Or something quite essential to their well-being? When God??

Definately not gender specific…

I like what you say about spontaneous giving, joy and connection all happening at once, Evan! I think you are absolutely right. No one ever felt joy from doing something they “had to” do and it ruins the chance for real connection too.

Something on men and self esteem comin’ up!

I’ve seen this too and it makes me sad.

I guess I think the secret to joy is a particular sort of giving – the kind that happens spontaneously and from connection. (Though this may be me rebelling against an evangelical Christian upbringing where there were a lot of shoulds about giving.)

I’d like to see your observations on men and self-esteem. (I think they rely more on externals – such as their job, this has different strengths and weaknesses I think.

This article describes me and several women I’ve known over the years. Especially perceptive were two thoughts: first, the “long complicated stories.. giving penetrating insight into how the social world works and into how everyone else thinks and feels.” Second, the “string or a network of toxic relationships throughout your life.”

Not only have I known several women who have experienced the “string of toxic relationships,” but I am one of them. Yes, I have attempted to cut myself off from others to build my self esteem in isolation; and, you are correct, it doesn’t really work. But I have more than a few toxic people in my life (family members) and there is no escaping them, only periods of avoidance. I can’t think what else to say at this point.