your very personal comment.