It’s best to think of neurosis and character disturbance as poles of a continuum. Most people fall somewhere along that continuum and rarely at the extreme end. Thus, a person may have some degree of neurosis as well as some characteristics of deficient or disordered character. It’s the balance that makes a difference.

With respect to the penchant of some for multiple and superficial sexual encounters or conquests as opposed to meaningful intimate relationships, generally a fair degree of character deficiency is at work here. The degree to which the encounters and the level of the manipulation involved represent a form of exploitation and abuse will depend upon the severity of the disturbance of character.

All that said, it would be a stretch to say that any man who “has a way with women” likely has a disturbance of character.

As a person centred counsellor I don’t use the ‘neurotic’ or ‘character disordered’ categories. But I have certainly had clients who were totally aware of what they were doing and why they were doing it and decided to carry on doing it because it worked. These were behaviours that were destructive to them and others.

I find though that there has always been another force in them which sensed that there was a better way of going about things. Otherwise they would not have been seeing me. It was a question of finding the cracks in the armour and strengthening that part of them that wanted to be free of the cycle.

Often behind the knowledge of what someone is doing and why lies a whole depth of feeling that they just don’t want to go into. The block to change is there.