“What is a Character Disorder? ” Comments, Page 1

Just click to return to the article “What is a Character Disorder?”.

18 Comments (5 Discussion Threads) on “What is a Character Disorder?”

  1. I’m not sure I’m getting this…

    What you are describing as character disordered individuals sounds like the personality disorders that fall under Cluster B. Should Cluster B then be separated from the other two clusters? (BTW, I’m not a professional, just an interested layperson.)

  2. So, the category is a value judgement?

    Good people (ie. those in line with their societies norms) are not character disordered.

    I take it that this includes Socrates, Jesus and Ghandi.

    What is the defintion of virtue being used?

    1. Hi Evan,
      I agree, the definition of a character-disorder as “licentious or socially irresponsible” behavior or non-conforming to societies norms, has its problems. For example, some cultures are oppressive or have oppressive components. Hence societies expectations are a non ideal reference point for civilized behavior. The reference point I use, is that the purpose of a moral code is:
      1. Preservation of life.
      2. Achievement of success.
      I’ve read these two points in several books and believe the writers plundered the bible to get them. These two points were given in defense of healing on the sabbath

    2. Hi Ken,

      I like that defination…but I guess to me when the reference to social norms was used it was in context to these two things probably being assumed…That character disordered people harm others frequently and have no conscience or virtue that helps them to overcome this and that is why they are so hard to treat.

      1. Preservation of life.
      2. Achievement of success.

      I would add in to that in character disorders…it is in context to others success, for all concerned.

  3. Hello,

    Personalities are superficial…. Though we all have them. And we love someone who seems happy and outgoing???

    Character is deeper because it is about repition. And exhibited and attibuted to higher thought processes and is what you hone at for a lifetime as such emulate Jesus, Ghandi, and Socraties. Thanks Evan!

    1. Can’t help but comment here, Diane. The “superficial” character of personality applies well when we’re talking about neurosis. Neurotics put on a “social face.” For the non-neurotic, or for the character-disordered personality, however, what you see is what you get. Many a person has been done in by a disordered character because they “misread” their personality as a “front.” For a long time, many of us versed in traditional schools of thought have allowed ourselves to be overly influenced by neurotic metaphors.

      Character is an aspect or dimension of personality. And, as you suggests, it “marks” a person with respect to integrity and commitment to living on a higher plane.

  4. I am married to a character disordered person…I’m a neurotic person so was a perfect match. Those of you who question the doctor might be character disordered. I know my husband WILL NOT even try to change….but after 43 years, I think maybe he cannot. I am 65 and now feel I must “save myself”. Have stayed because I believed divorce was u forgivable. But the counselor told us that my husband “never married me.” I want to live….

    1. “Those of you who question the doctor might be character disordered.” — Those of you who deny being a communist are obviously a communist.

  5. While there’s no way to accurately assess your situation from such a distance, perhaps amplifying a few principles will help you sort things out: There’s a big difference between being unable to change and being unwilling to change. And in the case where someone’s character disturbance is so great that the could never really make the commitment necessary for a true marriage, no marriage really existed from the beginning, which has always been grounds for annulment. Neurotics tend to take upon themselves so much responsibility (and so much unwarranted guilt) that the character-impaired party in a relationship never has incentive to do differently, and therefore is “enabled” to continue to disfunction. Keeping these things in mind as you sort through your situation might help you see things more clearly.

    1. “Neurotics tend to take upon themselves so much responsibility (and so much unwarranted guilt) that the character-impaired party in a relationship never has incentive to do differently, and therefore is “enabled” to continue to disfunction.”

      I married a character disordered individual and have divorced the individual. But because we have children and a society that has a hard time recognizing manipulative people, I still live with the abuse that comes from a disordered character.

      And because my situation of divorce was decided by a judge in court, I have experienced an overtaxed judicial system that enables that disordered character to continue his ways.

      I suffer from depression and more. I function and have kids that function well because I have read Dr Simon’s books but the disordered doesn’t change. Not when there is none to call them out on their behavior. This disordered being does not respond to any of the techniques listed in the books to actually change and stop their behavior. All the techniques have done is provided some temporary relief for me.

      But the barrage of disordered behavior continues.

      If yo are a neurotic type personality, then just know that if you encounter or have to continually deal with a disordered character – put that part of your life into a partitioned box – deal with it in as little doses as possible – and then treat the rest of your life and how you wish to be treated in the best manner.

      You may lose people along the way – people who abused or fell under the spell and charm and manipulation of the disordered character.

      But if you can distance yourself from the disordered – do so.

      Disordered characters don’t change unless EVERYONE in their world recognizes them for what they are and reacts to them in the moment. Otherwise, the disordered character just continues to view themselves as right.

  6. I don’t know if I’m neurotic, but definitely have been naive about this sort of situation. I have been brought to survival mode and isolation over the course of 15 years and want very much to move on, but I’m worried that my husband’s tactics will not only take us all back into survival mode, but also level some damage to the emotional well-being of our 9-year old daughter. I would appreciate some advice on how best to proceed to minimize damage for all involved. As it stands now, I have told him the only way I will stay is if he confronts his issues and he shares what we’ve been through with family and close friends. It’s always been a he-said, she-said situation and everyone thinks he’s a really nice guy. Any help will be appreciated.

    1. Setting such reasonable expectations and standing firm on the necessary limits is exactly what you should be doing, so commend yourself for it. As I say in my books, the ball always has to be tossed back into the disturbed character’s court. It’s their responsibility to own up to and work on their issues. The best you can do is hold them to account.

  7. Using an example of someone of whom we’ve seen a great deal and whose personality is distinctive, do you think that Donald Trump has a character disorder, a personality disorder or something else?

  8. Dr. Martin Groder defined a Character Disorder personality as ” a person who out of despair about abandonment is consistently and with pattern unable to calibrate his/her here and now reality in their specific environment or culture”..

Page 1 of 2 1 2

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *
 characters available

In accordance with our Privacy Policy, your email address will not be published with your comment or shared in any other way. Please do not SPAM. Comments which solicit personal advice, are rude or inflammatory, are not about this specific post, or are otherwise not in keeping with our Terms of Use may be deleted at our discretion. If you would like to make a comment or ask a question about something other than the subject matter of this post, please do get in touch directly.

Overseen by an international advisory board of distinguished academic faculty and mental health professionals with decades of clinical and research experience in the US, UK and Europe, CounsellingResource.com provides peer-reviewed mental health information you can trust. Our material is not intended as a substitute for direct consultation with a qualified mental health professional. CounsellingResource.com is accredited by the Health on the Net Foundation.

Copyright © 2002-2024. All Rights Reserved.